Sunday, January 14, 2007

Crazy In Love: The Saga of the Super-Sons

This may be hard to believe, but sometimes the comic book big shots have some really bad ideas for story lines. And sometimes they will even drag these bad stories out way too long. Something what should have been contained in a single issue, or perhaps even a single panel...or to a single piece of fanfiction...or not at all. Something like...The Saga of the Super-Sons. This is something that DC pulled out of their asses in the early 70s. These two losers showed up in several World's Finest comics, ruining them for everyone.

First of all, for the record, only one son is "super." The other is "bat." World's Finest Sons would make more sense, but would be a gross misstatement.

There are only two ways to enjoy these characters. One, because in costume they look exactly like their fathers, you can pretend that the ridiculous things they say are actually being said by Superman and Batman. Two, you can focus on how totally and completely in love these two boys are.

Oh, Bruce Junior. Such a hippy. Where did Bruce Sr. go wrong?

Not that Junior doesn't have the astounding detective skills of his dad, as demonstrated here:

Keen eye, kiddo!

Of course, being the egomaniacs that they are, Superman and Batman have named their sons after themselves. Because that's a really good way to cover the ol' secret identity. Especially since Bruce and Clark jrs are pretty open about complaining about their superhero fathers. And the dads aren't so good at keeping the secret either:

Heh. "Big Daddy."

I'd like to point out that they are in the vicinity of some criminals that Batman just beat up. And while beating up these criminals, Batman exclaimed upon seeing his son, and I quote "Bruce...? My boy...Bruce?"

Like I was saying, in costume the sons look just like their dads. So let's pretend that this is really Batman talking in these panels:

Man I wish Batman would say "bomberoo" more often.

Superman Jr is also an idiot. But you don't have to take my word for it:

I don't like the hint of smile on Supe Jr's face one bit. They just watched a man get mowed down with a machine gun and he's cracking wise. *shudder*

Oh, and here's what he decides to do rather and stop a train full of toxic gas:


These boys also have a strange pre-occupation with paddling tail (which, if you ask me, is exactly what a certain couple of super dads need to do to their useless sons):

I can't really find any way to segue into this panel, but would you check out Superman Jr's bizarre caught-in-an-explosion pose here:

Oh, MY GOD is right, Bat-Son ('re in a garbage can).

Ok, things get really weird in the 1974 World's Finest 100 Page Super Spectacular. The sons are getting along so poorly with their dads that all four of them end up at some weird all-man hippy retreat to heal their relationships. Thus we get a bone-chilling panel that I will never be able to erase from my memory:

"Men...Dancing Together?" Oh, come on, Clark. Like you don't love that idea. Plus, it's your SON, doofus! No one is going to think you're gay. This might raise some eyebrows, though: not how Batman and Superman fly together...I'm pretty sure...usually...

Anyway, the sons decide to trade dads for a bit at this retreat. Then we get these hilarious panels:

"Straight, eh? That's what he called me, hmm? Well, we'll just see about that!"

Let's see what wholesome activity Clark Jr is engaging in with Bruce Wayne:

Yeah...ok. Willing pupil, eh? Wait! Switching dads permanently?! That's not how life works! This story is so bizarre.

These characters suck. Death would be too kind for these guys. But they were part of one of the best comic covers of all time:


In conclusion...PILLOW FIGHT!!!!


Johnathan said...

Whenever anyone shouts "Nope!" in response to a question, that's when you should start to get suspicious.

Derek said...

Ahahaha! That cover is too great.

I can just picture the few seconds after. Batman, within plain sight of their frozen sons, asks, "Are... are you sure?"

thedeadpenguin said...

Batman riding on Superman's back may just be the best thing ever. I bet Ollie and Hal do that too, and Hawkman just pouts in a corner somewhere because he's too damn proud to join in on the fun. Best JLA picnic ever!

paperghost said...

Okay, all I need to know is:

1) Who is responsible for the HATE CRIME just performed upon my eyeballs and
2) When do we start suing them?

Oh man, gotta love that 70s "hip" style of talking, thats neither hip OR anything approaching something that could reasonably be defined as "talking".

Anyone needs me, I'll be stabbing my eyes out with a rusty fork.

rachelle said...

The man whose house we should storm is Bob Haney. He is the writer responsible for the Super-Sons.

paperghost said...

I'll meet you on the roof of the building opposite. bring hot drinks, a couple of parka coats, a ski mask, a tape with nothing but Partyman by Prince on it, an inflatable machine gun and a big whacking stick. If you can't carry all that, just bring the tape. I love that song.

Jeff said...

"Superman, maybe you should use your X-ray vision to see if our sons are frozen solid inside this suspicious guy's house!"

"Don't be stupid Batman, he clearly said 'nope', and that's good enough for me!"

World's Finest indeed.

SallyP said...

This...this was seriously demented.

The Mutt said...

Bob Haney. It had to be. "Let's hit the cobbles-- and rap." I can't stop laughing. It's like Jack Webb wrote a comic book.

rachelle said...

Do you know what else is awesome about that cover? Batman is holding photographs of BRUCE WAYNE and CLARK KENT'S sons!

Sooo...the whole secret identity thing is kinda shot, I guess.

Jon Hex said...

I think the lack of follow through shows how much Supes and Bats DON'T want their sons back.

yoyogurl said...

Oh, man. That's the most hysterical thing I've seen in a looong time.

Mr. W said...

some great stuff here. ALmost too much to take in at once.

macsnafu said...

I don't know--the Super-sons wasn't a bad idea, but Haney's ridiculous plots, while entertaining in their own right, really messed up the concept.

Viagra said...

This is by far one of the worst (if not the worst) idea ever to come up in DC... it is such an offense to the Banner keepers of DC. And to call each other brothers... I wonder if they have the same mother (Lois or Selina?)

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