A new weekly feature! How exciting! In the grand tradition of sexual exploitation in comic books, I'm going to devote a little time each week to selecting one superhero and measure how he stacks up in the sexy department. Actually, to be honest, I am not trying to make a statement at all here. I just want to talk about hotties.
I'm going to start with an easy one (Pun intended! Zing! Get it? Cause Hal's a slut!).
Hal Jordan, aka Green Lantern
Costume: Hal's skin-tight, capeless one-piece has long been the gold standard in attractive costuming. Hal may not have chosen his costume, but he can't mind how great his butt looks in it. Green, black and white is an undeniably fantastic colour combination. Topped off with a simple green eye-mask that doesn't mess his hair, Hal's costume may hide his identity, but it doesn't hide how damn fine he is.
Alter-Ego: Hal doesn't need to wear spandex to look good. Always well-dressed in simple, masculine basics like white shirts, khakis, and bomber jackets, he's got style that doesn't try too hard. Hal Jordan is cocky, playful and 100% all-man. And Hal Jordan is a great name, in the tradition of super heroes having two first names. Plus, he's the alleged bravest man on Earth. If only he could keep that ego in check.
Sexiness of Powers: Hal is useless without his ring, and even with it he's no good against anything yellow (usually). These weaknesses aside, Hal's power is only limited by his own imagination. If you don't think that's sexy, I can't help you.
Day Job: When he's not Green Lantern, Hal Jordan is a test pilot. And that's awesome.
Cons: Despite his appearance of being head-strong and free-willed, Hal is essentially the Guardians' bitch. As a result, he's a very busy guy, always darting about the galaxy with little time for dinner dates. We can also assume that he's tapped a considerable amount of interplanetary ass, Shatner-style, so the possibility of alien STDs is a real concern.
More than a little conceited and, well, dumb, Hal might be a tiresome long-term companion, but he'd make a great one-night stand. With proper protection. There was also that unfortunate psychotic and homicidal episode a few years back, but if the JLA can forgive him, who am I to judge?
- 5 points
Final Score: 31 points out of 40
Not bad, Hal!
We'll have to wait and see how next week's Super Hunk measures up!