Monday, November 03, 2008

Rating the Super Hunks #21: Winter Soldier

I'm in the mood for super hunks, and it's long past due that I rate the sexiest one-armed octogenarian around:

James "Bucky" Barnes aka Winter Soldier aka Captain America

Costume/Appearance: Oh, Bucky. Where Do I begin?

Even as Captain America's teenage sidekick in WWII, you were a snappy dresser. And having your arm blown off, being frozen, and then being captured and reprogrammed by the Russian military only made you hotter.

As Winter Soldier, Bucky had this really fantastic outfit. Dark blue jacket with the front bib, tight pants, domino mask, bionic arm...really great. Plus, clean-shaven but with long, dark, sexy hair.

Even after his haircut he still looks hot.

Now, I'm not crazy about the new Captain America outfit, but you'll recall that I wasn't crazy about the old one either. I mean, I loved the old one as a super hero costume, it just wasn't particularly sexy. The new costume is not really any sexier, and it is less cool as a costume design. So it just loses. However, the man filling the suit continues to be very sexy, so that helps. And I do like that the new costume points directly at his crotch (oh, Alex Ross).

9/10

Personality: I am in love with Winter Solider and yet I would not want to have to hang out with him at all. Dude is depressing. So the best strategy is to keep talking to a minimum with this guy. When in his presence, you should either be fighting or smooching. I prefer the latter, but I don't mind watching the former.

But it's not like Bucky is an asshole. He's a good guy. He wouldn't be wearing the Captain America uniform if he wasn't. He's brave and selfless and all that sexy stuff.

He's just very serious and broody and maybe needs a little more time coping with the fact that he's been belived to be dead for the past 60 years, but has actually been a Soviet human weapon. And before that he was frozen. And the only guy who can really relate to any of that was his old WWII partner, Captain America, who died pretty much as soon as they reunited. It's all very sad. And sexy.

8/10

Day-Job: When he's not being James Barnes, highly-skilled fighter and lover of Black Widow, he's being Captain America. Not bad, Bucky. Not bad.

10/10

Sexiness of Powers: Oh, Bucky doesn't have Steve Rogers' precious Super Soldier Serum in his veins. He's awesome all by himself.

Um...and with the help of some guns...which he uses to shoot bad guys. Now I know that shooting people isn't really what super heroes are supposed to do, but Bucky looks so good doing it that I can't complain.

9/10

Cons: I don't want to use the word 'crazy' here to describe Bucky. A lot of perfectly sane people have a lot of faith in him. Sane people like, um...Tony Stark...

Bucky isn't crazy. But he might be. I feel that, like many Marvel heroes, he could just snap at any minute. But considering everything he's been through, I'd say he handles himself very well.

-1

Final Score: 35/40

The sexy student surpasses his reasonably sexy teacher.

Yes, yes, Bucky. A thousand times, yes.

6 comments:

Caleb said...

Plus, clean-shaven but...

Man, I totally misread that for a few seconds.

SallyP said...

Caleb!

Yes, it's true, Bucky is sexy as all heck. I have to admit to liking the Winter Soldier outfit the best, it REALLY looked cool, and the Captain America suit, while iconic, is still on the dorky side.

The "not crazy but could snap at any minute" side is admittedly attractive as well.

Brian said...

If anyone was going to dethrone Batman it would have been Winter Soldier. I guess Bucky will just hae to settle for sexiest Marvel Hero.

Anonymous said...

It's probably just me, but isn't the Winter Soldier basically The Comedian with a robot-arm, at least as far as looks and powers go?

Viagra said...

I like him more as winter soldier rather than Capt America. Not only because i don't like super heroes change the man behind the mask (Batman Beyond) but the change in design sometimes is not the best.

Buy Generic Viagra said...

actually Bucky was the second and the most known Captain America, when Steve die, Bucky took it place as the new American Paladin.