Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Rating the Super Hunks #11: Dick Grayson

You knew this one was coming. This week Super Hunk theatre presents the pin-up pretty boy of the DCU...

Dick Grayson, aka Nightwing

Costume/Appearance: Little Dick Grayson. He grew up. He filled out. He got hot...eventually.

The current Nightwing costume is great. Really nice-looking. Nice colours, nice lines, nice fit. Also, great hair. I have no complaints about the current Nightwing costume. Or the appearance of the man filling it.

But we can't ignore the fact that it took Dick a loooong time to get there. And we had to see some pretty disgusting incarnations of Nightwing first.

No.


No.

No.

Super no.

Alright, that last one wasn't technically a Nightwing costume, but Jesus. If you can stand it, take some time to really study that thing. You'll notice that, as well as high-waisted baggy jeans, a short-sleeve polka-dot Oxford, Achy Breaky hair and intensely hairy arms, Dick is wearing loafers with no socks. You can stand in front of all the Ferraris you want and you will never look good wearing that.

I also abhor that long, disgusting rat-tail thing that Dick was rocking for awhile. It's so gross. It's like a serpent. I also never understood why it was way longer than his hair was when it wasn't pulled back. *shudder*

But if we focus on the now, and ignore the past, Dick is a looker.

8/10

Personality:
I'm not sure how to put this lightly, but Dick Grayson is kinda...dumb. Or, if not dumb, he is lacking common sense. And he thinks with his manhood more than his brain, rivaling even Hal Jordan in this department (uh, the thinking part...I don't know about the manhood part). For a kid who grew up under the constant watch and teachings of Batman, Dick is a bit of a disappointment. I mean, he's a good leader and strategist, but overall...

On the positive side, Dick still retains a lot of the playful boyishness that we knew and loved in him as Robin. Again, considering his being raised by Bruce Wayne, having any kind of sense of humour is impressive. And he's, y'know, a nice guy who wants to help people.

Remember when he was partnered with that gay cop, and the other mean cops were beating up the gay cop, and Dick intervened? And when the mean cops asked Dick if he was his boyfriend or something, Dick said "What if I am?" That was nice. He gets a point for that.

I like Dick Grayson. I like him a lot. But he ain't no Tim Drake. And he is certainly these two things:

1. Boring
2. Horny

He gets a lot of play. A LOT of play:

Even when he looks like this:

Dude, we're just as surprised as you are.

The fact that Nightwing is one of the most sexually active superheroes out there certainly earns him some points in the hunk department. And the fact that I can now look at him without throwing up certainly helps. He's not...great...with women. But look at who he had as a teacher.

7/10

Day Job: Dick Grayson was a City of Blundhaven police officer. I think that's awesome. That means when he's not fighting crime...he's fighting crime.

But now he's just Nightwing. Oh...he runs a circus school. That's...not really all that sexy.

8/10

Sexiness of Powers: Dick has no powers, but he was trained by Batman. And, before that, he was trained as one of the top circus acrobats in the world. The result is that he rules at fighting, and can do crazy aerial stunts. He's strong and graceful. Of course that's sexy.

Plus, he's apparently the only person in the world who can do a quadruple somersault.

10/10

Cons: Dick Grayson's name is 'Dick.' I'm taking one point off for that. I'm also deducting points for his tendency to grow his hair badly, the fact that his comic is pretty boring, and for jerking Barbara Gordon around.

-4

Final Score: 29/40

He's sexy alright, but he'll always just be sidekick sexy. Plus, Tim Drake is going to grow up to look exactly like him, but way more awesome. Why have hamburger when you can wait a few years for steak?

24 comments:

Jon Hex said...

Whoa, have to call foul on one thing. Barbara jerked Dick around, and I mean that in the most nonperverted way. She held out from starting a relationship and then dumped him when she felt he hadn't 'matured'.

Johnathan said...

What about that time that the JLA disappeared and he ended up as the leader of the fill-in JLA? That was pretty hot, right? It was, like, his finest hour.

Xtina said...

Awwww is that Catwoman I see him macking with. That's just...really gross if you stop to think about it. Dick you have some issues there.

Also does this mean your going to rate Tim in the future?

Derek said...

Hahahaha. Tim gets more love in Nightwing's rating that Dick does. Awesome.

And yeah, Babs deserves better.

She deserves Ted Kord. If only he'd get off his lazy ass and resurrect already.

SallyP said...

I have to agree with Derek, Babs would be PERFECT with Ted Kord.

Nightwing on the other hand...um...I'm sorry,that outfit with the hairy arms and polka dots just makes me hysterical with laughter...and NOT in a good way. I mean a man can be funny and sexy, but not when you are laughing AT him.

I'm not sure that I quite get the "hawtess" of Dick anyway. He does seem to fall into bed with just about anything that is breathing, and unlike Hal Jordan, he doesn't have a magic ring to take care of the STD's.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

I think if I look in my closet, I've got those baggy jeans, acid washed.

I'm deducting 27 points from my own score.

John Foley said...

I think you need to take off more than 1 point for his name being Dick. Nobody under 65 is named Dick anymore. Nobody. You would really think DC could update this for modern times. Would it kill them to have people calling him Richard? Dick is just not working. Richard is a good, strong, and above all else, believable name.

Bobby said...

Dude. The only guy in comics hotter than Batman is Daredevil. When are we going to see the Matt Murdock review?

heather said...

first, yell at gyuss for leaving the gate open. the riff-raff is following him. ;-)

while i admit i'm not much of a comics fan i've got to tell ya, the one version of nightwing looks like robin williams, billy ray, and miami vice era, don johnson got thrown is a blender, got eaten by a seagull and puked back up.

*oh g, say it ain't so baby! ;-)*

rachelle said...

jon hex - I think Dick played his part in the destruction of that relationship. And frankly, he hadn't matured.

xtina - that is Catwoman. Can you believe it?! I don't think I'll be rating Tim Drake. He's a teenager. That's weird. I'm just sayin', I love that kid and he's going to be a great adult.

Sallyp - I think maybe years of constant supervision and strict rules under Batman has made Dick go kinda wild on his own. That guy will sleep with anyone. Dick and Hal should totally hang out.

John Foley - I think he should go by 'Ricky'

bobby - Oh don't you worry. He'll be rated shortly. Daredevil is totally teh sexy.

Ladies go crazy for Dick Grayson. In fact, I am sure the female fanbase is the only reason he still has his own title. I get it, more or less. It's just...he's not Batman. He's Batman light. Plus he gets so much action it isn't even interesting anymore. Dude gives it away for free.

He's also one of the only male comic characters to get raped by a woman. I don't really know where I am going with that fact, but I'm just putting it out there.

Jeff said...

I think sleeping with Babs and then handing her an invite to his wedding the following morning constitutes 'jerking Babs around'.

IRONPALMASSASSIN said...

Dick is a gymnastics teacher currently, not a "circus school" teacher or whatever

pandesal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pandesal said...

Okay, I vehemently disagree with this rating! You are obviously not familiar with Dick Grayson's history. I don't believe you gave Nightwing his due. Its not you fault though, you just don't know the character’s history.

"Sidekick sexy?" Have you read an issue of New Teen Titans? He was practically the star of that title. You didn't acknowledge his long, loving relationship with Kory, which is a big part of the character's history. His ability to save the team numerous times despite the fact that he's the only one without powers. His ability to outthink the Titans's villains (granted his recent portrayal makes him look dumb, but that was not always the case, I just hope Marv can fix this). His excellent detective skills (Check out "Who is Donna Troy?"), His transition form Robin to Nightwing and his the growing pains he experience in trying to get out of Batman’s shadow.

In short Dick Grayson was a great character but has unfortunately his recent portrayal has been lacking. So pick up the NTT trades and get to know Dick when he was truly great!

rachelle said...

Oh, I've read plenty of Teen Titans comics. It's true, Dick was awesome back in the day.

Unfortunately, here at the Super Hunk Institute, we have to take into account the most recent incarnations of each week's hunk. Dick was a great kid and a great teen/young adult. But I'm not here to rate teens. I'm here to rate men. And Dick is currently pretty awesome (29/40 is a good score!), but it's not like he's going to be in the same league as Batman in my books!

Anonymous said...

In that last panel, she's totally talking about his ass.

And it is.

pandesal said...

Fine, I agree Dick’s portrayal in the current Nightwing series sucks. But I still think Nightwing the character is pretty cool.

The problem is that in his own title (and in the other batbooks) he is portrayed as a dumb, horny himbo, but in the Outsiders and in his occasional appearances in Teen Titans (and more recently, Checkmate) Dick is portrayed as the calm, collected bad-ass motherf*cker that he is. Why can't they get that right in his own book?

And I just don't get the whole "he's nothing but a sidekick" thing. He's been on his own or leading teams for so long, I don't even associate him with the "dynamic duo". Sadly, the dubious honor of being Batman’s eternal sidekick falls on Tim Drake, who will never… ever… grow up. They even made him look younger now! He'll be Robin forever! Poor Tim, even Bart got to be the Flash for a while.

Anonymous said...

I love that Barbara completely treats Dick like crap every chance she has (oh, let's make fun of the circus, oh, let's be the queen of passive aggressive, oh, let's pretend I am more mature than everyone, let's flirt with every man in sight but get upset when Dick is in the same room with a woman, oh, let's get upset because the man offers to make sure I get home okay!) yet Dick gets the blame here.

If Barbara could grow the hell up and not whine all the time about how she still misses her legs (yawn, she sucked as Batgirl and was a worse hero than she was a girlfriend) then the relationship would have worked.

Good for Dick that it didn't. He deserves someone kinder, more mature, and less psychotic than Barbara Gordon.

As for Jeff's comment, that was one comic written by someone with no sense of the character's history (there simply wasn't time for the events in that issue to have even happened in the Titans, anyway) and frankly, after the way she treated Dick, I wanted Barbara to get hurt.

After reading the way she treated Dick, I really wish the Joker had better aim and would have killed her.

Viagra said...

Dick is one great guy, and I still don't get it, why is the comic boring, I like it pretty much. And the fact that we got to see little Robin grow old and turn into Nightwing is awesome.

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Gillian said...

Are you fucking stupid
like
really
are you even listening to yourself talk because really
how fucking dare you call yourself a comic book fan when you say things like that about Dick Grayson, especially when not one of them is true.
I don't even have anything else to say to you wow.
Go to hell.

Anonymous said...

You did a hot-ness rating on Dick Grayson and you didn't mention his ass once? What blasphemy is this!?