Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Rating the Super Hunks #8: Wally West

I was biking all day and now it hurts to sit down. But I will suffer through it because it is Tuesday and that means:

a) New comics tomorrow!
b) Time to rate a super hunk!

I got some requests for this one. The fastest hunk alive,

Wally West, aka The Flash

Costume/Appearance: The Flash suit has always been one of my favourite superhero costumes, with its crimson and gold colour combo and lightning bolt details. Plus, it's very tight and leaves nothing to the imagination.

Wally basically took Barry's costume, which was great, and eventually made small alterations that made it just a little bit cooler. The two diagonal lightning bolts that meet in the middle is a much more flattering look than the straight across belt that Barry rocked. And removing the wings from the boots is a step in the right direction. Also, those big yellow boots are awesome.



I'm going to go on record right now and say that I don't like the shiny suit. You can wear a bright red hooded leotard with lightning bolts sticking out of the sides of your head, but you start making that shit shiny and it's just tacky. The little ear decorations should be metal, and the rest should be matte. That's a nice-looking costume.

I actually don't know how sexy the Wally West Flash costume is, really. I mean, it's got Jay Garrick's beat by a country mile, but still...

Yeah. It's pretty good. You have to be pretty damn fit to wear that thing and make it not look ridiculous.

Without the costume, Wally is reasonably good-looking. He gets my vote for sexiest Flash. He's also one of the few red-headed heroes. He's got nice enough features. Green eyes, good jaw line. Whatever. He's no Bruce Wayne. His head is kinda small for his body.

7/10

Personality:
This section used to be called Alter-Ego, but some heroes don't have one. 'Personality' is more inclusive.

Wally took on the mantle of The Flash when he was about 20 years old, so he's always had a young, boyish charm thing going for him. In the Flash comics, he's a bit of a smart ass, but nothing compared to the way he's portrayed in the Justice League cartoons and related comics.

To be honest, I always found Wally to be kind of boring. I like his friends more. He's just your typical nice guy who's good to his mother, married a nice girl, had a couple of kids, and vibrated at the same speed as the Speed Force or something to stop Superboy and help save the world before disappearing to an alternate Earth. Nothing really to write home about.

It should be noted, though, that Wally has gotten a lot of action in the comics. And by that, I mean sexy action. Dude has been around.

7/10

Day Job:
He doesn't really have one, except when he lost his memory and was an auto mechanic for the KCPD. Auto mechanics are pretty macho. I like that he won the lottery once. That kept him comfortable for awhile.

This guy has gotten struck by lightning and has won the lottery. Jesus.

7/10

Sexiness of Powers:
He's really, really fast. Is that sexy? It's actually kind of freaky.

I guess it keeps him happy. And it's hotter than, say, not having super speed.

7/10

Cons: Wally can be a real dick sometimes. Like when poor Kyle became the new Lantern. He was also kind of a punk kid, but who wasn't, really? I can't hold that against him.

But I am holding the treatment of Kyle against him. Stupid Wally.

OH, and how about losing ALL of your lottery winnings in the stock market, Wally? Not cool.

- 3

Final Score: 25/40

Wally got 7/10 across the board, and I think that makes sense. He's a solid 7. Nothing to be ashamed about.

22 comments:

Gloria said...

Where do you find these panels? Every single one was comedy gold. (Devo?)

rachelle said...

Most of them are from the first 10 issues or so of The Flash v.2. There really were a zillion great ones.

Chris Sims said...

Of course! Comics aren't delayed until Thursday for you, you didn't have Memorial Day this week!

DAMN YOU, CANADAAAAAAAA!

Theresa said...

I was told in the comic shop that the comics this week won't arrive until Thursday because of the holiday...

rachelle said...

Dammit! We had that same problem last week with Victoria Day. And now I see that Memorial Day will be delaying things up here too.

DAMN YOU, AMERICAAAAAA!!!

We don't even get a holiday out of this!

Bully said...

I'm partial to XS myself, but you make a dandy argument!

rachelle said...

Grooooaaan.

Not bad, Bully.

FoldedSoup said...

Red-Heads: +3 points.

It's in the book.

Jeff said...

In that panel with the two women - is the one on the left grabbing his package?!

rachelle said...

That is certainly what it looks like...but I really hope not because I think that's his mom.

The Faulk said...

Wow! Wally beat out Steve Rogers.

In your face Captain America!

SallyP said...

Oh Wally, Wally, Wally, you adorable buffoon.

I must go on record and state that the Flash has one of the best costumes around. Simple, but iconic. I'm not a real fan of the "underwear worn on the outside" look.

And yes, he's a redhead AND has green eyes which is a plus. I don't see Wally as being drop-dead gorgeous, but more on the cute side. Definitely cute. And he's a bit of a doofus.

But a CUTE doofus.

rachelle said...

Yeah, I was a little surprised that Wally beat Cap too. Except, Captain America's costume is not as good. And he's really boring. So I guess it makes sense.

Caleb said...

Faulk,

I'd definitely rather date Flash than Cap. Because Cap would just be all like, "Sorry honey, I have to go fight for freedom tonight, see you tomorrow night maybe."

Flash would just be like, "Hey honey, I'm going to go fight 15-20 different villains, go on patrol, check in the the Titans and go to that stupid JLA meeting. I'll be back in 20 minutes. 30, if Batman makes us read the minutes from last week's meeting."

OR alternately, "Hey honey, I have to go to the future for an adventure. Can I drop you off on a tropical island or Paris or Tokyo or wherever?"

PLUS, if I had to date a dude, at least the dude-sex with Wally would be over really quickly due to his super-speed, so even if it hurt or was as uncomfortable as it sounds, then...Oh God, what am I typing?!

rachelle said...

Even if all that my blog achieves is getting straight guys to contemplate which hero they would rather date, then I can die happy.

Johnathan said...

I was thinking about which heroes I'd date and it turns out that they're all dead. Blue Beetle, Elongated Man, The Question.

Is that creepy?

The Faulk said...

Only if you want to date them BECAUSE they're dead.

rachel said...

Wait, how can you possibly not think super-speed is a sexy power?? It's like made for sex!
A) Living vibrator.

B) Instant recovery.

C) No awkward pauses to take off clothes or get supplies, your speedster can take care of everything before you know he's left the bed.

D) Your speedster can take you to a tropical island for sex, and then run you back home the second someone intrudes. Or run to Europe to get you some nice post-sex chocolate. The possibilities are endless.

E) Speedsters are in the Justice League. It's like all the sexiness of the other heroes (including Batman my dear) will kind of cling to them, like a sexy ether.

F) Speedsters tend to have a leaner build, which I personally find sexy.

G) LIVING VIBRATOR.

Anonymous said...

"Wally basically took Barry's costume, which was great, and eventually made small alterations that made it just a little bit cooler. The two diagonal lightning bolts that meet in the middle is a much more flattering look than the straight across belt that Barry rocked."

Wally didn't add anything to the costume, Wally's "new look" was taken directly from Barry's new TV series look. One of the best comics to film translations of a costume ever designed.

http://www.alexross.com/CP1388%20MythologyFlash.jpg

CJ said...

Living Vibrator? Wasn't he in the Masters of Evil?

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there's only one doubt that only assault my mind, if Flash run and live in a ultrasonic speed, he also you know..."play" in that speed?

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haha Flash is the most annoying superhero I've ever seen in my whole life!