Monday, September 08, 2008

Rating the Super Hunks #20: Namor the Sub-Mariner

Time for another super hunk!!! This time we dive beneath the waves to get a closer look at Marvel's aquatic hottie,

PRINCE NAMOR, AKA THE SAVAGE SUB-MARINER


Costume/Appearance: Namor's costume is, in a word, minimal.

It's easy to point out the skimpy outfits that female comic characters wear, but in truth the most revealing outfit is actually donned by a dude who was created in 1939. Namor usually only wears a speedo when he fights. And because this isn't quite flamboyant enough, he has little white wings on his ankles.
Lately he's been wearing a more conservative black costume, which retains the best elements of his embarassing 1970s suit with the little yellow wings. Lord.

And let's talk about those Greta Garbo eyebrows. They are awesome.

The whole package is pretty fabulous, if not a little, y'know...homo mermanus.

8/10

Personality: I'm not going to pretend that Namor isn't a giant asshole. He really is. But heavy is the head that wears the crown, and maybe we'd all be cranky if we were the crown prince of an advanced underwater society. Or maybe he's just a douche.

I wouldn't change a thing about Namor though. It's all about confidence, which our Sub-Mariner has in spades. When he looks at you from under those pointy eyebrows and that widow's peak and asks if you'd like to see the royal scepter, you say YES. Just ask Sue Storm. She knows what I'm talking about.

Frankly, whenever Namor says anything you say "yes" because the way he talks is awesome.

I would love to hear a debate between Namor and Thor.

On the negative side...he has a bit of a temper.

Yes, he's a dick. But he's got an exotic David Bowie quality that captures our hearts.

7/10

Day Job: He is the monarch of Atlantis. It looks pretty good on the ol' resume.

10/10

Sexiness of Super Powers: You wouldn't think that flight would be a included in the underwater superhero package, but it is for Namor! Depending on what era of Namor we're talking about, he can also either just be really strong and invulnerable, or he can call of the abilities of any underwater creature (ie - electric eel).

His powers, for the most part, are only operating when he is wet. This is funny. I like any hero who needs to be wet and shirtless at all times.

I would also like to mention that Namor's entry contains what is possibly the greatest sentence on Wikipedia:

Later, Namor lost his ankle-wings when he released a mutagenic scrambler within the animated garbage-monster Sluj.

Incidentally, an almost identical sentence can be found in the Wikipedia entry for Harry Truman.

8/10

Cons: Namor's past love interests include an evil chick, his own cousin, and Mr Fantastic's wife.

- 3

FINAL SCORE: 30/40


Oh, suck it up, Subby! That's not a bad score at all...considering your pointy...everything.

16 comments:

Vee ! said...

I'm surprised you didn't cite both Namors that show up in Avengers: Invaders. Save for the tacky looking swim trunks, young Namor wasn't half bad.

First said...

You forgot to put that fish he's groping on the list of past romantic interests.

Sea_of_Green said...

Namor and Black Adam: Separated at birth.

SallyP said...

While I do love Aquaman, I have to admit that Namor is MUCH more dramatic, and let's admit it...hawt. I don't know if it is the widow's peak, or the half-nekkidness, but you have to admit that he's eye-catching.

That and the fact that he spouts such fabulous overblown dialogue really clutches at my heart.

jason quinones said...

namor is the overly dramatic metrosexual shakespearian actor of the deep.

and what is namor gonna do with that purple fish...

anything he wants!

ThePariah said...

I think this is the greatest Super Hunks installment ever.

John Klein III said...

The Return of Super Hunks! Awesome!

Pj Perez said...

Please explain to me why it took me 32 years to find your blog. Please.

j. said...

Namor is that ultimate bad boy/dreamboat...the unattainable man. Strutting around in swim trunks he draws the eye and holds it. His arrogance repels but at the same time compels you to win his favour. Those in his command must ever be aware of Namor's hot blooded temper lest they incur his wrath.

Namor is also the only water based superhero to never, ever be accused of being gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). And that's despite his drag queen-ish eyebrows and delicate ankle wings.

Truly, Namor of Atlantis is the Hunk of the Week.

rachelle said...

Ha! It's true! Somehow he has managed to evade the constant accusations of homosexuality that Aquaman must endure. I think it's because Namor transcends sexuality...he just is sex.

Riddering said...

Let's not forget he has the greatest battle cry. IMPERIUS REX means business. Sexy business!

I love Namor for pretty much all of the reasons you listed. Rachelle, have you read Grant Morrison's Fantastic Four miniseries? Not only is Namor looking mighty fine there but he also gets written pretty much perfectly: regal jackass who falls into villainy for love but comes out heroically badass in the end. And before he flies off (after helping save the day of course), he agrees with Sue that they shouldn't have an affair...by macking on her hardcore.

I love him!

Hello Pineapples! said...

Despite the fact that I don't read comics, I've recently started reading your blog and really enjoy it. So when I saw this (http://illustrationfriday.com/blog/2008/08/18/just-for-fun/) redrawing of Fantastic Four and Namor (I had never heard of Namor until I found your blog), I had to comment here.

Anonymous said...

"That's not a bad score at all...considering your pointy...everything. "

Great, now I think Namor has a pointy penis. Thanks a lot.

Viagra said...

Namor's costume is just too much for me. The speedo and wings on the ankles... well let's say am no fan of semi-naked dudes.

encontrar su mueble said...

So, I don't actually believe this will work.

viagra online said...

Marvel's aquaman haves a serious issue: his queer eyebrows. Oh god I hate them.