Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Rating the Super Hunks #12: Superman

Time to raise the super hunk bar again. This week I'm bringing out the big guns...the really big guns.

Superman, aka Clark Kent

Costume/Appearance: There is absolutely no reason why Superman's costume would be sexy, other than the fact that it's tight. Cape, primary colours, shorts outside of pants...these are not things that should go together. Maybe it's the perfect physique of the man wearing the tights, or maybe it's just the respect that the uniform commands, but Superman is totally dreamy.

Uh, even when his boots are the wrong colour.

First of all, there's the fact that Superman's biggest identity problem is that he is so good-looking, he needs to go out of his way to make himself unattractive when he's Clark Kent. And, truthfully, he often fails because even as Clark, he is rarely able to conceal the hotness. Hot with glasses is still hot.

Even on film the costume looks hot. That, I think, is the real test.

Just like Wonder Woman is supposed to be the perfect woman, Superman sets the standard for male beauty. You can argue that he's too wholesome or good, but in a way, doesn't that just make him sexier? Or am I just dirty?

You notice how, when people meet him for the first time, they turn into idiots and stumble over their words? It's because he's so good-looking.

10/10

Personality: Silver Age dickery aside, Superman is a total sweetheart. He's been portrayed as pompous, self-righteous, and ill-tempered, but this is by writers who are jealous. I do kind of enjoy when he has a bit of an attitude, because it makes him a more rounded character, but overall Superman is best when he is written as the selfless guy who will put everyone else's safety before his own. He's the guy who takes the time to sit and talk with new, young heroes. He leads by example, and everyone respects him, but he also wants them to like him.

For a very long time, Superman wouldn't get too involved with Lois Lane because he feared for her safety. Plus, as long as he was single, he could still score some hot mermaid action on the side:
Lois is a tough-talking career gal, but she absolutely melts when it comes to Superman. And who can blame her?
Perhaps even more charming is how bad Superman has it for Lois. The guy is romantic and old fashioned, falling hard for the smart, courageous city girl who isn't afraid to give Superman a piece of her mind. He knows he doesn't have a lot of time to spare for her, but he does his best. And Superman's best is pretty damn awesome.

Everyone wants a piece of Superman. The guy is in control of every situation, and he makes everyone feel more confident. It isn't just because of all the super powers, it's because he's a great guy and a great leader. Despite everything he's seen and been through, and it's a lot, he is still scandalized by common, everyday human hatred.

Lois hit the jackpot with this guy.

10/10

Day Job: Mild-mannered reporter for the Daily Planet. Although it doesn't get mentioned a lot, I get the impression that Clark Kent is an outstanding reporter, and has done very well for himself. He married an even bigger star reporter, making him one half of a Metropolis power couple...and this is the boring half of his life.

9/10

Sexiness of Powers: Dude, are you kidding?

Superman has all the powers. He's just a big bunch of powers, nicely packaged.

Yeah. Superman's powers are definitely sexy.

10/10
Cons: Superman has weird hobbies:

Superman makes really bad jokes:

And sometimes he comes on a little strong:

But overall, you can't say a lot that's bad about him. At least, not since the Silver Age.

- 3

Final Score: 36/40

The Man of Steel takes his rightful place near the top of the Super Hunk ratings. I'll leave you with some Super Bondage.

14 comments:

Lance said...

I'm convinced you took off 3 points instead of 2 so that Superman wouldn't end up tying with Batman.

Also, new All Star Superman coming out! Yay!

J Ray said...

I was thinking the same thing lance-the three deducted points are conveniently just enough to let batman edge out ahead of supes.

but hey, nothing WRONG with that :). just a tad bid unfair haha

Olin Fnard said...

I just wanted to take a second and let you know how much I love this Blog. Apart from the copious amount of time I spend on the Third Rail Design Lab's Forum,(http://www.thirdraildesignlab.com/forum/)
This is the only place online that I read regularly. Your super hunk ratings are (mostly) fair and balanced and always hilarious! It might also have something to do with the fact that you're Canadian, in a band and work at a comic book store, but I think I might have a little boy crush on you. (as opposed to a creepy underground room crush like Batman) Don't tell my wife.

rachelle said...

Well...I am incredibly cool. I would have a crush on me too.

Aw, you guys have figured me out. I totally over-deducted from Superman so he would be one point below Batman.

SallyP said...

I admit it, even I can't make snarky comments about Superman. And he IS adorable. I think it's the little spitcurl on his forehead...just like Hal's. *sigh*

Yes, the costume is a little on the old-fashioned side, but then so is Superman. You must admit that he's polite, and loves his mother. And apple pie. And baseball and hotdogs.

Lois is a lucky woman.

jayunderscorezero said...

Honestly, I'm surprised by how well Supes has done. I mean, I can see that he's hot, but you certainly have had your Silver-age-ignoring blinkers on when deciding this one. Still, well done Supes (and yourself for your own admirer above).

Johnathan said...

That's one of my fave things about All-Star Superman: Clark Kent looks like a big dopey doofus. It's basically the only place I've ever seen Clark look like he's supposed to.

Maxo said...

I just have to stand up for a brother of the press - Clark is not only an outstanding reporter, he's a Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter!

Seriously, where does he find the time?

Miss Shawna said...

The image of Lois and Supes making out on the moon from All Star Superman is probably the ultimate melty swoony comic book moment!

mj said...

I gotta say, I think past fashion choices dictate that at least one mark is taken off on appearance. Why? Because mullet, that's why.

Ren said...

Ummm let me just say this... Superman is a complete and total dick for lack of a better term. here's a link you all might want to look at (yes this is all real and legit - I actually own one of these covers) So yes Superman being a dick should knock off some points that being said here is the link

http://superdickery.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=28&Itemid=45

It's 250 pages long so keep going. THE COMMENTS ARE HILARIOUS!!!!!

Viagra said...

Superman is Superman, there's nothing to argue about, he'll always be top of mind when asked about super heroes, despite the flaws in character he's still THE man.

viagra online said...

You are completely right about his weird hobbies! he is a complete freak!

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