Tuesday, November 27, 2007

This Week's Haul: Sorry

Well, it's pretty clear that I don't have time to review last week's comics. Sorry about that. After this week, though, I'm all yours.

In the meantime, there is no reason why we can't all enjoy this gallery I put together of THE WORST ART EVER, courtesy of Iron Man Annual #1.

Here's Tony Stark with some undercover S.H.I.E.L.D. agents:

These are S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, people!!!

Let's check out some more of this "mission":

Well, I mean, of course they have to go to a strip club. What mission in comics, movies or television doesn't take the investigators to at least one strip club? And, man, that stripper looks happy to be there. (Incidentally, I don't know how much anarchy punks enjoy strip clubs).

Here are the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in action. Wearing the most ridiculous attire imaginable:

So she gets a big ol' handprint burned on her chest. Which leads to this INSANELY STUPID panel:

Yeah. Clearly you do not have the rack for low cut dresses.

Here are some more ladies wearing non-clothes:

Yuck.

But to be fair, the worst art in the whole book was reserved for the male lead:

YARGH!! What the hell is wrong with Tony Stark??!!

The cheesecake factor was also equal opportunity. Check out Iron Man's great pressed ham ass:

Man! Is there a sheet of glass on the surface of this panel? That is just fantastic.

Oh, there were lots of good comic this week too. Including not one, but TWO Sophie's Choice-inspired stories. That's pretty astonishing.

18 comments:

Johnathan said...

I had no idea that humans had a vein running from their nipple to their biceps, let alone that it could bulge out like that.

Tony's body kind of looks like Jonah Hex' face.

Anonymous said...

I really wanted to see what all the fuss was about, but all I got was a glimpse of a swarthy man in a speedo being rubbed-down by some $20 whores and - WHAM! - I got poked in the eye by a nipple!

God, I hope it wasn't Tony's. Who knows where that's been?!

Mr. Fob said...

Yeah. Clearly you do not have the rack for low cut dresses.

Maybe the artist missed the writer's note about how that particular agent should be flat-chested. Or maybe he doesn't know how to draw flat-(or even reasonably-)chested women. God knows most comic book artists don't.

Johnny B said...

It's never a good idea to learn how to draw anatomy while watching John Carpenter's The Thing...

Anonymous said...

"My pretty"....?

Were they fighting a witch from Grimm's Fairy Tales?

-seth

Hasan said...

Thanks to your post i'm now going to rush and by this comic, cause i loves me the cheesecake. Would never have bought this comic if it wern't for you. Thanks Rachelle!

John Foley said...

RE: Iron Man Annual-
I actually liked the story, but the art was abysmal. I don't even have a problem with all of the female S.H.I.E.L.D. agents being drawn as attractive, since that is the reason they were chosen for the mission. But the way they were drawn was laughable.
Thank you for posting that panel about not having the rack for a low-cut dress. I've been waiting to see someone make fun of this. Clearly the artist didn't read the script very closely. This looked to have come straight out of the "Top Cow Crosshatched Boob Factory of 1995," and it deserved your scorn.

Kenji said...

excellent

SallyP said...

Due to my "Civil War" induced loathing of Tony Stark, I passed on this. Thanks to your review, I'm AWFULLY glad that I did.

Thank you Rachelle. Your sacrifice has not been in vain!

doubledumbassonyou said...

This annual gave me further reason to discontinue reading Iron Man on a monthly basis. The Daredevil & Iron Fist annuals were both fantastic and set the bar rather high. Between this and Incredible Hulk #111, I felt like I was pick pocketed by Marvel last week.

David page said...

bloody hell...

ABS said...

At least this way, if Jim Balent ever stops making Tarot, Chris Sims will have something to replace it with.

Nicola said...

Thanks for this review, I needed the laugh today. And now I can cross one comic off my to-buy list, too.

Mister Grimm said...

This is one of those times where I sit back and wonder how such a crappy piece of crap made it out of the door at Marvel.

Nothing in that issue made any sense.

For an annual, it did the opposite of knock my socks off.

The whole issue looked like it had a touch of Rob Liefeld smeared on it.

Heather said...

*looks at Tony's chest*

Pukeatronic!

rachelle said...

Tony's body kind of looks like Jonah Hex' face.

Yes! I was trying to think of what his chest reminded me of. That's it!

Annuals are supposed to be extra awesome. Not extra terrible. Get with the program, Marvel. You put out the super awesome Iron Fist and Daredevil annuals, and you follow it up with this garbage?

And I'm not bothered by the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents being hot...I'm bothered by them being gross.

Also, why does everyone in the whole comic have white dots on the ends of their nose?

Johnny B said...

Because they just lifted their faces up from a mirror with a razor blade beside it...?

Anonymous said...

...Because artists/colorists lack the creative ability to think of a better way of showing effective shading.

Its a curious phenomenon, though. With a number of artists, no matter where the lighting comes from, the perfectly up turned Caucasian noses, like ski slopes with a jump at the end, always get a patch of white on the dot of them.