Thursday, October 23, 2008

In Times of Economic Uncertainty, We Turn to the Sears Wish Book for Comfort

I've been busy lately...but not too busy to check out this year's Sears Wish Book! Because it's that time of year again! Last year I shared some of the most alarming and lame offerings of the toy section of the beloved catalog. Here's round two of this feature, soon to become an annual holiday favourite:

Batman The Dark Knight Mega Cape Accessory Set

I look at this and all I can see are lamps and vases being knocked over.

Oh, and I see a pretty crappy Batman costume.

Wowwee Remote-Controlled 'Bladestar' Animal Robot

As far as I can tell, this is a flying, rotating, double-blade. It also has a "fighting feature" and "autopilot mode." This toy is not a good idea.

Canada Find It!

I think if you were to pan back on this photo, you would see tears streaming down this kid's face.

Vtech V.Smile Motion Wireless Controller

Maybe I'm getting old, but I have no idea what the hell this is. And the description does not help:

  • NEW!
  • left or right-hand use
  • bilingual
  • ages 3-7 years
Bilingual?

Playskool Kota Triceratops

I was looking at this trying to figure out what I love about so much. I think it's this: the kid and the triceratops have the same facial expression.

'Wipe Out' Combat Simulation Double Game Set

We need more toys that allow kids to just shoot the shit out of each other.

Fisher-price Ultimate Dino


Ultimate is right! Look at this thing! It's awesome! And that kid knows it!

Uncle Milton Rainbow in my Room

Kid, I can sell you something that will replicate this very product for three bucks a hit.

Play-Doh Meal Makin' Kitchen

Times are tight, and Play-Doh is a cheap substitute for food. You may as well get them started on it early. It's the only way they will acquire a taste for it.

MSX Pro Stunt T-Rex Terror Ripper Set

This toy is proof that, even if it seems silly on paper, adding one awesome thing to any other awesome thing is VERY AWESOME.

Hannah Montana Child's Wig

"Yeah, bitch. Jealous?"

Boys 3-Piece Superhero Costume

It took me a really long time to identify the costume on the right as Batman. I was like "Hulk, Superman, Spider-Man and...Tron? Some sort of robot? A manhole cover?"

'Don't Forget the Lyrics' Game

Really?

Chocolart House Creation

To me, this is just adding annoying steps to the process of obtaining chocolate and putting it in my mouth. That kid knows what I'm saying.

Step-2 Fifties-style Diner Playset

Y'know what kids love?

Retro kitsch!

Doctor Role-Play Set

This is an unfortunately-named toy.

Batman The Dark Knight Wayne Tech Tri-Fire Blaster

No.

Batman does not use this. Not ever.

Marvel Iron Man Crossover

No.

Iron Man does not do this. Not ever.

Bella Beau Pet City Stroller Set

Is this really what you want your daughter to be?

Baby Born 'Mommy Look I Can Swim!'

Aaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!!

"Mommy Look I Can Devour Your Soul!"

Shudder.

Little Tikes Deluxe Wood Kitchen and Laundry Center

Siiiiiiiiigh.

It even is described as having "granite-look countertops." Because kids won't stand for anything less in their fake kitchen/laundry facilities.

I love that the boy in the picture is just leaning on the counter, watching the girl load the dryer. Wondering when dinner is going to be ready.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, figured out that controller thing, at least...

http://www.sears.ca/gp/product/B001DZ8I82/sr=1-5/qid=1224784430/ref=sr_1_5/183-5793689-6633943?ie=UTF8&searsBrand=core&mqnodeid=APS

outburst said...

The V.Smile is an educational video game console for toddlers. I believe what you're looking at is the controller.

Jack Norris said...

That Bat-Wing thing made me think "keep that kid away from the garage roof!"
Also, I was really disappointed, on seeing that Spider-Man costume, that they're still committing the great kid's-superhero-costume sin of having a picture of the character on the chest of the costume. That always used to bug me as a kid

Dean said...

I love that photo of the kid sitting on the triceratops- "Riding a dinosaur is awesome!"

Jamie said...

I must say, a remote-controlled flying spinning blade with a "fighting mode" sounds pretty awesome to me.

Scott said...

Yeah, I had a ghostbusters jump suit that didn't match up with the movie jumpsuits at all. The proton pack was pretty awesome, though.

Johnathan said...

"Murray, why are we marketing a black Hallowe'en costume?"

"Well, it's Batman. You know: creature of the night, hides in shadows?"

"I want you to make that shit light grey. I learned my lesson with the Nightcrawler costume."

SallyP said...

Well those are some pretty crappy toys...with the exception being the dinosaurs. I WANT that Playskool Triceratops! He's adorable!

Teebore said...

Who does their laundry in the kitchen. That just doesn't seem...right, somehow. Also, it wouldn't hurt for that boy pitch in a bit. At least boil some water for dinner or something kid, you're making the rest of us look bad.

Halloween costumes with faces of the character on them reminds me of a bit from one of the Simpsons Halloween episodes:

Milhouse: Check it out Lisa, I'm Radioactive man
Lisa: I don't think the real Radioactive Man wears a plastic smock with a picture of himself on it.
Milhouse: He would on Halloween.

Man, that always pissed me off as a kid too.

FoldedSoup said...

A store down here had that Ultimate Dino set up as a playable display model.

Let me say: Yes. It is awesome. Oh, so awesome. I played with it for at least an hour. Long enough, in fact, that some older lady watched me make it roar and stomp on the little army guys and roar some more and commented that, "If you get that for your kids, your wife will hate you."

"Kids?!? Lady, this one's MINE! In fact, I'll get two so the 'wife' and I can duel!"

Want.

Sea_of_Green said...

Hey, I SAW that triceratops on display at at a Target the other day. It's AWESOME. It walks, moves its head and blinks, makes noises, plays music, and it's HUGE. It's essentially an almost-life-sized robotic dinosaur. It's also about $300. Eek!

They need to make those things for adults!

Adam said...

Yeah, I saw the triceratops at Target too and was totally like, "I'm getting that for my cousin so I can play with it." Then I saw the price and thought, "do I really have $300 to send on my cousin?" And then I thought about it really hard and decided if I was buying it for my cousin with the secret intent of playing with it myself then yes, yes I do.

I never thought about the character on the costume, but now that you mention it that does irk me a little. However, if I was a super hero I'd totally do that. I'd be the vainest super hero ever. Totally.

Chance said...

What a hilarious post! Your analysis of the triceratops pic is spot-on.

Siskoid said...

I haven't laughed this much in a while. Thanks Rach!

j. said...

Remote control bronto...brachiosaurus? Yes please!
The triceratops moves, BLINKS, MAKES NOISES AND PLAYS MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy CRAP! That's another "yes please".

Also, and the real reason I'm posting a comment...I believe the 50's diner is actually a "KITSCH-en".

I give you permission to use that one in your act.

best,
j. :)

Tony Z™ said...

Oh my goodness. I'm with siskoid. I haven't laughed like that in awhile. I even went back and re-read it like 3 times. I think I laughed harder each time.

Thanks!

Dylan said...

Wow, I just found your blog, and after reading through alot of old posts, I came across this. And the fact that I already have a crush on you because of your love and knowledge of comics, I could not stop laughing at all while reading this.

Thanks for making my day! I'll most def be checking out this site like, every six minutes.

suedenim said...

3 of the 4 costumes seem to exemplify some aspect of What Not To Do... except Superman, who actually gets a costume that's pretty darn close to the real thing, without superfluous character logos or pictures. No cape, but I imagine that was for budgetary reasons or something, so the costumes would all have the same price. Oh, wait, Superman *does* have a cape, it just can't be seen clearly.

And Batman breaks the rules (isn't that just like him, though?) by having both a hood *and* a cape, violating the Sears Terms of Costumery on the same page.

The light grey probably shows up OK at night, but a grey that's just a bit darker is probably the hardest color to see in the dark. I walked on a dark golf course at night with both a black cat and a grey cat. The black cat was fairly easy to spot, but the grey cat was effectively invisible....

Viagra said...

Don't they have any better ideas? There are cool toys, pretty toys, ugly toys, and the ones you are showing here. If id had a kid and bought him one of this he'll ask for a dad refund.

viagra online said...

You were right waht a lame ideas for toy! seriously I prefer a yo-yo rather than all this stuff.