My biggest regret about not having time last week to review comics is that I didn't get to review the supremely awesome "Denim" story in Tales From...Riverdale Digest #25. Please do check it out.
I love a Dilton-centric story. As I keep saying, he's the only person in Riverdale who isn't a complete horror of a human being.
Here's an awesome Dilton story, in which he becomes a rock star.
Ok, so I'm pretty confused about The Archies as a band. Sometimes they seem, like, huge. But the members rarely talk about the band, and they seldom seem to be practicing or anything. This is a rare moment.
But anyway. Here we have them struggling to write songs. Enter Dilton:
Man, what a sweetie.
Ok, when Betty says they haven't written a hit song "in ages," what is she saying? I mean, most bands haven't written a hit song...ever. Do they mean a song that was actually a "hit" and sold lots of records around the world? Or do they just mean it's been awhile since they wrote a song that didn't suck? And is the "hit" that they are referring to "Sugar, Sugar"? I am really confused about this band.
And now to prove my point about the kids of Riverdale being horrible, horrible people:
Guys, he's offering to help you out here. And has he ever been wrong about anything ever?
Well, it's their loss. Dilton storms out of there, leaving them to laugh until they all get bored and go to Pop's to eat a bunch of food and not pay for it.
Yeah! You show 'em, Dilton! I also like that this comic makes a point about the formulaic structure of popular music.
Also, I like that Dilton decides immediately that he needs a keyboardist. That's what I like to see.
Oh the stereotypes. A fat drummer, a black bass player, and an ex-con keyboardist.
Man, Dilton is awesome. Look at that rad recording studio he built!
I don't know about you, but I'd really like to hear those songs. I'll bet they sound like Heaven.
You guys might want to toss around a couple of other band names before you commit. No? Dilton and the Destroyers it is, then. I mean, it actually is pretty great, considering Dilton's appearance and demeanor.
Now we get to see that awesome comic/tv fictional idea of how bands become famous:
Usually you play shows and then get a recording contract. Actually, you usually play many, many shows and then you put out your own CD with your own money. Then you sell that for $5 and burn them yourself when you run out. And then usually you break up.
And once again we get to see the awful, awful Archies sitting around, being useless and mean. He gave you guys tickets. Stop being shitheads. And it's not like he's playing some dinky all-ages club either. Check it out:
"You're in violation"?! Dilton, you are amazing. I love that he didn't change his look at all for the stage show. In fact, the whole band is wearing exactly what they wore to their first rehearsal.
And now the sweet, sweet pay-off: Archie and friends glumly realizing that they probably should have let Dilton write some songs for them.
Dilton! DO NOT write songs for those assholes! I also can't believe the nerve of Jughead, asking Dilton to pay their bill on top of everything else. And Pop is like "Please pay it, Dilton. They are foreclosing on my house!"
So there you have it. Dilton can do anything.