Sunday, February 24, 2008

Archie Sunday: Canada, Here We Come!!

The (new) Archies are going on vacation to the happiest place on Earth...Canada!

Before we get started, I just want to say that I hate the New Archies. I hate Archie's mullet. I hate Betty's vertical ponytail. I hate Veronica's bob, shades and giant bow. I hate that Moose is 500 lbs. I hate that my beloved Dilton has been replaced by a young black man named Eugene (I'm all for diversity, but writing out Dilton is just plain wrong). And I hate that they are all younger than usual.

But I do love how excited these kids are to go to Canada:

I think maybe they have Canada confused with California.

Aw, that's nice.

Canada here we come. Right back where we started from. Canadaaaaa...here we coooooooome!!

I like that, in the background of the bus, is...Canada? Or something? Where is Riverdale exactly? I always pictured East Coast, but here we have Rocky Mountains in the background.

OK, this is where it gets really good:

Ok, where the hell is Mr Lodge's cabin?! There is no way that all of these sights are on the way. It's just not possible. His cabin would have to be suspended in an alternate dimension.

Basically, to see all of these sights, the gang would have to drive coast to coast, which is about 6100 km, or 3,700 miles. And that's a modest estimate. What I am saying is, Mr Andrews is a very patient man.

Actually, I need to make this point too: I live in Atlantic Canada. I have never seen a puffin. You have to go out to sea to see them. I can only assume that Mr Andrews did this so Reggie could get a picture.

"It's always interesting to see how other people live." What the hell is that supposed to mean, Jughead? In cities? With jobs and cars? What is so fascinating about Calgary? (By the way, Toronto to Calgary? 3,500 km, or almost 2,200 miles).

Do you think that maybe they had all that stuff about Toronto and Calgary first so that they wouldn't give readers the impression that this cabin in the woods is a typical Canadian habitat?

Well, at least we know that it took them about a week to get there, since Mr Lodge is meeting them tomorrow. But still...that's some very speedy driving.

Look at how cute those beavers are! Chomp chomp!


What to do if you spot a bear:

  1. Don't panic
  2. Don't yell
  3. Don't run
Archie fails.
Yet another Canadian vacation ruined by beavers.

I always love it when the Archies travel to Canada for any reason because it's full of inaccuracies and geographical impossibilities. But that doesn't mean I don't love an Atlantic Canada shout-out.

13 comments:

Bill D. said...

I love that they seem to see Toronto and Calgary in the same day.

"Hey, gang, let's stop by Prince Edward Island on the way to Vancouver!"

klew said...

"So this is Calgary. Okay, where to next?" Wouldn't the water level everywhere rise because of the dam, and lower when it breaks? What are we teaching our kids?

running42k said...

What you do with a bear depends on what side of the Doritto chip you eat.

They really blew off La Belle Province in this one.

SallyP said...

Nonsense. I'm sure that it is perfectly possible to see St. John, Montreal, Regina AND Calgary in one day. But you have to be careful to dodge the icebergs.

I believe that it is also a well-known fact that ALL the Mounties are 6'5" and sing "Rose Marie" constantly.

I did notice that they were smart enough not to mess with Reggie. That's a good thing, since Reggie is my favorite. An ass, yes, but MY ass, dammit!

Siskoid said...

We are such a misunderstood country...

I live in New Brunswick and not only haven't I ever seen a puffin, I thought they were more native to Newfoundland, or else Grand Manan would be famous for them as well as whale-watching.

But what do I know. I live in what passes for a "city" in this neck of the woods.

micing said...

I love how the Mom is gritting her teeth when the Dad is all like, "Let's use vacation time to cart around a bunch of kids!" She is totally preparing herself to put on a happy face for the trip. Must...keep...smiling... I bet they were all like, "Yay, we're in Canada!" when they were actually just in northern Michigan.

Jonathan Badger said...

Hey, Archie should get a GPS. Mine often tells me "bear right" so I know I should go left to avoid it.

Michael Jones said...

They were looking at a beaver, Lodge!

FlatlineJack said...

The internet has officially ruined me.
The conversation between the new huge Moose and the new ethnic Dalton is too much. Dalton saying "BIG BEAR" and Moose looking all mooney-eyed at him and asking if he thinks, or WANTS bears to show up is pretty bad, but then when Moose clumsily discusses CARRYING A TORCH it just gets way too awkward.

Have I been reading too much Garth Ennis and Mark Millar? Are Archie comics too happy and simple for me now and I'm just trying to hard to make them twisted?

Alejandro Luna said...

Well, this particular trip to Canada was way kinder than a trip the Archies made to Mexico in the late 60's/early 70's. I remember it vividly and I really wish I had it scaned for you to see. To summarize: They found out Mexico City's airport was in the middle of a jungle, and they almost got robbed by was appeared to be extras from The Treasure of Sierra Madre.

Viagra said...

I wonder if they make it in Canada to gain back some Canadian fans, the last issues of this New Archie have been a boomer.

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