Before we get started, I just want to say that I hate the New Archies. I hate Archie's mullet. I hate Betty's vertical ponytail. I hate Veronica's bob, shades and giant bow. I hate that Moose is 500 lbs. I hate that my beloved Dilton has been replaced by a young black man named Eugene (I'm all for diversity, but writing out Dilton is just plain wrong). And I hate that they are all younger than usual.
But I do love how excited these kids are to go to Canada:
I think maybe they have Canada confused with California.
Aw, that's nice.
Canada here we come. Right back where we started from. Canadaaaaa...here we coooooooome!!
I like that, in the background of the bus, is...Canada? Or something? Where is Riverdale exactly? I always pictured East Coast, but here we have Rocky Mountains in the background.
OK, this is where it gets really good:
Ok, where the hell is Mr Lodge's cabin?! There is no way that all of these sights are on the way. It's just not possible. His cabin would have to be suspended in an alternate dimension.
Basically, to see all of these sights, the gang would have to drive coast to coast, which is about 6100 km, or 3,700 miles. And that's a modest estimate. What I am saying is, Mr Andrews is a very patient man.
Actually, I need to make this point too: I live in Atlantic Canada. I have never seen a puffin. You have to go out to sea to see them. I can only assume that Mr Andrews did this so Reggie could get a picture.
"It's always interesting to see how other people live." What the hell is that supposed to mean, Jughead? In cities? With jobs and cars? What is so fascinating about Calgary? (By the way, Toronto to Calgary? 3,500 km, or almost 2,200 miles).
Do you think that maybe they had all that stuff about Toronto and Calgary first so that they wouldn't give readers the impression that this cabin in the woods is a typical Canadian habitat?
Well, at least we know that it took them about a week to get there, since Mr Lodge is meeting them tomorrow. But still...that's some very speedy driving.
Look at how cute those beavers are! Chomp chomp!
What to do if you spot a bear:
- Don't panic
- Don't yell
- Don't run
Yet another Canadian vacation ruined by beavers.
I always love it when the Archies travel to Canada for any reason because it's full of inaccuracies and geographical impossibilities. But that doesn't mean I don't love an Atlantic Canada shout-out.