My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of Watchmen

Do we need a review of Watchmen to be spoiler-free, actually?

I just got back from an advance screening, and I just wanted to share some quick thoughts.

I thought the movie was a really good, loyal adaptation of the book. For those of us who have read the book, and love the book, it was fun to see it come to life. The acting was great, I dare say that Nite Owl and Rorschach were perfect. The last time I read the book, I had a thought that there is no way that they could make Walter Kovacs (without the mask) as he looks in the book work on screen. I was wrong. He looked perfect.

The fact that it is based on one specific comic book that most fans have read numerous times makes it a weird movie-going experience. As I said, the movie was very loyal. There are no surprises if you've read it, right down to almost every line of dialogue. And, because it's based on a comic, almost every shot is also familiar. So it felt as if I had watched the movie before.

My only real problem with the movie is that it was too gory and that the major sex scene was just too...porny? It was over the top for sure. As for the gore, I think a lot of the most violent scenes would have been better without it. Off screen would have been classier and less distracting (and more like the book).

Oh...and the soundtrack is BATSHIT INSANE. But it kind of charmed me.

But overall the movie looked great, had great acting and had some neat ideas about how to tell this crazy story on screen. I don't know how people who haven't read the book will feel about it. I would imagine that to them it would seem sort of weird and rushed and lacking in a lot of areas. And it would certainly be depressing. But for those of us who have read it, it's just a nice treat to see the story come to life. That's all I expect out of these things. I think the challenge of making a Watchmen movie was met and adequately conquered. And some of the scenes were downright awesome to see on screen!

I mean, I said before I saw the movie that the problem with putting Watchmen on the big screen is that there is really nothing fun about the story. It's pretty joyless. But it is still entertaining, and I think the director made it as fun as it could possibly be without ruining it.

The movie is about three hours long, so good luck to everyone who is going to the midnight screening tomorrow night!

The comic-iest Oscars ever!

I'm using the fact that Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman hosted the Oscars as an excuse to write about them in this comic book blog.

Mr Jackman was delightful, I thought, and I especially loved his opening number with the big "I'm Wolverine!" finisher. He was very funny and charming, but I still don't think he's the sexiest anything, let alone man alive. I'm looking forward to a big musical number in Wolverine.

I loved the set, and having the orchestra out of the pit. And I really liked that Danny Boyle made a point of mentioning how great the set was, and thanking the people responsible. Classy! I don't know how "toned down" the whole works looked, especially with that giant crystal curtain, but who wants to see a low-budget Oscars?

Bill Maher really came off as a douche, eh? Awkward, awkward jokes and very predictable "MY documentary wasn't nominated!" remarks. And then he almost opened the envelope before reading the nominees because he was too busy thinking about how much smarter he is than everyone else. From now on, only delightful, charming people at the Oscars please.

Speaking of looking like a douche: Peter Gabriel. I mean, whatever, I know that cutting the songs off at one minute or whatever seems disrespectful, but when I was watching the performance of the medley of nominated songs, the slots for each one seemed long enough. And poor John Legend (who maybe had laryngitis or maybe was trying to sound more like Peter Gabriel?) had to step in at the last minute and sing those ridiculous lyrics while Gabriel sat a few rows away. What if that song had won? Awk-ward.

Also a douche: Zac Efron for leaving presenting partner Alicia Keyes in his dust when he strode out onto the stage.

And...that kid from Twilight for rocking that ridiculous vampire stare the whole time. Lift your head, son. Stand up straight.

I think the best dress was Marisa Tomei's.

And I think the worst dress was, sadly, the one that Queen Latifah was wearing during her song. Was the dress a tribute to something? It kinda looked like a crazy prom dress that I would have designed when I was seven, and only had one crayon left. Too bad because her red carpet dress was lovely.

I liked that little Pineapple Express bit with Janusz Kaminski, especially when they were watching Milk.

When the first acting award was given out using that five presenters format, I was worried that the show was going to be ten hours long. Cut to Robert Downey Jr in the audience, and I could tell he was thinking the same thing. But y'know what? I really liked it. I thought it was really nice for those past winners to be sharing such kind, and seemingly unscripted at times, words with the nominees. Plus it was exciting to see five amazing actors on the stage at a time (although...best lead actress was given out without much reaction from the audience, but when they brought out the five male actors to give out that award, there was a standing ovation. Women: booooooooo! Men: yaaaaaaaaaay!). I think that they should have used the same format for best director. And, as Matt and I were joking, for best movie. They could just have five things, like "Please welcome The Godfather, Citizen Kane, Ben-Hur, Lawrence of Arabia and the Titanic!"

I have always found it amusing that there is such a huge difference in speeches from when actors win, or when anyone else wins. Actors are always overwhelmed and crying and hyperventilating talking about fainting, but when a sound editor or someone wins they are just like "Thanks. This means a lot." They worked just as hard or harder on the exact same movie, and have also just won the highest honour that they can receive in their industry, but they manage to hold it together.

I was really surprised that Mickey Rourke didn't win, but happy that Sean Penn won. I really liked Milk a lot, and was hoping that it might win best picture. Oh well. Slumdog Millionaire was pretty good too.

And, of course, Heath Ledger's win was both sad and exciting. Exciting because it's the highest honour a comic-based movie has ever won at the Oscars. I still think Christopher Nolan deserved a nomination, but oh well. He'll just have to make the next Batman movie even better.

And finally, yay for the guy from Man on Wire for doing a coin trick at the podium, and then balancing the Oscar on his chin. We need more of that at the Oscars for sure.

Supergirl VS Max Headroom

Very sorry for the lazy theme week. I'm having a pretty busy week. Maybe I should extend this to be Supergirl Month.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving everyone! Here's a clip of Supergirl kicking ass from the terrible-yet-adorable 1984 film. Fun fact! The skinny truckdriver is played by Matt Frewer, aka Max Headroom, aka The Guy on my T-shirt in my Profile Picture!

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of The Dark Knight

I saw a sneak preview of The Dark Knight in Imax on Wednesday. It has taken this long for me to come down from that high.

I am not going to drop any spoilers (although, seriously...if you haven't seen it by now then we don't have as much in common as I'd hoped), but I will say this:

I liked Batman Begins a lot. This made Batman Begins look like a giant sack of crap. I went into this concerned about the look of the new Joker. I never liked the way the Joker looked in any of the posters, promo images or trailers. I am a fan of Heath Ledger, so I felt that it would be a good performance, but maybe not what I am looking for in a Joker.

Long story short, I was wrong to doubt anything. The Joker was amazing. The movie was amazing. Two and a half hours long and not a dull second. Plus, Batman kicks, like, SO MUCH ass!

I actually can't believe how much happened in this movie. It's pretty astonishing. It was so intense and so crazy that I can't believe I was ever entertained by a Batman movie where the main point of suspense was a microwave emitter that was going to evaporate Gotham's water supply. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

So yeah. Amazing. No complaints from me. If I was a parent of a young child who wanted to see this movie, you might hear some complaints. Fruit Roll-ups ads aside, this is not a movie for kids. At all.

Mmmmm...inappropriate.

If you would care to discuss this movie in more detail in the comment thread, bring it on. I still have to get caught up on some of the other blockbusters (Wall-E, Hellboy 2). And I am very excited for X-Files next weekend.

Sunken Spirit

So I, like many comic fans, have some...concerns...about the upcoming film based on The Spirit, being made by Frank Miller. Basically: I think it is going to suck.

Every time I see or hear anything about it, I get cranky. But this quote, from a Newsarama article, is the most bothersome thing I've read yet:

Miller later directs a scene from near the film’s finale in which the Spirit delivers a powerful right cross to the chin of The Octopus, played by Samuel L. Jackson. “From the start, I wanted Sam Jackson to play The Octopus because I’ve always wanted to work with Sam Jackson,” Miller says. “It seems to me he’s always had a part like this inside waiting to get out.”

The villain, who famously never showed his face in Eisner’s comics, will be slightly less mysterious in the film. “I knew I couldn’t get away with two hours of a guy whose face you never see,” Miller said.

WHAT?! The Octopus has existed as a character for almost seven decades. In all that time his face has never been revealed. Now Frank Miller gets to decide what he looks like? And it's Samuel L Jackson?!

Actually, scratch that. It doesn't matter who it is. The point is that Miller has the audacity to feel that, for some reason, he is allowed reveal a mystery that, clearly, Will Eisner never wanted revealed.

“I knew I couldn’t get away with two hours of a guy whose face you never see,” Miller said.

Two hours?! Try seventy years, assface! It worked pretty well in the comics. If you can't tell a good story without Samuel L Jackson's face, that's your problem.

Iron Man Trailer

Is it too soon to say that Iron Man is going to be the greatest movie of all time?

I don't care. I'm saying it anyway.

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of Transformers

Much like Hal Jordan, this movie was good-looking and stupid.

Basically, anything that wasn't giant transforming robots was terrible, and that was kind of a lot. Because this movie is looooooong and has WAY too many characters. There were so many characters that got, like, one scene and their stories never got resolved.

But it's pointless to complain about the lazy plot development of a Transformers movie. When you sit in a theatre, and the lights dim, and the first two things on the screen are A Michael Bay Film, Produced by Hasbro Toys...you know you are not going to be seeing some quality cinema.

I did find myself getting way more excited than I expected when the Autobots and Deceptacons were doing their roll calls. And just in general every time they talked or moved or transformed, it was very dope. I thought the robots looked great, and they were very big.

But crazy jerky camera work left me wondering what the hell was going on most of the time, particularly in the battle scenes. It was just really hard to watch, sometimes.

It is a good summer time at the movies, though. It ain't summer until Michael Bay blows something up.

There is one specific point I want to make about the movie, but I'll post it in the comment thread.

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Silver Surfer! Whoosh!

I had a really good time at this movie, but I am of the camp that didn't hate the first one. I thought that Iaon Gruffudd stepped it up as Reed Richards, and Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis continued to be great. My only complaints were Sue Storm's eye make-up, which was ridiculously trampy, and just plain bad-looking, for the entire movie, and Dr Doom, who still sucked.

The problem with Dr Doom, besides the fact that the writers took some serious liberties with the character, is that Julian McMahon really, really phones him in. It's like, he gets to play Dr Doom in a movie, and he could care less. It's depressing. His Doom voice (or lack thereof) is so distracting. He does, however, have more costume changes than Cher on her farewell tour.

These are two fairly minor problems with a movie that, overall, was fun, cool-looking, and entertaining. It's an honest-to-God superhero movie with crazy comic book action. Plus, and this is a little spoilery, Stan Lee plays himself in the movie. It made my mind explode.

I'm happy to chat about the specifics of the movie in the safety zone of the comment thread.

Contest Reminder and Fun With Iron Man

Just a quick reminder that there are only two days left to email me some photos of your favourite comic book shop. All contributors will be entered to win a copy of the fabulous first issue of The Spirit, signed by Darwyn Cooke.

I just watched Fantastic Four again, so I'm all set for Rise of the Silver Surfer this Friday. It will be great.

I was thinking about the upcoming Iron Man movie today, and you know what's going to be really great about it?

The Milk ads.

Random Thoughts

I didn't get any new comics today because stupid Victoria Day slowed them up. I'll be getting them tomorrow. The wait is agonizing. I do have the new Spirit, though, because Darwyn Cooke is nice and gave us all one. I'm going to read it in a second, but first some random thoughts on things.

1. The Dark Knight Marketing Campaign

It seems that The Dark Knight marketing team has unleashed a teaser promotional campaign so clever that I thought for sure it was a fan-made hoax. It's simply too interesting. You can get a good run-down of it by clicking on this link.

Basically it combined the release of this image:

...with this secret website that saavy net-surfing comic nerds discovered:

And finally this hidden image, giving us our first official photo of the new Joker:

I don't know how I feel about the look of the new Joker. I think, and have said all along, that Heath Ledger is a great casting choice and will do a good job. [EDIT - this is a total lie...I went on record voicing my concern about the casting choice last year, but I can't remember ever actually feeling that way]. I also know that The Dark Knight is a movie and not a cartoon or a comic book, and the character of The Joker needs to blend in with all that. So the make-up artists are faced with the challenge of creating a Joker for the screen that doesn't look like a cartoon character in the middle of a bunch of gritty realism. (For the record, I really loved Batman Begins, and appreciate and understand that a movie cannot possibly give comic fans everything they would want to see on screen. There will never be a definitive Batman movie, but there already is one high quality one and I am looking forward to seeing two more).

So keeping all that in mind...I still don't think I like this Joker, based on first appearances. But that's possibly more the fault of the photo itself, which looks like a Tool poster. The marketing campaign was brilliant, and damn near perfect, but the problem is...this Joker does not look like the same Joker that would deface Harvey Dent's campaign poster, litter a comic book shop with playing cards, and set up a creepy website. It would have been a little more fun to have the camera angle coming from above, and having him look up at the camera with a creepy expression. It would have been a lot more familiar as a Joker image.

Aw, listen to me. Nitpicking like some sort of comic nerd. I'm just happy these movies are getting made. And I really do appreciate the fun promotional stuff. I seriously can't wait for this movie.

2. The Smallville Season Six Finale

I know you all really watch and care about Smallville. Sometimes I feel like they are making new episodes only for me. I watched the finale the other night and, well, I'm just going to lay down some mad spoilers because nobody on Earth cares.

- Smallville, you do it to me every year. You throw episode after episode of mediocrity at me, making me swear I'm going to stop watching, and then you hit me with a Superman-related finale/cliffhanger that guarantees my loyalty for another year. Because sometimes I need to be reminded that the show is about Superman. This year's Superman reference? Bizarro! I was very excited by the final shot of Bizarro Clark flying at the camera.
I was less excited by this very clunky exchange:

Clark: Who are you?
Bizarro Clark: I'm you, only a little more bizarre.

Ouch. There has to be a better way to get that information across. He could have at least talked like Bizarro. Then it would have been cute instead of embarrassing.

- Is Lana really and truly dead? That would be so fantastic. But even more fantastic would have been if Lois had died. Everyone knows Chloe is a better Lois Lane than Lois Lane will ever be. The character suuuuuuuucks and makes no sense! She lives and works in Smallville, yet still calls Clark "Smallville." The sexual tension between Clark and Chloe is the most compelling thing on the entire show, and yet it is almost totally ignored. If Lois were killed off, the viewers could be rewarded by the revelation that Chloe is going to be the real and future Lois Lane (she could take her cousin's name...or whatever. Just make it happen, writers! Know your audience! We deserve a happy ending!).
Chloe had better not be dead. I will seriously stop watching the show. You hear that, Smallville? 50% of your audience will be gone, just like that! And it looks like Lionel will make it back for another season, which is dope. Lex is just boring now, which is too bad. But there will be some awesome hatred between he and Clark over this whole Lana thing. Unless she's still alive. Which she probably is. *sigh*

- I think season 6 was the best season yet, overall. Definitely some terrible episodes (Clark battles flawed immigration policy, anyone?), but I loved Green Arrow and Martian Manhunter and Jimmy Olsen and the Phantom Zone and Zod and the whole Justice League episode. It was fun.
Plus, Allison Mack completely rocked the house as Chloe all season, and had the best wardrobe I've seen on a character since the Mary Tyler Moore Show.

So yeah, I'll be back next season. As long as Chloe is there. And after next season ends there should be a spin-off called Chloe and Lionel where they are roommates and solve mysteries. It would fill the void that comes from Veronica Mars being canceled (boooooooo!!!).

Smallville doesn't really ever give me what I want out of a young Superman show, but I love them for trying.

3. Adam Hughes Weighs In

Hughes did an interview over at Newsarama about the whole MJ statue thing. He's surprised about how much attention this thing got. Frankly, so am I. Even when I did my post on the statue, I never expected to even get two comments, much less a quote in the New York Post, for chrissake. I wouldn't even say that I was outraged. More like...I have a comedy-based blog about comic books, and that thing was way too ridiculous to not post about. It's not like it was at all surprising. I mean...the thong is still a little surprising to me. It's just so...trashy.

Anyway, you can check out that link above and read the interview. I like Adam Hughes as an artist quite a bit. I will say this, however: Adam, dude, you may not want to bring racism into this argument. I understand what you're trying to say, but...you start trying to carry things in that direction, and you're just going to come off sounding crazy.

And that's the last I'm going to say about that thing.

Free Comic Book Day is Tomorrow!!!

Here's what the store that I'm lucky enough to work for is doing:

Now that's an all-star line-up if I ever saw one. I can't believe I get to meet Owly!!! Er, I mean...Andy Runton! I'll take lots of pictures.

I gotta run to work and move boxes of comics to Saint David's Hall. Later...more previews. For real!

Also...Spider-Man 3 is SO GREAT! I hate Venom in general, but I was comforted by the fact that you can kinda tell that Sam Raimi does too. Spider-Man!

I'm so very tired right now.

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of Grindhouse

This movie was so awesome and fun. It has nothing to do with comics, but I just thought I should let you know.

It's totally violent and gross, but I'm sure you comic-lovin' types can handle it.

Feel free to discuss the movie in greater detail with me behind the spoiler-shield (the comment thread).

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of TMNT

Dear Michelangelo,

I suppose it would be easiest to just come out and say it. I know how you value honesty.

As you probably know, I was in love with you for the better part of two years. Possibly even three, but I tried to downplay it during that last one. Your playful one-liners and carefree attitude, teamed with the fact that you were clearly the most attractive turtle, swept me off my feet. Alas, I was only nine years old, and you were well into your teens. I hoped that you would wait for me.

And now we've met once again, all these years later. I fear that, during our time apart, I have outgrown you. I am now an adult woman, and you remain a teenager, which, I have to say Mikey, is strange.

I was pleased to see that you are still looking well. Time has not dampened your zest for life, nor your sense of humour. You seem to be listening to younger, hipper music that makes me feel old, and perhaps "Spin That Wheel" and "Ninja Rap" were never really as good as I thought they were.

I guess what I am trying to say is, although I am still very fond of you, it is clear that our lives are very different now. You, an adolescent turtle living in the sewers of New York, and I a 26-year-old woman about to enter graduate school. I guess we weren't meant to be.

You will always be my favourite Ninja Turtle. I know most girls were attracted to Raphael's tough-guy loner attitude, but for me it was always you. I wish you all the best with your future, which I hope will be long. No doubt there will be other nine-year-old girls who look at you and hear wedding bells. One of them should be so lucky.

Truly,
Rachelle

Oh, Aaron, Let's Make a Film...

So we have our Harvey Dent for the upcoming Batman movie, and it's Aaron Eckhart.

I basically have no opinion of this man, other than the fact that his name sounds a lot like Aaron Echolls creeps me out due to the amount of Veronica Mars I've been watching lately. And he looks a lot like Harry Hamlin to boot. So I'll probably never be able to think that he's not a psychopath. Which is good...what with him becoming Two-Face and all.

I do have this to say about him: he's about 40. Which is probably too old for a young DA starting up in Gotham. I like the idea of a 20-something year old actor getting the role a lot better.

There has also been some bizarre Dark Knight casting: the Rachel Dawes character will be returning, but this time played by Maggie Gyllenhaal. That's an improvement, but it's also...why bother? Just cut the character. He really doesn't need a love interest that badly.

But these are minor quibbles. I seriously can't wait for this movie.

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of 300

Seriously. Go see this movie. There is no way you won't have a good time. Don't overthink it. It's like watching a really great sporting event. 300 buff dudes fight off wave after crazy wave of Persians. And it looks great...

...really, really great...

Damn. Those are some buff dudes.

Anyway, it's a good time at the movies. It's not too long, which I appreciate, and it more or less looks like and follows the book. There's some kinda lame added subplots, but I don't want to spoil anything. I would be happy to discuss the movie more in depth in the comments thread. Until then, just go see it, then walk out of there ripping your shirt off and killing something in the name of Sparta.

Yeah, that's right, Frank. I liked it. Shut up and stop looking so smug.

Batman on Film: Ranked

Because it was brought up the other night while watching the Richard Donner cut of Superman II (totally watch this...it's worth it), here are how I would rank the Batman movies from best to worst.

1. Batman Begins
2. Batman Returns
3. Batman: The Movie (1966)
4. Mask of the Phantasm
5. Return to the Batcave: The Misadventures of Adam and Burt
6. Batman (1989)
7. The Batman/Superman Movie
8. Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker



9. Batman Forever
10. Batman and Robin

Notice the long break before those last two. No accident. Although, I might actually prefer Batman and Robin to Forever because it is one of the most hilarious things you can watch.

And, yeah. I think Batman Begins is the best Batman movie. Which one is better...really? We'd all love to stay stuck in the 90s and preach the virtues of Tim Burton to today's troubled youth, but...seriously. I can barely watch the first Batman movie because of Kim Basinger's CONSTANT SCREAMING. And I love that movie, I really do. But it's flawed. Very flawed. I greatly prefer Returns, but even that isn't so much a great Batman movie. It's just great for what it is.

Hopefully this will spark some debate. Because I know you nerds out there love to go on about what the best superhero movies are.

In the meantime...POW!

Internet Roadtrip #1

I'll admit that I don't read a lot of Marvel anymore. Lately it's pretty much been Astonishing X-Men, and Runaways. I was checking out their website today and it's a real mess. Check it out. It hurt me to look at it. And everything confused me. Marvel's website makes me feel old. It's what we in the media industry call "a design nightmare," or "trying too hard."

On imdb they have actually listed Heath Ledger as The Joker in 'Untitled Batman Begins Sequel'. They have 'rumoured' after his name, but still...and the other hot rumour is that Jake Gyllenhaal is going to be Harvey Dent. Um...this could be a really...good...movie. Who's the casting director? Me?

Honestly, though...Heath Ledger? The Joker? I don't really think so. I liked the Paul Bettany rumour. I thought that was a step in the right direction.

Although...
That is a pretty stretchy smile he's got there. And he looks convincing holding that spraycan (which could contain a toxic gas of some sort).

Hey, imdb now has little pictures of the actors next to their names. I like that feature. It's cute.

Meanwhile, at Kryptonsite, they're covering the upcoming appearance of Green Arrow on Smallville. Oliver Queen is being played by the same guy who played Aquaman last season. He was supposed to have his own spin-off, but that got canned. I can't imagine that it would have been a good show. I'll be downloading that pilot. He will go down in history for uttering the gayest line ever said on Smallville:

Clark Kent: "Are you alright?"
Aquaman (shirtless): "Wet and ready, bro."

To utter the gayest line ever on Smallville is no small feat. There is a lot of competition.

It was a pretty gay episode. And by 'gay,' I mean 'homosexual.'













I don't like it when shows get the same actor to play two roles. And what happens if this turns into a super-lame JLA show? Then you've got one actor playing two guys on the same show at the same time. He'd be exhausted. Wonder Woman would be all "Hey, Aquaman, where's Green Arrow?" And Aquaman would sweat and say "He's...eating...lunch."

I can understand wanting to use this actor a lot, though. He has a crazy superhero body. He made Clark Kent look like Lou Reed by comparison in this episode.

The internet is awesome.