The Man Loves His Work

There's nothing quite like the satisfaction someone feels after a job well done.

Sometimes even Batman is thrilled by how awesome he is.

(Panel from Batman #290 by David V. Reed and Mike Grell).

Rachelle VS a letter from over 30 years ago

Here is a letter that was printed in Lois Lane #115 (1975):

Bitch, calm down. First of all, she's a fictional character so any answer to the question "What happened?" is going to sound crazy. And secondly, let's have a look at this allegedly "bulky" and "sometimes even fat" heroine (from Lois Lane #111).

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Thorn is so fat, she has to iron her clothes in the driveway! When she jumps she gets stuck!

This art was drawn by Gray Morrow and it is BEAUTIFUL. Are you kidding me? She looks totally foxy. She just looks real.

For the record, this is what Thorn usually looked like:

Scalphunter hates two things: the white man, and high comic book prices.

There is something really hilarious and wrong about this subscription ad:

Man, Scalphunter is hanging from a noose! And they're making cute puns!

I mean...why stop there...

Gigantic Fun with the Super Sons!

Woah, what's going on here?

Man, that sounds great! Let's have a look inside!

Jive talking?! Tandem motorcycling?! It can only be the Super Sons! Let's see what those crazy cats get up to this time.

Y'know, sometimes a hero will say 'clown' and mean it to be a derogatory description for a crook. But sometimes he actually means 'clown.'

So why were those clowns slapping you around, doll?

Once again I find myself momentarily forgetting that these are the sons of Superman and Batman, and not Superman and Batman proper. Because that would be really funny. As it is, I just hate these guys.

"So, I see you were getting assaulted there. That must have really shaken you up. How about a kiss?"

Ok, so Superman and Batman jrs volunteer to fill in for the two thugs in Dora's play...or whatever. So off they go to a maximum security prison in the Mystery Machine.

Man, Superman's son gives me the jeeblies.

And speaking of the jeeblies, wait until you see this play:

I guess prisoners accept anything as entertainment.

Things get crazy after this. Dora turns out to be Lex Luthor's daughter, Ardora, born on Lexor while Lex was off the planet. Everybody is surprised by this information, and next thing we know Supes and Bats jrs are chasing Luthor and daughter into space after Dora springs her dad out of prison and brings him back to Lexor. Supes is heartbroken, and continues to harbour a crush on Dora.

Then Superman Jr comes down with a lightning-fast case of Gigantism, which ends when he gets bitten by a giant lizard. Cause, y'know. There was only one page left to wrap everything up on.

Batman's quote there is almost a haiku. A crazy, crazy haiku.

Ok, I think my favourite thing about this whole comic is the final panel. Ardora decides she was wrong to hurt the Super Sons, and that her father does deserve to face justice for his crimes on Earth. So she forces him onto a spaceship with our heroes at gunpoint. Now that you're up-to-date, here's the final panel:

Luthor smiling and waving kills me. He's in good spirits for a man who just had a gun pointed at his back by his own daughter. "Bye-bye! See you when I get out of prison! Oh, Superman and Batman jrs, this will be a fun roadtrip back to Earth! I brought granola bars and Justin Timberlake!"

Please, everyone buy a copy of the Saga of the Super-Sons trade that DC is releasing in December. Because we all need to have 256 collected pages of these guys. If you don't love this delicious Haney goodness, then you don't love life.

AAAAAHHH!! LOOK OUT, WALLY!!!

It's Dr Light!!!

For the love of God, get out of that position!!!

Did Dr Light Just Say What I Think He Said?

Yes. Yes he did.

Ann = Awesome

Sometimes you find an old comic that you want, but the kid who used to own it wrote on the cover, and it kind of sucks.

But sometimes it's kind of awesome.

Let's Rap!

In 1970, DC got its two squarest heroes to convince kids to fill out a survey.

"Let's Rap!" says Superman, fooling no one.

You can jive talk all you want, Supes. It only makes you look older.

We dig, Superman.

"Groovy?" Take another hit, you hippy!

Anyway, let's see what "groovy" things kids can choose from.

Wait, I'm sorry. What was that?

Yup, wedged right in there between Pollution and Space Flights.

Also of note on that list, Sports - which one (with nowhere to write which one) and Astrology. Not astronomy. Astrology. I would like to read a comic that involves everything on that list. Black astrologists who fly into space to solve city and national problems like pollution. Also, they play sports and fall in love. And have hobbies. (Hobbies is so vague. I love it).

It's worth reading the rest of that survey too.

Rating the Super Hunks #6: Magnus, Robot Fighter

There's been a lot of talk about sexism in comics this week. Let's take an ironic break from that and rate another superhunk.

This week's challenger:

Magnus, Robot Fighter

Costume/Appearance: It takes a real man to fight robots while wearing nothing but a very short shift dress and white go-go boots. I consider Magnus to be the great equalizer when it comes to comic book cheesecakery. There are so many ridiculous, impractical female superhero costumes out there, and yet this guy might have one of the silliest. And most blatantly sexual.

It's a very short skirt. And this comic offers consistent upskirt shots, something that is seldom seen in a male superhero comic. The truth is, Magnus should look ridiculous, but he doesn't. He's got a fantastic body, and he shows it off. Plus, he's got really nice features. Great hair, steely blue eyes, powerful eyebrows. He's an attractive guy.

Plus, I really like that belt with the big "M" on it.

Oh, and sometimes his costume gets ripped so it's even skimpier.

10/10

Alter-Ego: Doesn't really have one. He's actually a pretty famous dude in the year 4000. A hero of the people. This is usually the section where I talk about a hero's personality, though, so I'll do that.

Despite appearances, Magnus is a pretty macho guy. I mean, he spends most of his time fighting robots. And sexing his lady-friend, Leeja.

He seems like a nice guy, but can be kind of whiny. He's always saying he doesn't want to do one thing or another. He's conflicted about fighting robots sometimes, and he can be a little emo about his robot up-bringing. But generally, he's all man.

8/10

Dayjob: He fights robots.

10/10

Sexiness of Powers: Magnus has superhuman strength which allows him to destroy robots with his bare hands. That's pretty much it, but that ain't bad.

9/10

Cons: After issue #25 of the Valiant series, Magnus started wearing lame-looking armor when he fought robots. Booooo. I'm taking off a couple points for that decision.

- 2

Final Score: 35/40

I heart Magnus. His comics are like the Harlequin romance novels of comics. He puts on a little dress, fights some robots, flexes his muscles, maybe takes his top off, maybe makes out with someone, and you're done. Very easy to follow, and very easy on the eyes.

Fun With Batman

Phew. I'm done with photo posts for awhile. Let's get back to what really matters: hilarious Batman panels.

This panel just gets funnier and funnier the more I look at it:

Batman takes time to do the little things:

Wait. That's the clock in the Batmobile?! It's a dial clock!

In case what you're wondering what Rule Number One is for Batman:

1. Don't daydream while driving the Batmobile, causing yourself to be nearly wrapped around a pole.

2. Don't talk about being Batman.

3. Avenge parents.

Alright, get ready to cry:

Doctor?! Doctor of what?! That does not look like proper medical treatment.

Man, I like to think that, even if he saw his parents again, Batman wouldn't call them Mommy and Daddy. His parents look a little horrified by it.

Ooo! Heroes is on in an hour! I hope this is one where those Petrelli brothers finally just give in and make out with each other.

"It's Not Easy To Be Me"

I...I just...words escape me.

Best. Thing. Ever.

Oh but I wish I could. Had I access to a time machine, I would be there so fast. No moment in history could possibly be as great as this one. To see the world's greatest heroes in all their splendor...stunt waterskiing at Sea World!

Is there anyone out there who was lucky enough to witness this? I desperately want to know how awesome it was.

Bob Haney Rules Week: Closing Ceremonies

It is with a heavy heart that I write this, the final post in Bob Haney Rules Week.

I just read Brave and the Bold #138.

The world's two greatest escape artists? Awesome!

Batman talks a lot like Dean Martin in this book:



And he wears an extra-long cape, it seems.

The best thing about this story, though, is that it leads to this:

If I were the bad guy I would have taken an extra minute to remove Batman's belt as well. Anyway, this is all very awkward and embarrassing for Mr Miracle. He's not happy:

I love that. Batman's all, "Now just relax, Scott. What's your hurry? Let's try to make the most of a bad situation here..."

Actually, Batman is basically useless throughout this entire story. He's lucky he has Mr Miracle along.

Mr Miracle busts out of that net, without clothing, and yells an awesome threat at the villain. And Batman...sits and swings like a market cheese.

Well, he did offer this piece of expert detective work:

And that, my friends, is why he's the World's Greatest Detective.

(And, really, who doesn't engrave their name on their pickaxe?).

You shut your mouth, Batman! This is a Haney comic and it can and WILL work! Be gone with your scientific reasoning and pesky facts! There is no room for them here in Haneytown! I'll not have you spoiling my fun!

Alright. So there you have it. Bob Haney rules. I'm not saying that I forgive him for the Super Sons, but...well, maybe that is what I'm saying. Here's a bonus panel from the Saga of the Super Sons that I left out of my post about them:

Bruce Wayne: father of the year.