Thursday, September 20, 2007

This Week's Haul: The Sexiest Week Ever

So many Batmans this week. Adorable Batman. Horny Batman. Retro Dickweed Batman. Loving Father Figure Batman. Grumpy Wedding Invite Decliner Batman.

There were other characters too. But mostly Batman.

It's a sexy week for comics all around. Let's have a look:

Catwoman #71

Rachelle cannot come to the phone right now because she has MELTED INTO A PUDDLE OF GOO after reading this comic.

Behold Batman holding Helena:

Ok, I try not to be, like, a girl, but I just really lose it over Batman and Catwoman. I want them to be together forever.

And then...Selina asks Bruce to help her "kill" herself and her daughter so bad guys will stop going after her. So they come up with this crazy scenario where Bruce dresses up like a crazed suicide bomber:

He blows the three of them up, or so it seems, and Catwoman is free to start a new life. Which we'll see starting in the next issue, but I assume involves the Outsiders. I hope it involves Bruce Wayne, but that's me being a girl again. She's the only woman I'll accept as Batman's lady...except me.

Superman/Batman #40

Bitch, you best back off.

I do not know much about Bekka, other than:

a) she is Orion's wife and a New God;
b) she is a giant ho.

While I appreciated the amount of naked Batman in this issue, I did not appreciate Little Miss No-Pants pawing him:

Nor did I appreciate how into it Bruce was:

Oh what, Bruce? You've never seen a woman wearing nothing but a dish towel over her ass before?

She's such a skank. Look at how she prays:

Anyway, Miss Thang and Batman have to do something or other together. I was trying to focus on something other than wanting to smack Bekka down, but Batman was not helping:

What sorcery are you using on my poor Batman, witch?!


Birds of Prey #110

Huntress is awesome. And so is Tony Bedard.

Robin #166

And now a public service announcement from Robin:

The more you know, kids!

This whole page was very cute...Bruce has been all cranky about Tim wanting to join the school tennis team. Which, I gotta say, is pretty obnoxious of Bruce.
Good for you, Tim! Stand up to him!

Captain America #30

My monthly hit of my delicious Winter Soldier.

I love you, baby.

But wait! What's this?

He can be shut down just by saying a single word? Don't we wish all men could have that feature? Am I right, ladies? Holla!

Tony Stark is being all emo:

Tony, you have to do what makes you happy.

Meanwhile, Sharon's complicated life doesn't get any easier:

Cue soap opera music!

Oh, girl. You have to have Captain America's baby. It will be the most awesome baby.

And this complicated my life:

So sexy! And yet...Tony Stark! Argh! I'm so confused!

Big shocker ending on this comic! You should read it!

Countdown Week 32

I just really like that cover. Very cute.

We get to see Black Canary's Bachelorette party for the third time in this comic. But this time Piper and Trickster are there...trying to steal car keys so they can make a break for it. It's pretty fun.

And we get to see more of the party, including Wonder Woman being Captain Bring-Down:

I think it might be too late for those girls being exposed to sexist objectification, Wonder Woman. I mean, they have mirrors, right? (Zing!)

I do appreciate her effort, though.

The Green Arrow/Black Canary Wedding Special

I think that Judd Winick and Amanda Conner are a great match. They both have a goofy playfulness to what they do, so this ended up being pretty fun.

Plus, Judd Winick is a pretty big superhero friendships nerd, so I think he was the right man for the job for this.

I loved this dig at Connor:

Vegan food and slide shows! Oh man, slide shows! It's true. And I love that whole bottom panel of the party-clothes superheroes.

This scene between Wonder Woman and Superman was absolutely adorable:

So cute. Too bad he wasn't right about all that "no evil to be found" stuff. The wedding kinda had some problems.

I enjoyed all the Snapper Carr bashing in this:

I enjoyed this. I laughed out loud quite a few times. Amanda Conner was a great choice for the art because no one does cheesecake better than her. And there was a lotta sexy action in this.


JLA/Hitman #1

This was fun! I was skeptical because I don't really enjoy Garth Ennis's cynicism toward superheroes, but I liked this. It was a fun 90s throwback, and I liked having a follow-up story to Hitman #34, which had Superman having a heart-to-heart with Tommy on a rooftop.

The highlight for me was definitely Batman chewing Kyle out for once working with Tommy, only to be interrupted by Superman entering the room:


This was great. Looking forward to the next one.

Aquaman #56

I love this comic. It's fun, intelligent, great-looking, well-written and funny. So of course it's been canceled.

I'm miserable. I'm not kidding when I say that this was one of the comics that I looked most forward to every month.

I mean, just look at how great this page is!:

That's a fun page!

What I really like about Tad Williams' writing is that his characters have a very natural way of speaking. There's a lot of dialogue, and it's quippy, but not in a Bendis way. I have nothing against Bendis, but the dialogue sounds a lot more scripted in his comics. I mean, it's a comic book so you can expect some over-dramatic and clunky dialogue, but I thought the writing really stood out on this series. And the story was really exciting. I'm very sad that there is only one issue left. Boooooooo!

World War Hulk #4

We finally get to see Dr Strange, Iron Man, Mr Fantastic and Black Bolt fight each other in a gladiator arena. But we don't get to see enough of it, in my opinion. I was really looking forward to some crazy gladiator action. I guess I wouldn't have been satisfied with anything short of a major motion picture. (Oh, wouldn't that have been great? If WWHulk had just been leading up to a two hour movie of the four of them wailing on each other?).

It woulda looked a little something like this:

Reed is totally gonna smash Tony with that mace!

Good times.

Marvel Adventures: Avengers #16

Speaking of good times, this was awesome!!

Stark gets some battlesuits stolen from him, and the Avengers have to fight them.

Also, Hawkeye is there!

And Iron Man gets his pants melted off!

Aw, remember when the Avengers were fun?

Tales of the Sinestro Corps: Parallax

It's a good week for Kyle fans because you get a lot of him in this, and in JLA/Hitman.

And in this, he is super dreamy:

Man, it's a good week for hotness in my comics this week. Thanks, comics!

I enjoyed this. It was emotional and exciting and stuff.

And Kyle put his old outfit on!

It's one of those A-Hero-Battles-His-Evil-Self-Inside-His-Own-Mind comics, but that never really gets old, does it?

Superman Doomsday on DVD

Hoo boy.

Ok, this movie was flawed to say the very least. For one thing, it is way too dark and violent for kids (I lost count of the number of necks being snapped) and way too boring and lame for adults. It's just not a good movie. I'm not a fan of this story line in the comics, but this was infinitely worse. And that's too bad.

Also, it was very, very gay. And by 'gay,' I mean 'homoerotic.' And not in a good way. In the way that Lex Luthor makes a Superman clone specifically so he can take his frustrations out on him. He beats him around while wearing Kryptonite gloves and no shirt, yelling things like "Why did you leave me?!" Then he straddles him, leans in so their faces are an inch apart, and says, I swear to God, "Who's your daddy?" And I fell out of my chair. It's messed right up.

Again, not really for kids. Besides the parade of spinal snappings and Lex's sexual dysfunctions, there are scenes like, oh, I don't know, LEX SHOOTING MERCY IN THE FACE, POINT BLANK!

Cartoons are fun!


Caleb said...

Adorable Batman. Horny Batman. Retro Dickweed Batman. Loving Father Figure Batman. Grumpy Wedding Invite Decliner Batman.

I think you just rattled off the greatest line of Batman action figures ever. That sounds much better than Jungle Attack Batman, Arctic Action Batman and Scuba Batman or whatever.

Carl Walker said...

I first met Snapper Carr though Hourman, in which he was a pretty cool guy who was of course haunted by some of the stupid things he'd done as a kid, so I may be the only person who is somewhat saddened by the Snapper-bashing.

rachelle said...

Caleb - Sweet. Now I have a new poll question.

Carl - I think you may be.

Batmanisgrim said...

When I read Superman Batman I couldn't wait to see what you had to say about it.
There was one Batman I think you missed, that was the Batman in Batman Lobo Deadly Serious#2.
I will probably be the only one who liked Superman Doomsday, although the expression "Whose Your Daddy" should be banned.
The interesting thing about World War Hulk is that the Hulk has made a perfect case why he should be exiled. It was nice to see the Sentry finally get off his ass to
do something.

David page said...

Bekka is so dead anyway I predict she will be a new godian donut by the end of the story

SallyP said...

Catwoman was fun. Is it just me, or did anyone else think that Bruce REALLY enjoyed getting to play the Mad Bomber What Bombs at Midnight?

Ollie and Dinah's wedding was fun...up until the last page anyway. The REAL bonus, is looking at all the background characters, and what they are doing. And wasn't it cute that Clark, Alan and Jay were all wearing suits and ties to the bachelor party? And look...there's Guy!

The JLA/Hitman book is hysterical.

Bueno, bueno, bueno.

The thought of Reed and Tony having to beat each other up, is pure delight.

And gosh, but Kyle is just soooo pretty. He needs to be Superhunked.

rachelle said...

Batmanisgrim - S/B was amazingly ridiculous. I can't believe Batman said he was "aroused beyond all reason." BEYOND ALL REASON!

Excellent point about WWHulk.

David - Here's hoping.

Sallyp - Now I'm all worried about what's going to happen with Catwoman. I'm scared they're gonna do something stupid like have Zatanna mindwipe her back to being bad, or take away Helena, or all of those things. Or have someone else be Catwoman. All of these would make me so pissed.

The backgrounds were fantastic in the Wedding Special. I loved the boys in their bachelor party clothes. And the strippers who were dressed like various DC heroes and villains! It's funny because in the JLA Wedding Special, they were dressed like X-Men.

Kyle does need to be superhunked. And fast.

Bill D. said...

Wow... it's amazing to see Batman smile twice in a month's worth of books, but twice in the same week? Incredible.

Insert obligatory "Dan Didio must have been on vacation" joke here.

Anonymous said...

That's disappointing to hear about the movie. Because nothing makes a villain more evil than twinning thinly veiled homoeroticism (and homophobia) and violence. Boo. But I can't pass up even violent homoeroticism, so I'm going to have to check that out.

Chance said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The most entertaining comics reviews on the internet are found right here.

I have three points:

'Sputnik' is kind of a common word to have someone fall unconscious to, ain't it? I mean, aren't the odds pretty good that someone would say Sputnik around him? Specially since he's been in Russia?

That Tad Williams page looks terrifically fun. Too late for me to start buying it, I guess.

I hate to be 'that guy,' but since I am anyway, I'll just say it: Black Canary knows a dozen different ways to disable an assailant without killing him. So while I loved the issue up until that point, I was turned off then.

j. said...

I can always count on you to be a voice of reason, Rachelle. Bless you for your "right on" critique of the Superman: Doomsday movie. It was gay in the bad way.

I'm gonna air another little grievance I had with it and that's Superman in a relationship with Lois. It wasn't just the sex that bothered me but the set-up with Clark Kent at the Planet. Clark is off on assignment to Afghanistan which is a pretty major piece of news coverage...and a country that could probably use a little Superman assistance. Cut to the next scene with Lois coming out of Superman's shower after a little implied sex. Followed by more implied sex!

Couldn't Clark have gone to cover something less important than Afghanistan when he really had no intention of covering it in the first place? Maybe he could have gone to Hawaii to cover the Miss Pineapple Pageant. How is Clark going to explain to Perry why he has absolutely nothing on Afghanistan?

That and so much more struck me as insanely bad writing from the Warners people.

At least there's still New Frontier to look forward to.


j. said...

Oh yeah...and why didn't Superman take Doomsday up, up and away and keep him up, up and away from any further damage to Metropolis. Instead they crash land and destroy city blocks worth of buildings and then die.

But not before Lois informs Superman that he "did it. He saved everyone." Everyone except the poor people who live and work in all those buildings that blew up.

Really bad writing.

p.s. Sorry, I guess that movie really bothered me more than I thought. :)

rachelle said...

j, I know exactly how you feel. I know I should just forget about that stupid movie because it is so insignificant and bad, but for some reason I can't stop talking/thinking about it.


Oh yeah...and why didn't Superman take Doomsday up, up and away and keep him up, up and away from any further damage to Metropolis. Instead they crash land and destroy city blocks worth of buildings and then die.

But not before Lois informs Superman that he "did it. He saved everyone." Everyone except the poor people who live and work in all those buildings that blew up.

That is EXACTLY what we said while watching it! He could have taken him further into space. Or he could have dropped him into the ocean or into the desert or the Arctic or...ANYWHERE but Metropolis!

And Superman is willing to sleep with Lois, but not tell her his real identity? That's terrible! And he has a robot that likes to watch? Ew!

And how about Jimmy dressing like Don Johnson? With an earring?

Now I'm getting all angry again.

The best part of the DVD was the New Frontier trailer, which restored my hope in animated entertainment.

Viagra said...

The first issue with Catwoman that's a Batman i haven't seen before. Nursing (if I may use that word) the little baby. That's cute, they should stick together for a long time