If there is one thing I love as much as comic books, it's food. Logically, I then also love this classic story from Lois Lane #1.
It begins when Lois overhears some sound advice on how to get a man to propose to you. Naturally, this interests her due to her unhealthy obsession with Superman. Check out the Daily Planet's love advice columnist:
You know that dude is getting it regular.
So Lois is thinking about making Superman a home-cooked meal. But then she's like "But why stop there when I can do something totally insane?!"
Perry White is so drunk in that panel.
Right, so Lois gets a job as a chef, and also gets a week off her job as a reporter (besides that gripping article she's expected to turn in about her life as a short-order cook).
The bait is set...let's see if Superman bites...
"Doo-de-doo...flying around and...WHA?! Steak?! Whoosh!"
Oh, Lois. That is not how you cook a steak. Salamander ovens are for nachos and other things that need melting. You are being crazy.
So everything seems to be coming up Lois, until...
Oh no! Superman's heat vision has ruined what would have been a perfectly mediocre steak!
So I guess Lois is putting in 12-hour days at the diner.
Oh how I wish there was a pancake that made you a Man of Steel rather than a Man of Tummy Aches.
So Lois's false promises about the pancakes draw in a pretty big crowd. So big that she can't handle it and has to take on an adorable sous chef:
Superman works hard. So hard, in fact, that when he is done there is no pancake batter left for him!
Lois once again resorts to false advertising, and then goes about making a big-ass sundae. Which, I'm just going to say this, has really nothing to do with cooking.
Giant sundae...seems foolproof right? WRONG! Look at how horribly and absurdly wrong this goes:
Ok, before I even get into Superman's crazy plan to stop an icicle from falling, let's talk about those ice cream flavours: Red, Yellow and Blueberry. Red and Yellow are not flavours.
And Superman...it just seems like you easily could have flown there and caught that icicle in the time it took you to warm up that plate using superfriction, and throw it across the city. That implies that objects you throw move faster than you can, and I just don't buy that.
Also, your solution just means that all of those people are going to get wet.
Superman has a complicated solution to every problem:
Clark Kent shows up at the diner the next day, but Lois is unimpressed. Jimmy has to stand while he eats:
Ok, are you ready for the reason why Superman needs to return to the diner? It isn't because he wants Lois to see him enjoying her food. That would be far too kind. It's because of this:
WHAT?! Wouldn't Clark Kent's fingerprints be on lots of things that Lois has access too? Like, things around the office? So here's Superman's crazy solution to a simple problem:
Would she notice, Superman? Would she? What about super speed? Can't you fly to the moon and back without people noticing?
This story does have a pretty adorable ending though:
Superman's little wink at the reader "I said 'I love you' because she helped a man in the hospital, not because I actually love her. That would be gross!"