Thursday, November 06, 2008

I can't say I wholeheartedly recommend Ultimatum.

And the award for most homoerotic panel in Ultimatum #1 goes to...

Man, what a terrible comic. Seriously. I know Jeph Loeb sucks at writing comics, but's like, I have read menus with more compelling stories. And they had better-constructed characters.

I did enjoy Dr. Doom's musical number, though:

I loved this promise at the end:

Oh, Jeph. It couldn't possibly.


Johnathan said...

Man, that Latveria song is a classic. I can't remember many of the words, but rhyming in "there's noplace better than hereia" was a stroke of genius.

dave howlett said...

I wanna start my day every day by throwing open the doors of my apartment building and yelling out "HALIFAX!"

But yes, what a turd. And seriously, Marvel...$3.99! What the hell! What's the extra dollar for? Oh right, the gouging.

Cap'n Perkins said...

Man, I was really hoping you would do a panel by panel break down of the horribleness.

I wish to bask in the glow of suck and giggle without remorse, but I refuse to buy crap. I'm torn really.

Kris Black said...

You'd think that Jeph wouldn't dare put in a script that the next issue gets worse with him being kicked off of Heroes and his last couple years of less that mediocre work.

too funny.

SallyP said...

I can only assume that "Latveria" is sung to the tune of "Oklahoma"?

I'm actually feeling quite smug in my decision to drop this. The higher price that Marvel is sneaking into so many of its books is an additional bit of skullduggery.

Or is that SKRULLduggery?


patricio lopez said...

Strike up the music the band has begun
The Latveria Polka.
Pick out your partner and join in the fun
The Latveria Polka.
It started in Doomstadt, it’s now No 1
It’s bound to entertain you
Everybody has a mania
To do the polka from Latveria

thefinn said...

Read it this morning while half asleep and bleary eyed. Decided that I needed more coffee because nothing there was making sense.

Two cups of coffee later, it was still trash. The dialogue was crap, the "action" anticlimactic and the whole thing reminds me of a bad episode of Heroes.

Mary Sue said...

Oh, Jeph. It couldn't possibly.

Do not challenge the man. DO. NOT. CHALLENGE. HIM.

By the by, I do start every day by throwing open the doors and shouting "PORTLAND!" Because, well, I *can*.

Crackwalker said...


I wanted to like this.

Me so saddy.

Pj Perez said...

And anyone wonders why he got fired from "Heroes."

Well, if we're lucky, the Ultimate universe is gonna implode anyway.

j. said...

Jeph got fired from Heroes??

Then...who's to blame for this current season of ick?


p.s. Hilarious post. Thank you for the morning guffaw.

p.s.s. Patricio Lopez - Awesome! Nuff said!

p.s.s.s. I always check the "word verification" for possible coincidences...I've got "bativari" which is almost BATVERIA. Batman's homeland is BATVERIA, is not it?

patricio lopez said...

J: It think it also works with "America" from West Side Story ;-)

I like to be in Lat-ve-ri-a
Okay by me in Lat-ve-ri-a
Everything free in Lat-ve-ri-a

Life can be bright in Latveria
If you can fight in Latveria
Life is all right in Latveria
If you're all chrome in Latveria

Doom should do a show ala Dr. Horrible.

Adam (Dollar Bin) said...

This is
the dawning of the age of Latveria
The age of Latveria

Johnathan said...

boy, it's really nice how the Fantastic Four are showing off their powers in that first picture.

And I'm learning things - I didn't know that Ultimate Sue Storm (or Richards, or whatever)'s power was "being a hot lady". Who knew that cosmic rays did boob jobs?

j. said...

If I may be so bold as to provide a possible variation on Patricio's fantastic suggestion:

Sung by Dr. Doom -
I like to be in Lat-ve-ri-a
Great to be me in Lat-ve-ri-a
Nobody's free in Lat-ve-ri-a

Life can be bright in Latveria
If you can fight in Latveria
Doom is at home in Latveria
The king is all chrome in Latveria

rachelle said...

Age of Latveria is what was going through my head when I read it, but these suggestions are fantastic!

"It's delightful
It's delicious
It's de-Latveria"

Captain Nice Guy said...

For some reason, the tune "Latveria" makes me think of Mel Brooks's "The Producers".

"In old...
...I'm talking OLD...

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Jessica Alba!

In oh so many ways.

Not that I would have a chance in hell with her, but what the hey.

Brian said...

I don't want to see the Wolverine movie, don't care who is directing Captain America or who might star in Thor.

All I want now from Marvel Films is DOOM! - The Musical!

Garnet said...

"Latveria, fuck yeah!"

Anonymous said...

I see you're not the only one who thought Doom was going to get a tad musical. This parody seemed to think of the same joke.

Anonymous said...

Re: Next It Gets Worse

"Oh, Jeph. It couldn't possibly."

I hope your crow sandwich is super tasty, since I think Ultimatum #2 is by far the suckier comic. Oh gods...

Though I confess that Ultimate Hulk could also be in the running. Seriously, how does Loeb still get work... ?!!?!