Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Rating the Super Hunks #13: Green Arrow

Time to rate another Super Hunk. It's been awhile. I thought it would be timely to rate the soon-to-be-married emerald archer,


Costume/Appearance: It's really hard to take Oliver Queen seriously. And I blame that 100% on the moustache and goatee. It's not a good look. For anyone. Unless you are someone's grandfather. Or a magician.

Trying to look past that, his costume is often pretty cool. I mean, the hat is a bit much, but he kinda works it. It adds a bit of playfulness, which is nice. I've been really liking the recent costume, with the hood. The whole look is less Robin Hood. Definitely more attractive than the laced-up turtleneck.

I mean, obviously there is still the facial hair problem. But it's an improvement.

But now let's talk about Silver Age Green Arrow. Now there was an attractive fellow! I don't know why you would every stray from this rugged and attractive look:

Clean cut. Simple suit with nice lines. Big red gloves. Matching child. That's just a sharp look. I have quite a crush on Silver Age Green Arrow.

Lately we've been treated to a new version of young Oliver in Green Arrow: Year One. I think this is an Oliver that we can all agree on:

So basically, Oliver is going to lose a bunch of points here for facial hair alone. Five minutes with a razor would earn him many points, but he insists on keeping this crazy look. Too bad, Ollie.


Personality: I've always liked Green Arrow because he cracks wise and drinks beer and flirts a lot and generally has a good time. He's a bleeding heart liberal and loves his city so much he successfully ran for mayor.

HOWEVER...he doesn't have a good track record with relationships. At all. Be it sons, sidekicks, lovers or friends. He cheats, he's afraid of commitment, and he's generally selfish and hot headed.

In the friendship pairing of Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan, Oliver is the reckless one. Consider that.

He's gotten better recently, but only very recently. I will take his improvement into consideration, since Dinah was able to forgive him his sins and accept his wedding proposal.

Plus, there is no denying that Oliver is one of the most macho super heroes. He's a guy's guy, and that's appealing.


Day Job: He's a billionaire. And until recently he was the mayor of Star City. No complaints there.


Sexiness of Powers: No powers, which always gains favour with me. Oliver is self-trained and awesome.

He can shoot an arrow at anything from anywhere. Plus, he makes all his own high-tech arrows. It's impressive.

Green Arrow is pretty kick-ass. I think every hero is pretty impressed by him. Even Batman.


Cons: Well, there is the aforementioned commitment-phobia and general asshattery. Plus he's pretty whiny with all the anti-corporate talk. I'm not saying he's wrong, I'm just saying give it a rest sometimes. And he maybe lacks some of the ambition that the other heroes have:

I think if I were in the JLA, and I arrived in the Watchtower and Green Arrow was there, I'd be like "Oh hey, Oliver, what's up? That's cool...listen, is anyone else here?" He's just a little annoying. And arrogant.

- 4

Final Score: 29/40

Well, that's respectable. I don't think anyone would name Oliver Queen as the sexiest super hero. Unless we're talking about the Smallville version. Because...damn.


Ben said...

You know, many people think that Ollie's style of facial hair is quite attractive and awesome. I'm just saying . . .

Skeleton Munroe said...

"Big red gloves. Matching child."

That's pretty funny.

I'm also in favour of the beard, but mostly because it's such an unusual feature on a superhero face. Nowadays it's all about the ratty hipster goatee or the soul patch or whatever. Nobody's rocking the crazy stylized facial hair. Points for originality, Ollie!

Caleb said...

I'm conflicted about the sexiness of Ollie's beard. Like, yeah, it's stupid-looking, but is it sexy to wear to confidently, obstinently wear a look that every single person in the whole world thinks looks stupid (except for Deathstroke, Warlord and Uncle Sam) and still kind of make it work for yourself?

Anonymous said...

I would kill for that moustache (I already have that beard). I've been I've been trying to curl mine for years with no success.

Nate said...

/goes into bathroom and immediately shaves goatee

Dang! Your right! I got three dates just on the way back to the couch.

Anonymous said...

I always though that GA's biggest problem would be hiding his secret identity.

A pair of glasses isn't going to be able to disguise the fact that he's got very distinctive facial hair...hair that begs to be twirled in fiendish glee.

BradyDale said...

Re: Goatee and mustache

OK, granted, goatees are the province of pent-up guys who want to look sort of loose and so they grow a little goatee because it's the "safe tough guy" look, which accomplishes precisely the opposite, but they never know that.

Goatees suck, that's what I'm saying.

But in Ollie's case,
come on now.
He's Robin Hood, you know? It's the Errol Flynn thing.
It's like saying Dali should lose the handlebars, you know?

A few guys in the Universe get a pass on bad taste and ugly facial hair. Ollie has one such pass.

P.S. to all the not-tough-guys-who-want-a-tough-look out there, heads up: shoulder tattoos (especially the ones that go all the way around your bicep) are the new goatee. fyi.

BradyDale said...

Speaking of Smallville, have you seen the Aquaman pilot? I found it on AOL TV. I thought it was pretty good, if a little ridiculous in several ways. Maybe I just liked all the girls in bikinis. That might have been it.
Anyway, I mention it because the guy who played Green Arrow played Aquaman in that. So he doesn't have a shirt on a lot, justsoyouknow.

SallyP said...

Oh gosh, what to say about Ollie? Firstly, I love Oliver, he's an idiot, but goshdarnit, he's a damned entertaining idiot. The beard and mustache are of course, quite ridiculous, and yet somehow he manages to carry it off.

I agree about the hood, it was a bit sexier than the silly little hat. On the other hand, I happen to like hats, and not too many heroes wear hats anymore, other than the Phantom Stranger.

It's true that Ollie is actually crazier than Hal! And they HAVE to stop giving each other dating tips, because it isn't working for either of them. Also, Ollie should stop calling people that he disagrees with, Nazis. It is just a bit of an overstatement. Just sayin'.

He's conceited,arrogant, far too flirtatious, self-centered, loud, occasionally obnoxious, self-righteous and a bit of a boor. On the other hand, at least he HAS a personality!

Oh, and the guy who played him on Smallville? Rowrrrr!

The Mutt said...

I grew a goatee and mustache as soon as I was able to. Why? Errol Flynn! I've been wearing this look since the 70's. Now everybody wears it. I was a trend-setter, dammit!

GA's original costume is just horrible. The Neal Adams look is best.

ZombieDiplomat said...

Ollie is rocking the facial hair because not everyone can afford Gillette Fusion AND HE MUST SYMPATHIZE WITH THE PROLETARIAT!!

Anyway it was a pretty fair score for Ollie. He's awesome but he can be such a dick.

Will we ever see Starman or Elongated Man be rated?

rachelle said...

Here's what I think: I think that most men find facial hair far more attractive than most women do. Men like the look of themselves with a beard and/or moustache. This is why, as soon as they aren't working on a film, EVERY actor lets their hair go crazy. Oliver Queen probably thinks he looks fantastic. Oliver Queen is wrong.

I mean, have a curly moustache and goatee if you want. I'm just saying, don't be surprised if women aren't all "Oooo...look at that guy with the curly facial hair."

Like, I could paint a Paul Stanley star over my eye everyday and be very happy with my appearance, but I have to understand that there may be social and romantic losses.

Anonymous said...

"This is why, as soon as they aren't working on a film, EVERY actor lets their hair go crazy."

I always figured actors did that so they wouldn't have to wear an ugly wig if the character designer for their next movie decided they need to wear long hair.

As for Ollie, he's surprisingly sentimental. Sure, he's a bleeding heart, but this is the one guy who gets all teary-eyed and choked up more than Superman.

Jim said...

Nah - I think the KISS star would be awesome...

Anonymous said...

I've always thought of him being superfly pimpin, i mean really, is there a bodycount of women in his life? yes. Is there a list of ladies who would chase him around? yes.
Has he flirted and almost wooed most of the women in the DC universe? yes...

The man is pimpin lol.
Also, regarding his emotions; GA has always been one who charges head first without really assessing what the deal. His emotions are his strength and the only reason he actually maintains hero status.

Did i mention he's pimpin?

Anonymous said...

On that note, I think I woulda gave him a little higher score. like a 33 ish.

Anonymous said...

I have moustache and beard. I dont tend to `style' them, although I have for gigs and parties. My wife says she likes the beard sometimes and likes the cleanshaven look sometimes and enjoys being married to someone who can look quite different from week to week. So I am lucky. In anycase Im sure some women like the style facial hair look. i dont know who. We should try and find out.

In any case, from a purely comic book perspective its great to have at elast one character instantly recognisable to the (familier) reader no matter who's drawing him (to a point) or what clothes he's wearing (to a point). I mean you wouldnt go mistaking Ollie for someone else, unlike Bruce/Clark for instance. Oh, except for Warlord of course. Damn.

Anonymous said...

I love Ollie's facial hair, myself. I think he wears it well. If Clark or Bruce tried to pull it off, they'd just look like douchebags, but Ollie rocks it. And he rocks it hard. Plus, he can twirl it in his fingers diabolically. And THAT's hot.

Aubrey Longley-Cook said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aubrey Longley-Cook said...

The Golden Mustache of Oliver Queen.

Viagra said...

I've always seen Green Arrow as a superhero version of Robin Hood, specially due to the costume, but the character i pretty cool in itself. And the mustache and goatee i like a lot makes him a more serious character

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DC wanted to do something similar to Batman but with less restriction and it didn't work.

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Actually the green arrow looks like my grandfather hahaha seriously.