Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Destroying Music...The Marvel Way!

If you need a Valentine's Day gift idea, might I suggest having your loved one's name inserted into a terrible song about Marvel heroes? Or perhaps...a whole CD of Marvel-based songs?

A multitude of delightful phoned-in songs that are vaguely creepy and factually incorrect. But you don't have to take my word for it...

Please click on this link and listen to the song samples. All of them. You won't regret it.

I would especially recommend the Wolverine Rap. The trilogy of Superwish, Fly With Me and Show and Tell is also incredible.

I would love to give this gift to a friend with a five-syllable name. See them work that in there.

Wouldn't this be awesome if they had Stan Lee record your kids name, and his crazy voice interrupted every song several times? "Let's set a trap for Doctor Octopus AARON."

And I thought Spider-Man Rocks! was lame.

All I'm saying is...DC doesn't do this shit.


Kevin Church said...

I love you for this.

But you knew that already.

sean witzke said...

also, "NEXTWAVE! (guitar solo)".

Jeff said...

And...you just did my Christmas shopping for me. For everybody I know.

It's bad that I'm making up foul and inappropriate lyrics for these song samples, right?

Rob H. said...

Marvel's kid stuff always kind of irks me because it reminds me of how Superheros are marketed for kids while the comics themselves are mostly written for teens and adults. On that cover alone, you've got at least two certified psychopaths (one being a paid assassin), one person with serious emotional issues, an alchoholic and a currently SHIELD's most-wanted terrorist or two.

wrath said...

brain hurt,
must go dose with beer

The Mutt said...

Fought the Nazis, lost an eye,
Now I'm a freakin' super-spy,
Got a flyin' car, Aaron!
And a big cigar, Aaron!
Aaron's Jewish? Mazel Tov!
I was played by Hasselhoff!

rachelle said...

Please don't kick me, Aaron/
When you kick me, I get angry, Aaron/
And you, Aaron, wouldn't like me when I'm angry/
Oh God, Aaron, run away! Don't look at me! Aaron!/
I will destroy you, Aaron!

Followed by the jaunty sequel, Where Will We Bury the Scattered Pieces of Aaron?

steffijohns said...

haaa haaa. oh holy eff. that was incredible. i love how they just have to work aaron's name in there at any cost. it just ends up sounding like aaron is losing interest or something and they have to call his name to bring him back. "your superhero friends... aaron. your superhero friends."

rachelle said...

Aaron is going to be totally gay for Spider-Man by the time he's done listening to this cd.

Jeff said...

There's actually a secret track at the end, called, "Mommy's credit card has sixteen numbers, AARON. Tell Spidey the number...AARON."

Adam Barnett said...

wowza! Am I the only one that thought this sounded like a pedophile trying to lure a kid into checking out his comic collection?

Blix said...

This reminds me of the end of Best In Show, where Cookie and Gerald Fleck are in a studio recording contrived songs about Corgis.

I've decided to order a copy for a DJ friend to inflict on closing-time crowds. He has an unpronounceable multi-syllabic Indian name. I wonder how they'll handle it....

Anonymous said...

Oh, God. The creepieness cannot be quantified.

"Spiderman was sitting on your bed with you/You gave a shout: "This is my lucky day!"/Spiderman came here to play"

And the wolverine rap! And working in the name wherever there was the slightest pause in the music.

Trained in Japan/More wolf than man/Has claws for hands/He's an X-Man/He's Wolverine (Aaron!)/He's Wolverine (Aaron!)

paperghost said...

I just about collapsed and died when I heard the Spiderman song.

I'm currently building a sculpture in your honour in the back garden, for your services in the field of making me LOL like there's no tomorrow.

Yama the Space Fish said...

Or you could just name your kid Avalyn. Everyone likes shoegaze. Unless they're spootyheads.