Sunday, February 04, 2007

World's Grossest Detective

I have a hard time reading Elongated Man comics because every couple of panels or so I see something that makes me want to throw up.

Also, Elongated Man, just because you can stretch, doesn't mean that's always the right solution.

Here he is hiding out underwater and spying on a nearby boat. He STRETCHES his EYES above the water and kind of INFLATES THEM and oh god I'm going to be sick...

Grossssss! The pupils protruding a little! And, seriously, that is a lot more noticeable to the dude you're spying on than just, say, sticking your head above the water. And I guess his eyes are invulnerable to salt water. Ow.

He loves this trick. Here it is again:

But how can he breathe underwater? By stretching his nose above the waves, of course. Disgusting!

Then he lends an ear:

Ok. They are TOTALLY going to see that ear. And throw up.

He's also gross on land. Check this move out:

Noose Nose! No! He just lassoed that guy with his NOSE and then reeled him in by tugging on his NOSE. Then in that last panel you can see his nose slithering limply on the ground. Oh, why did I eat turkey bacon this morning? The GLOOOP sound coming out of the crook doesn't help.

I have to wrap this up because I am positively green now, but I'll leave you with this puzzling elongated forehead move:

That guy who is crumpled on the ground behind the stretchy sleuth is an embodiment of how I feel right now. Owooo. And yeah, Elongated Man is sneezing as he does this. So I guess that guy is just lucky that he's not lassoing him with his nose. Because Elongated Man would do that. Because he is disgusting.

17 comments:

matt said...

Also, his stretched appendages seem to have the ability to form rational thoughts on his behalf. At least according to the disembodied thought bubbles.

Anonymous said...

i can't believe you just left "here's where i cock an ear" alone.

colour me disappointed.

-steph

Jon Hex said...

Maybe he stretched his brain to make extra thoughts.

And considering the things he could stretch to catch people, at the same time making a terrible pun, I'm relieved he only uses his head features. I shudder to think about being surrounded by a 'nip whip' or hit with a 'tush push'.

rachelle said...

Funny you should say 'tush push,' jon hex. Just wait for my next post...

Ted said...

What did Sue ever see in him?

Be honest, he was better back then than he was with the beard and the moping.

Wasn't he?

Jon Hex said...

Now I'm creeped out.

Anonymous said...

what did sue ever see in him?

dude. think about it.

-steph

Ziga Sparovec said...

What artst drew these?

Rob H. said...

"I shudder to think about being surrounded by a 'nip whip' or hit with a 'tush push'."

COCK BLOCK!

rachelle said...

Ziga-

The first five panels are from The Ship That Sank Twice! in Detective Comics #364, written by Gardner Fox and drawn by Irv Novick.

The Nose Noose panel comes from The Faker-Takers of the Baker's Dozen! in Detective Comics #357, written by Gardner Fox and drawn by Sid Greene.

The forehead panel comes from The Crooks Who Captured Themselves! in Detective Comics #365, written by Gardner Fox and drawn by Sid Greene.

Benito said...

I've been putting off getting the Elongated Man Showcase. I think I will stop putting it off, because I just saw a guy get hit with another guy's forehead from several yards away.

This does not happen in modern comics.

rachelle said...

Then perhaps the time is right for me to pitch my idea for a new comic book: Captain Forehead and Migraine Squad.

Benito said...

Just point me toward the cash register.

SallyP said...

I can't help it, I just LOVE Ralph. This is so completely and wonderfully twisted. You don't see Reed Richards lassoing people with his nose!

Adam Barnett said...

What Sallyp said. Plastic Man and Ralph had it all over Reed Richards.

rachelle said...

Oh no doubt. I have big love for Ralph, and I am confident that he will get his groove back by the end of 52. And shave.

buttler said...

don't mess with silver age elongated man. he'll teabag you from three blocks away.