Monday, April 30, 2007

Free Comic Book Day Previews #1

This is sort of embarrassing to admit, but I had a really hard time following the Free Comic Book Day Little Archie comic.
It's like, the Little Archie gang (plus some kid named Billy Wong who I've never heard of) are at camp and Mr Weatherbee is the camp director. Fine. I'm with you so far. And they do some boating and then there is a golden owl, and some magic elves, and a tunnel of love, and seriously I have no idea. All the while the male counselor (Betty's older brother(?!) whose name is, wait for it...Chic) and the female counselor do some inappropriate flirting in front of the children. And there's a weird map.

See if you can make heads or tails of this page:

No? Me neither. And, no, reading the rest of the story does not help.

And what the hell does this mean?!


The most bizarre thing about this comic is actually on the Fan Art page at the end. Look at this:

In particular, look at the artists' names.

Weirded out.

Not a very good comic. Plus, it's full of lies like this one:

No, Reggie. They don't.

Moving on, let's check out another supposed all-ages comic.

This reprints two Floyd Gottfredson Mickey Mouse stories from 1936. From these stories I learned that Mickey Mouse is kind of awesome.

He's totally badass:

Oh can he ever! Check it out!!

Yeah! Now watch him go Midnighter on the guy:

"Ya like that, Big Boy?! Huh, bitch? I can't hear you over the sound of your skull cracking! What's that? You're going to be sick? Not on my shoes, bitch."

Mickey can't be tied down like that, dawg.

He's kind of a dick:

He's post-modern:

And has a great, dry wit:

Ha! Go to Hell, Goofy!

And, also, there's this panel:

Thumbs up to the Mickey Mouse comic. Thumbs down to Little Archie. I'm just trying to make it a little easier for you guys on Saturday when you're elbowing kids in the face for your free comics. Expect Free Comic previews all week.


Jason said...

For some reason, when Chic mentioned the golden owl, "The End" by the Doors just started playing in my head. These people are obviously tripping.

And poor Kimberly; when she finally realizes what all the other girls already know about our pal Chic, it's going to break her heart.

Johnathan said...

I sure wish that Mickey Mouse had stayed badass down through the years...

"Ay! little girl! Have a magical fuckin' Disneyworld day. What, you cryin' now? Dizzy dame. What's that, mister? Aw, Space Mountain's thataway, ya big palooka."

"Fuckin' mook."

rachelle said...

Maybe you have to lick the pages of the Little Archie comic to understand it.

There was another awesome panel from the Mickey Mouse comic that I didn't post where Mickey says that any dame desperate enough to marry the first guy that rescues her isn't worth marrying anyway.

I love that mouse.

toonsNtunes said...

ok... i never would have picked up mickey mouse (even if it was free) but I am SOOO getting it now. And the part where you said "no Reggie, they're not" I swear... almost peed myself.

May i borrow your wrestling picture from the mickey mouse comic?

Awesome post, as usual!

SallyP said...

Aaaww, free kid's comics. No need for any semblance of a plot, at least in the case of the Archie one apparently. The Mickey Mouse one does seem to have its moments however.

FoldedSoup said...

I am definately picking up that Mickey Mouse comic just based on the look on that guy watching the wrestling match. He's quite excited!

Thanks for the heads-up!

alienvoord said...

I don't see how it's inappropriate. I'd need to understand what the heck it is about before I can decide if it's inappropriate.

Caleb said...

Ha, that Mickey Mouse dialogue is awesome, particularly if you hear his little high-pitched effeminate voice in your head.

Nice of that dude to lean down so Mickey can reach his jaw to sock it too...

Viagra said...

I never thought I would say this, but Mickey is a good fighter. He really showed that mice are in it for the action. Am not going to see him with same eyes.