Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Rating the Super Hunks #10: Cyclops

Time to rate another super hunk. I'm shopping in the Marvel universe this week and have chosen the fearless, somewhat weinerish leader of the X-Men...

Cyclops, aka Scott Summers

Costume/Appearance: The question that we have to ask ourselves when rating Cyclops' costume is: which one? This guy has worn a lot of costumes over the years, rivaling even the number of women that he's bedded.

I think we'll dismiss the original costume for the sake of rating his hunkiness, because it was a standard issue X-Men uniform that he shared with his teammates. I'm also ignoring Ultimate Cyclops, because that's just how I roll. When I was a kid I thought the very bright blue and yellow 90s suit was very cool. Though, now that I am older and it is no longer the nineties. I think the straps all over his chest and shoulders are pretty ugly.

It was similar to the eighties suit, but didn't have the swashbuckling boots that I find so silly-looking. Basically I like the boots and hair-revealing of the nineties, plus the simplicity of the eighties. If we could combine all that, we'd have a nice costume.

The Morrison run on New X-Men had him in a pretty stylish leather get-up, with a big yellow X on the jacket.

And in the new Astonishing X-Men series, he's lookin' superfly in his mostly black skin-tight wetsuit thing:
Except I don't approve of the skullcap. I like hair being tossed around in battle.

The consistent factor here is the red visor, which is very cool. Always. Also cool: when not in costume, Scott always has to wear stylish red sunglasses. Or the visor. Either way: cool.

Scott generally is, and always has been, a very attractive man. I've especially enjoyed him lately in Astonishing with his constant stubble. It shows that he's loosening up a bit. Or going crazy. Either way, it looks good.

Unfortunately for Scott, he is usually standing next to an X-Men teammate who is a little dreamier than himself (Angel, Colossus...some would argue Wolverine. I wouldn't).

He's got your basic, rugged, all-American good looks. And a nice messy hairdo.


The thing about Cyclops is that he has grown on me as I have aged. When I was young, Cyclops was always the lame X-Man. And he was supposed to be. He's like Leonardo: the stick-in-the-mud, responsible leader type who frowns on everyone else's fun. He has almost no personality. But as an adult I now have a growing respect for Scott Summers. He really did have to lead team after team of annoying weirdos.

But it's not like he did it without complaining. Dude is emo to the max. To the point that, even though he certainly will sleep with you, you're better off not doing it because you're just going to feel like you're taking advantage. He is perpetually on the re-bound for a woman who is perpetually turning into the Phoenix and dying.

But the dude gets around. He's your classic can't-ever-be-alone-for-one-second guy, jumping from one relationship to the next and falling deeply in love until he sees another girl.

Is any of this sexy? Not really. Add to it the fact that there is kind of an ominous borderline psychoticness that I feel lurks just below Scott's deceivingly dull surface, and you're looking at a guy who is getting points deducted.


Day Job: He's currently the headmaster of the Xavier Academy, along with being the leader of the X-Men. Aside from this, he is also an expert pilot, which is always sexy.


Sexiness of Powers:
There is nothing particularly sexy about having uncontrollable deadly blasts shoot out of your eyes. But it does look cool.

The main reason why Cyclops' power isn't sexy is because he loathes it so much. Superpowers are only sexy if you enjoy them.



Cons: Beyond the already mentioned facts that Scott is kinda boring, very needy, very emo, and perhaps more than a little crazy, Scott doesn't have too many glaring flaws. He's a good leader who is usually respected by his teammates. Even the ones he doesn't sleep with. I'm still deleting points for all of the above, though.

- 4

Final Score: 25/40

Sorry, Scott. I tried to defend you, but you have so many glaring faults it's difficult. There's no shame in 25. It's a passing grade.


Jon Hex said...

You gave Cyclops a fair shot, so I have to give you props. I give no rating because a) I'm a dude and b) DUDE. Though if you can make your way to rating Havok, who is my favorite X-Man, I would read about it.

Caleb said...

Now Gambit!

rachelle said...

I'm actually pretty surprised at how well Cyclops scored here. I mean, he BEAT Captain America. That doesn't sound right.

I think I went a little easy on him because I felt sorry for him. Which is exactly how he gets laid all the time.

Tiina said...

Judging from that one panel, I think Scott Summers may be a Nevernude!

Skeleton Munroe said...

His last two costumes are pretty nice - I think that Scott's getting fashion advice.

FoldedSoup said...

I was about to ask why you thought to rate Cyclops as a possible hunk.. but you just answered me.

He does kinda radiate a "poor me!" aura, doesn't he?

Anonymous said...

Rochelle said:
"Add to it the fact that there is kind of an ominous borderline psychoticness that I feel lurks just below Scott's deceivingly dull surface, and you're looking at a guy who is getting points deducted."

This from the girl who went ga-ga for Midnighter? Madness.

--mejgshp, first mate on the Shi'ar frigate Birdboat

Adam Barnett said...

I couldn't stand the black suit.... it made my Costume Hall of Shame on Comics Make No Sense.

SallyP said...

Scott? Meh. He's never really done much for me, although I must admit to liking his portrayal by Cassaday and Joss Wheadon in Astonishing,where he actually has a personality.

I don't really like the way that he treats his girlfriends. Jean dies, he gets together with Lee, then dumps her when Jean's back. Jean dies again, and he's all over Madeline Pryor. He marries Madeline, and then dumps her when Jean comes back. He marries Jean, and then is busy snogging Emma while STANDING OVER HER GRAVE! If I were Emma, I'd be running as fast as I could.

rachelle said...

I think that the fact that Scott rated so high shows that there is a flaw in my seemingly foolproof rating system. I must go back to the drawing board.

mejgshp - the difference between Midnighter or Batman, and Cyclops, is that their insanity has already bubbled to the surface, so I have become comfortable with it. I am much more frightened of what Scott may be thinking.

The black suit (Astonishing) would have been a LOT better if there had been no headpiece at all. There is really no need for it.

Shirtless Superheroes said...

Cyclops was my first ever superhero crush!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous poster here.

Cyclops was the character that got me into comic books, and super heroes. I know that may sound weird, but when I was a child, he was my role model. It started with the X-Men arcade game. I just thought his power was freaking awesome. Probably in no small part due to red being my favorite color. I remember finding a pair of red lensed sunglasses at a gas station when I was like seven, and wearing them pretty much daily after that until I was around ten.

I've never found him dull, I've seen him as an over-achiever. His "emo-ness" comes from the fact that he was the kid no one wanted at the orphanage. He wasn't as cute as his younger brother, and the kids didn't want to play with him. He became an over-achieving boyscout to try to please Xavier, the first person to really give a crap about him.

I do wonder what it is about his mind that so arouses psychics though. Have you noticed that? Jean, Psylocke, Emma.

As to the person who commented on Scott kissing Emma over Jean's gave, let's not forget that she supposedly sent him back a message basically ordering him to do it -though I still hold to my theory that it was actually Emma using her powers on him, and he was being controlled throughout the entire relationship.

Viagra said...

Rather than the silly and useless Cyclops Wolverine would have been a better idea. I honestly don't get why Cyclops is the leader, take off his glasses and his done.

viagra online said...

Indeed this guy bore everyone to death!