Saturday, June 09, 2007

And Now The Moondancers!

I've been known to complain about the current Superman/Batman series, because it is so crappy. But sometimes you just gotta pull out an old issue of World's Finest to remind yourself that it wasn't all solid gold either.

This issue is many things, but mainly:

a) Melodramatic
b) Ridiculous
c) Romantic

It takes place during that angst-ridden time when Batman and Superman broke up and Batman formed the Outsiders with his new loser friends ("I don't need you, Superman! I've got...Geo-Force! And Halo!").

Alright, so in fair Cape Canaveral, where we lay we scene, our star-crossed lovers are sad:

Superman is thinking that, though he isn't too fond of Batman of late, he doesn't really want him to die. It's really beautiful:

And why is Batman dying? Cause of these bitches:

Who wants to be the Moondancers for Halloween with me?! I call Harvest Moon! (And, for the record, the lone black Moondancer is called 'New Moon,' but her powers are ice-based because she represents the dark side of the moon. For real).

These ladies spray Batman with some weird moon virus.

And help they (Nasa scientists/the army) get, in the form of Batman's ex-best friend, Superman. Awk-ward.

But Superman sees Batman's lifeless body and rises above their petty differences with this bit of angst-ridden soul-searching:
God, I could look at that panel of them having coffee together all day.

Anyway, in the few hours or so that Batman is sick, Gotham City goes to hell. Even more so.

Wow. That...that's a real mess you got there, Gotham. This is what Bruce Wayne would see if he ever did the It's A Wonderful Life thing with his guardian angel.

So, as you can imagine, Commissioner Gordon is also missing Batman, and hoping for his speedy recovery. It's touching:

This is why Gotham is a hopeless mess. It's police officers get distracted by shooting stars. "And look down there, Commissioner! A tank is busting through a bank wall and over some police cruisers!"

Meanwhile, Superman is flying around space looking for a cure for Batman's alien virus. He finds one in a comet somehow. It's not important. He rushes back to Earth with it, and then whips together this little contraption:

What does it do? I don't know. But get ready for a fantastic panel of Superman watching...and waiting!

"Come on...come on! Go, respiration, go!"

Guess what? It works. And it makes for an uncomfortable, and adorable, reunion:

Superman flies off to do stuff so Batman can sleep. But he leaves him unattended, and guess who strolls in:

You suck, Superman.

Superman's living it up in Gotham, putting the fear of God back into the hearts of criminals. One thing he does is disconnect the fuse of a bomb some crooks are using to blow up a bank vault. It's awesome:

And then he chills with Gordon for a second, who still doesn't seem to be doing much about the whole explosion of crime that is tearing his city apart:

I think he may just have said to hell with it and hit the bottle. "Thanks, shooting star! I'll keep the faith!"

Alright, so Superman decides to maybe check in on his sick pal, who happens to have been knocked unconscious by the Moondancers.

"We've got to find them, and fast! But first I have to go back and get my gloves!"

As it turns out, the Moondancers are anti-nuclear activists who feel that their means justifies their end. But who really cares? Let's watch Superman and Batman kick their asses:

Er, well. Just Batman, then.

That's about all you need to see of that story. Except maybe these panels of Batman climbing and straddling a giant phallus:


The Moondancers made a final appearance in Grant Morrison's Animal Man #25 in that comic book limbo place for forgotten characters:

Good riddance.


Jon Hex said...

So, if I understand this correctly, Batman keeps criminals from getting tanks into Gotham City.

paperghost said...

This is camper than christmas. And bruce wayne actually has a jumper with a batman logo on it? Also, hahaha etc.

Johnathan said...

I think that's the Bat-suit, sans cowl and gloves.

Which means that Batman's been secretly walking around being lame for *years* and we had no idea.

SallyP said...

Sheesh. Bats takes one night off, and the whole bloody place goes to hell. The criminals keep a tank around JUST IN CASE? Gordon sits in his office and moons around? (heh)

But it's all ok, because Superman and Batman can gaze lovingly into one anothers eyes.

John Foley said...

Man I actually have that issue with that Moondancers. I thought it was just a bad dream.
Hey, laugh all you want about Geo-Force, we're only a couple months away from Meltzer writing a story where Batman muses "Geo-Force might be our most powerful member, and he doesn't even realize it!"
You know it's coming.

BradyGirl said...

True love in sickness or in health! ;)

Anonymous said...

What's the date on this issue? Because I'm getting a powerful Disco vibe from the Moondancers.

And that crazy Crime Tank looks like World War I surplus -- is Batman Gotham's last defense against the sleeping army of the Kaiser's fanatical minions?

FoldedSoup said...

Bats is totally faking it. Needed a night out, had to pass off the energy sphere, wanted to verify Superman's love for him ... who can guess Batman's ulterior motives.

But I have the feeling he got what he set out to do. Whatever that was.

Rob S. said...

It wasn't all solid gold? There's no villain group more "Solid Gold" than the Moondancers! Call Marilyn McCoo!

rachelle said...

Batman paid those girls to be the Moondancers so he could have the night off. He just needed some sleep.

Actually, that's more of a Superman plan. It's a very complicated solution to a very simple problem.

This comic is from 1983 and it's written by LB Kellog and David Anthony Kraft. It took two people to write this!

The Frumious Bandersnatch said...

Why didn't the police lasers do anything??