Bob Haney Rules Week: Closing Ceremonies

It is with a heavy heart that I write this, the final post in Bob Haney Rules Week.

I just read Brave and the Bold #138.

The world's two greatest escape artists? Awesome!

Batman talks a lot like Dean Martin in this book:



And he wears an extra-long cape, it seems.

The best thing about this story, though, is that it leads to this:

If I were the bad guy I would have taken an extra minute to remove Batman's belt as well. Anyway, this is all very awkward and embarrassing for Mr Miracle. He's not happy:

I love that. Batman's all, "Now just relax, Scott. What's your hurry? Let's try to make the most of a bad situation here..."

Actually, Batman is basically useless throughout this entire story. He's lucky he has Mr Miracle along.

Mr Miracle busts out of that net, without clothing, and yells an awesome threat at the villain. And Batman...sits and swings like a market cheese.

Well, he did offer this piece of expert detective work:

And that, my friends, is why he's the World's Greatest Detective.

(And, really, who doesn't engrave their name on their pickaxe?).

You shut your mouth, Batman! This is a Haney comic and it can and WILL work! Be gone with your scientific reasoning and pesky facts! There is no room for them here in Haneytown! I'll not have you spoiling my fun!

Alright. So there you have it. Bob Haney rules. I'm not saying that I forgive him for the Super Sons, but...well, maybe that is what I'm saying. Here's a bonus panel from the Saga of the Super Sons that I left out of my post about them:

Bruce Wayne: father of the year.

A Bob Haney Milestone!

The penultimate Bob Haney Rules Week post.

I just picked up the 150th issue of Brave and the Bold, which also happened to be Bob Haney's 117th issue of the same series. And don't you dare suggest that after 117 B&B stories, Haney may have run out of ideas, because that just isn't true! In fact he gives us one of his most entertaining stories ever in this issue. It's completely bonkers.

Basically, Bruce Wayne is kidnapped by some terrorists. He is guarded by a giant thug named Keeper Karns.

I'm going to let you in on a secret. Keeper Karns is Superman in disguise. I'm sorry to ruin it for you, but it makes these panels way more entertaining. It's evident that Superman is enjoying playing the role of Bruce's prison guard a little too much. Perhaps he's getting out some pent-up frustration. At any rate, it's a good act because Bruce doesn't suspect a thing.

Ok, remember: the big guy in the green coat is really Superman.


He's really throwing himself into that role, eh?

The reason why Superman is involved in all this: the terrorists also have Jimmy Olsen, and have said that if they see Superman in the skies over Gotham, they will kill him. So obviously Superman had no choice but to dress like this Keeper Karns fellow and kick the holy hell out of Bruce Wayne for an evening.

The really entertaining thing is that Bruce escapes from and returns to where he's being held prisoner a couple of times during the night. And each time he gets his ass handed to him by Keeper "Superman" Karns. Then Bruce, being the detective that he is, starts to notice Karns's powers.

Getting warmer, Bruce.

What crook indeed? Wait a minute...Superman doesn't fit that bill either! That sounds more like Martian Manhunter! Superman doesn't go through walls!

Meh. Anyway, Bruce FINALLY figures it out and, being the professional that he is, subtly lets his pal know while they fight off the terrorists:

Dude! Shut up! Superman did not go to all this trouble just to have you yelling his secret from the rooftops, dumbass. Or does he have to tie you up and beat you again?

The whole thing is pretty bizarre, and I'm not convinced that it's not all an elaborate prisoner/guard role-playing sex game that Bruce set up. Billionaires do weird stuff like that, right?

Dear DC....

Dear DC,

PLEASE make this into a poster and sell it so I can buy one and frame it and look at it all the time.
Do it!!!

- Rachelle

Bob Haney: Black and White

Bob Haney Rules Week rages on! Now in fabulous black and white!

It's nice to see Batman enjoy himself from time to time. But I think he might have hit the bottle a little hard before heading out on patrol this night:

He's making a Spider-Man reference! My brain just exploded.

Aww, look at him, bouncing around for no reason. Talking like a twelve-year-old. Remember when Batman used to smile?

Like, really smile. To the point where it was very creepy?

Do you think that's true? Do you believe that that moment remains Batman's most cherished honour? I think he's lying through his giant, creepy teeth.

I don't mean to get distracted by the artwork when the focus is supposed to be on Haney's zany writing. The creepy smiling is awesome, but really couldn't even happen if the storyline didn't make Batman the guest of honour at a Chinese New Year party. (Why? Because it's "The Year of the Bat." Uhhhh...sure. Why not?).

This Week's Haul: Batman + Me Forever

Nothing cures a hangover like a big pile of shiny new comic books.

This week's post is inspired by some background graffiti in Wonder Woman. Someone awesome clearly wrote it:


We'll get to more Batman later, but first...

Superman Confidential #4

I can't help it. Everytime I think of this comic that High School Confidential song runs through my head.

I really like this series. There is no question that it is being overshadowed by All-Star Superman, and that's too bad. The line-up here is pretty damn all-star as well. And the comic is a delightful throw-back to funner times, while also giving us a story we haven't heard before. And I don't know about all y'all, but I am more than happy to have two quality year-one-ish Superman books on the go. It's not redundant. It's just awesome. It's the Scottie Pippin of comics. The Mark Messier. Totally great, but sadly standing next to someone just a little bit greater.

This was my favourite issue of the series so far. Jimmy is well-used, Superman continues to be adorable, and this is the greatest panel ever:

I love it.

Wonder Woman #6

Lookin' good this week, WW! Also...this comic was fun! Like, actually about what I wanted this series to be about: Wonder Woman trying to fit in with humanity. That's good stuff! There were lots of little jokes that made me smile, in particular Diana trying to figure out how the subway ticket machine worked. And having no idea how much gas costs. Also, finding that her action figures were selling at 75% off because no one cares about her. The layers, people!

Two comics down, both were fun. Let's check the next one:

Catwoman #65

Another awesome cover.

And the comic inside? Fun! I've been loving Catwoman's recent Metropolis-based storyline. That doesn't mean I haven't been reading each issue and crying, Milhouse-style, "When is she gonna run into Superman?!" Well, she finally does in this issue. And he's a jackass. And it's funny. Also, there is a Lex-bot, a time machine that can only send you four minutes into the past, some petty theft, and a rocket launcher.

I love Catwoman so much. Someday I'll make a coherent post about how much I love this character. But I got more comics to review right now:

Batman #664


It was so hard not to read this first, but I wanted to save it.

Morrison! Kubert! Reunited and it feels so good! Like, seriously, THIS is a proper Batman comic. Bruce Wayne is sexy as all hell, and we get to see him do all sorts of rad Bruce Wayne things. Heli-skiing, dating a famous lady, fancy dining, and taking down a helicopter full of paparazzi by hurling a ski pole at it. (Plus, you know he totally got some after the fancy dining).

Back in Gotham, he's lookin' Kubert-fresh in his Batsuit, and helping prostitutes. And also...THROWING BATARANGS THAT ACTUALLY COME BACK TO HIM! I don't know why that excited me so much, but it really, really did. Obviously it excited Morrison and Kubert too because they devoted a whole (awesome) page to it.

And this is just about the greatest first page of a comic ever:

HA! Just leaving the office! Fantastic! I can't wait for the next issue.

Action Comics #847

Well, this was weird. It wasn't bad. It was pretty to look at, and kinda heartwarming. But certainly weird. It was so very Smallville (or, I suppose, Birthright). Jonathan Kent looked so much like a slightly older John Schneider.
This book is all about father/son bonding, which means very little to me. Jonathan tells Martha about a time that their son treated him to an exciting trip into space. They had lied to Martha and told her they were going ice fishing. If I were Martha, I would be mad as hell that no one thought that I might be interested in seeing outer space. But, y'know, the muffins would burn.

Looked nice. A little too sweet for my tastes. Possibly a little too sweet for Count Chocula's tastes. And that's coming from a devoted Smallville fan.

Connon Hawke: Dragon's Blood #5


Oh, Connor. You are a dreamboat, and you may even be straight (that certainly seems to be the point of your series, which I have been saying should be called Connor Hawke: Straight as an Arrow!), but I gotta say...getting a little bored with this story. And it's only six issues long. In this issue he kills a dragon with a magic arrow. Phew!

52 Week 47

Ow. My head. So many storylines. And even the Origin of the Teen Titans backup was confusing.

Ok, the Nanda Parbat Tim Drake stuff was good. Bruce Wayne locking himself in a cave for a week while Tim sits outside and drinks soup while thinking about a goose in a bottle? Sure. That qualifies as fun. Tim talking to Wonder Woman? I liked it. Then we got to the Batwoman stuff and I got confused and sleepy. But then...Doc Magnus! And he's totally nuts! Little pocket-sized metal men talking to him! All with Black Adam screaming in the background from Sivana's chambers (Do you think it might actually be Sivana that's screaming? That's what my money is on).
Animal Man! Awesome! I can't wait to see what he's been up to, I really...Oh. It's over. And now we have stupid boring Steel(s). And they are starting a stupid boring club for stupid boring people. NEXT!
Montoya! Still looking like Michael Jackson! Checking in on Batwoman and...Nightwing! I am familiar with you! Thank God!
And we're back to Wonder Woman and Tim and...Bruce Wayne! Bustin' out of the cave and lookin' really happy:

Maybe someone in the cave told him that Grant Morrison and Andy Kubert were going to be teaming up to do his comic. Or maybe he was thinking about me. The important thing is that he's looking real foxy. And I like to think the next words out of his mouth are "Tim, son. I had an epiphany. I'm a billionaire. Let's go buy some women and some fast cars! From now on things are going to be ok!"

You Don't Have To Be Sober To Love Bob Haney

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie to you. My band won four categories in the local Best of Music poll here in Halifax tonight. Soooo...I'm a little drunk. We won two awards for the totally awesome video that Ben Jeddrie made for us. You should check it out here: TOTALLY AWESOME!

It has super heroes in it.

But, drunk or not, Bob Haney Rules Week must continue. No matter how lazy.

I'm just gonna post this panel. You can decide for yourselves what it's about. I'll post something better tomorrow. Promise.

The Biggest Space Bum in All the Galaxies

Bob Haney Rules Week continues!

Ram Drood. As far as I can tell, he's a Haney original character. He's in World's Finest no. 246, and I believe this is his first appearance, but feel free to correct me.

He shows up, looking queenie, and accuses Superman of secretly trapping his deformed twin brother, Kor-El, in a Kryptonite asteroid for past couple of decades. And then the awesome, awesome insults start flying!

Three in one panel! And that's just after Green Arrow called Superman "the lousiest crumb in the universe!" Harsh words, GA. When Superman gets angry, he comes up with some pretty hilarious insults. "Bow-toting clown." "Space Bum." And my favourite:


"You crazy hobo!"

Superman has no time for this bohemian asshole. And the feeling is mutual.

Of course the only one who believes that Superman may be innocent is Batman. He even gives his friend a relaxing neck massage:

Man, eventually they are going to run out of things to call each other, and one of them is going to slip and say "doll face" or something instead of "old comrade" and it is gonna be awk-ward.

So, Ram Drood hangs out for the rest of the issue, kinda like that episode of The Simpsons where that teenager named Roy lives with them. No explanation. He's just there, chilling with the Justice League, and making Batman mad enough to use PG language.


Everyone is into the idea of Superman going to rescue his brother from the Kryptonite asteroid except Batman, who vehemently objects:

"Blazes!" Can you imagine if you were hanging out with some people and one of them got mad enough to start shaking their fist in the air like that? It would be weird. Especially if their anger turned the background red.

Ok, so it turns out that Batman is right, and Superman does die. Or, at least he appears to die. And Batman is left alone to grieve over his dear friend's body. Well...almost alone.

Why hasn't Batman punched that guy yet? Also...is Batman smirking a little?

Oh. Don't worry. Superman and Ram Drood patch things up in the end:

Random Acts of Haney

I was working all day today, so this entry in Bob Haney Rules Week will be random...and awesome!

We'll start with a bone-chilling panel depicting Batman's messed-up sense of humour:

"Am I right, boys? Ha ha!"

*shudder*

And here we have a triple whammy of greatness. Batman makes a crazy comparison, calls Robin "kiddoo" (rhymes with Ski-doo) and Robin yells "God!" (Even funnier if read with a Napoleon Dynamite voice).

Next we have Batman a little off his game:


Look out, Bruce! There is a large and obvious bunch of men in your room! Just turn your head slightly! Use your peripheral vision! Stop reading that man's diary!

Aw, what am I worried about? It's not like they could really trap Batman with a stupid net!

Oh. Well...at least they took his shirt off and tied him up. Diabolical!

"However did you see through my cunning disguise, Clark? Was it the fact that I haven't altered my appearance in any way?"

"No, Bruce, old friend. I was just doing my usual rounds of x-raying the shirt of every man I see when I noticed the Bat symbol on your rugged chest."

In case you aren't convinced that Haney is the king of convoluted plot lines, this next panel more or less sums up the story the last four panels were from:

"Check!" That's very cute.

And finally...I love it when they finish each other's sentences:

Aiiiiieeee!!

Bob Haney Rules Week continues.

I love how frequently the characters of the Haneyverse emit bone-chilling banshee cries.

And, yes. That is what Batman is saying.

Which is better? Aieeee! or...

I can't decide. Possibly even funnier than these exclamations is Batman's reaction to his boy partner being electrocuted:

Batman only looks out for one guy: Batman.

Moments later...

Yeah...you probably should have. Jackass.

Anyway, back to humorous cries of agony. This is my favourite:

"Aiiee! I...I'm blacking out!" Man. Even I can take blacking out better than that.

By contrast, Haney's Green Lantern can silently take a beating. Like a man.

Super-Butt!

I'm officially calling this Bob Haney Rules Week here at Living Between Wednesdays. Seven days of Bob Haney panels with crazy Bob Haney quips.

For example...

Oh it's going to be a great week.

Superman and Batman Quit Earth, Not Each Other.

Why? I'll tell you why. Because in outer space no one will judge their love.

"And we're not coming back until we're allowed to wed legally!"

"In outer space, our lives will be perfect. We'll fly around holding hands all day!"

Awwwww.

Also in this issue:

Yowza! Man I love Bob Haney and his crazy hippy talk. He makes our heroes say the most ridiculous (and sexy) things to each other.

This Week's Haul: New and Improved Aquaman, Super Hero Crushes and Mad Scientists

I've decided not to change the title of my weekly new comic reviews from "This Week's Haul" because I can't think of a better one. Also, I've already been tagging the old posts using that. But I have added a subtitle, which I think jazzes it up nicely.

The theme of this week's new comics is Getting My Money's Worth, because I certainly did.

Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane #16

New artist on this one, and we were all a little scared of that, but...

...he did good. David Hahn totally won me over with his drawings of Firestar:

Realism! That's how a tight costume would look on a young girl! You rule, David!

I love this comic sooooo much. Mary-Jane is with Harry, and Spider-Man is hanging out with Firestar, and Peter Parker is getting the cold shoulder from Gwen and Mary-Jane...oh the teen drama!

The Spirit #4

I have been waiting a long time to see this awesome cover somewhere other than the internet. Soooo nice.

I can't even think coherently about this series because I love it so much. It just keeps getting better and better, which is insane because the first issue was perfect.

One coherent thought: I love that the narration was Satin's, and that she repeatedly noted the dreaminess of The Spirit. But her narration was so tough that it lead you believe it was actually The Spirit talking for the whole first page.

Man this comic is fun. And Dave Stewart really works his magic on this one, with awesome washed-out colouring in the desert.

If you're not reading this series, you're just crazy.

The Brave and the Bold #2

Everybody earns their money with this issue. George Perez crams an unbelievable amount of art on every page. It's not just the cover. I believe that man could draw the entire DCU onto a grain of rice if he needed to. Bob Wacek had a whole lotta inking to do on this. Mark Waid has to put words in the mouths of two of DC's most famous self-involved chatterboxes, and he succeeds with witty banter and fun quips throughout. There is a hell of a lot of colour in this book , so kudos to Tom Smith, and my wrist hurt just looking at all the lettering that needed to be done. Well done, Rob Leigh!

Green Lantern and Supergirl. As it turns out, not a bad combo at all. Kara keeps flirting with Hal, Hal keeps reminding himself that Kara is 17. And that's gross, but also funny because it's Hal. Please go for it, Hal, just so I can watch Superman clean the floor with you.

Supergirl looked better than usual in this book. That's what you get when Perez is drawing, I guess. I will always hate that costume, but this was the best I'd seen it look.

Next on deck: Batman and Blue Beetle. We got a taste in this issue, but I really can't wait for more.

Detective Comics #830

Last we left our heroes, Batman was wearing an ill-fitting suit, Robin was sticky, and a terrorist was going to blow up Wayne Tower. Stuart Moore has been filling-in for Paul Dini for these two issues, and he did a decent job. This issue had some exciting moments. Bruce talking Tim through the removal of the blasting cap that was stuck in the plastic explosives covering Tim's body. The cap could be detonated at any moment, but they were both totally cool under the pressure. I like how the story has them only able to communicate though radio even though they are in the same building. It' s a tense little story. Good stuff.

I think I do like Andy Clarke's art. I was trying to decide on the last issue. It's very clean, but there's nice detail where detail needs to be. And this page is really nice:

Justice Society of America #4

What's this? A cover with a sense of humour from Alex Ross? Delicious!

I'll be interested to know why exactly Wildcat has a son who can actually turn into a wildcat. I am sure that he is interested himself. Until then, I'm just going to assume there's a good explanation and enjoy Ted bonding with his son.

This was another good issue. Another giant fight against Nazis. This series has been great at balancing the old characters and the new in a way that makes me care about all of them.

I'd like to give special attention to Dale Eaglesham's version of Powergirl. For Powergirl, she is downright presentable.

I mean, I've accepted that Powergirl is never going to be sensibly dressed, but that is a relatively small boob window she's sporting in this series. I also really like her very cute haircut and her loose-fitting, diagonal belt. I'd like to see her in some pants. I think pants suit her more, and kind of balance out the boob window, but I guess she's not supposed to be toned down.

Anyway, she certainly looks better when drawn by Eaglesham than by, oh, say...Michael Turner:
Oy.

52: Week 46


Revenge of the nerds!!! Black Adam heads to Oolong Island to hunt down the team of mad scientists who are responsible for killing his family. The result? Black Adam gets served!
First of all, let's acknowldge, because it's easy to forget, how awesome it is that, in 52, we got to see DC's mad scientist all-stars piled together on an island building doomsday devices.

And then we get to see them beat up on a superhero/villain/misunderstood strong guy:

Grand! Well done, Morrison!

Then we get some sort of closure (I assume...I hope...) to the whole Luthor/Steel fiasco, with help from Clark "I wish I could fly" Kent. And, in other news, Atom Smasher wants to help.

Also, there is an origin story for this fellow named Batman, who sounds like quite the hero indeed! I must look into this brave young man and his essential story lines.

Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis #50

So, I didn't read much of the Busiek run on Aquaman, but I am familiar with what was going on. This was a nice big comic. It cost over a dollar more than usual, but I definitely felt I got my money's worth. It's a really fun read, and I would say a good place to start reading Aquaman if you're at all interested. I don't know much about Tad Williams , the new writer, because I don't read many fantasy comics, but the writing was great and I think Aquaman, being set under the sea and all, lends itself well to fantasy-style storytelling. There is no end to the creatures you can invent, or the landscapes.

I like the introduction of Topo:

He's not your grandmother's octopus friend! He's a whole new breed of octo-pal!

Alright, Aquaman. You've got my attention. I'm looking forward to the next issue.

Bustin'!

I'd like to take a moment to share a memory of Captain America. In his life he stood as a living symbol of freedom and courage. And when it came to rockin' the body to the b-beat, he was down by law.

Captain America: Soldier. Leader. Hero. Breaker.

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of TMNT

Dear Michelangelo,

I suppose it would be easiest to just come out and say it. I know how you value honesty.

As you probably know, I was in love with you for the better part of two years. Possibly even three, but I tried to downplay it during that last one. Your playful one-liners and carefree attitude, teamed with the fact that you were clearly the most attractive turtle, swept me off my feet. Alas, I was only nine years old, and you were well into your teens. I hoped that you would wait for me.

And now we've met once again, all these years later. I fear that, during our time apart, I have outgrown you. I am now an adult woman, and you remain a teenager, which, I have to say Mikey, is strange.

I was pleased to see that you are still looking well. Time has not dampened your zest for life, nor your sense of humour. You seem to be listening to younger, hipper music that makes me feel old, and perhaps "Spin That Wheel" and "Ninja Rap" were never really as good as I thought they were.

I guess what I am trying to say is, although I am still very fond of you, it is clear that our lives are very different now. You, an adolescent turtle living in the sewers of New York, and I a 26-year-old woman about to enter graduate school. I guess we weren't meant to be.

You will always be my favourite Ninja Turtle. I know most girls were attracted to Raphael's tough-guy loner attitude, but for me it was always you. I wish you all the best with your future, which I hope will be long. No doubt there will be other nine-year-old girls who look at you and hear wedding bells. One of them should be so lucky.

Truly,
Rachelle

This Week's Haul

This week I ended up buying more than I thought I would. It's a decent amount, considering the lack of a Batman title.

Civil War: The Confession #1

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

This was just adorable. And...text-heavy in the classic Bendis style. I actually enjoyed it. I kinda like Bendis, even though his Spider-Man is gratingly annoying. Certainly better than Millar. Basically the whole point of this comic is to show that Iron Man isn't the total ass that Civil War led us to believe.

Am I crazy? I thought this was better than any of the other Civil War books. I know I'm a Marvel newbie, but...

One question: Captain America is shown with his blood-spattered shield resting on his dead body. Very powerful imagery and all that, but...how did his shield get all bloody? He didn't have it on him when he was shot.

So...is this an ongoing thing? It's #1. Are more confessions going to happen. Is Iron Man just going to sit next to Captain America's rotting corpse confessing every little thing that's been bothering him. ("Steve, you remember when you put that sandwich in the fridge at the Avenger mansion, and it disappeared? And you said you clearly labeled it "Captain America's Lunch," and you asked me if I'd seen it? Well, I totally ate it. I'm sorry. I know I said I didn't know what you were talking about, but I did. And...it wasn't worth it. That sandwich wasn't very good.").

Robin #160

I'm trying to make a decision about whether or not to start buying Robin regularly. I always enjoy it when I read it, and I really like Tim Drake as a character. It's a funner comic than Nightwing, but it's still not...quite...interesting enough. I dunno. Maybe because I don't regularly read Teen Titans. Should I be reading Teen Titans? Anyone?

This was pretty good. Sometimes I have to ask myself if I only read Robin because there's a chance that Batman will show up. Does that make me shallow? Anyway, he didn't show in this issue, and maybe that made me like it a little less than if he had. Also, this was one of two comics, Superman being the other one, that I read this week featuring a clumsily-written gangsta dude.

I do like Robin solving complex mysteries on his own. I have a soft spot for teenage detectives. And this one features a good amount of detective work. That was kinda cool.

Green Arrow #72

First of all, I am very sad that this is being canceled. I know it's fashionable to dislike Judd Winick, but I'm cool with him, and I think his writing suited the Green Arrow title nicely. This issue wraps up the Green Arrow/Batman team-up series. Like all Green Arrow comics, it was a fun read with cool art snappy hero/villain banter. Also, Green Arrow and Batman arguing, which is always a good time. The rumour is that this title is being replaced with a Green Arrow/Black Canary title. I guess I'm ok with that. It means a good female character more or less gets her own title, so I can't complain. I just hope we don't stray from the Green Arrow family of sidekicks, because I enjoy each and every one of them.

Superman #660

Full marks for this cover. Speech bubbles? Yay!

The Busiek run on Superman has been kinda...odd. It's been sort of Astro City-esque in the way that it stars Metropolis more than Superman, focusing on various minor characters and random Metropolis citizens. I liked last month's story about the religious old woman who believed Superman to be one of God's angels, and herself to hold the God-given power of summoning Superman to smite evil. What she doesn't get is that Superman is simply showing up whenever she prays for him because he can hear her with his super-hearing. God's not really a factor.

Anyway, that was last month. This month's issue focuses on the Prankster. It's his POV, and involves him instructing the reader on the art of the perfect prank. It's...pretty good, but I dunno. Does anyone else feel that All-Star Superman has ruined them for all other Superman stories? It's getting harder to impress me. Good effort, though, Kurt!

Wonder Woman #5

Already!

Ok, so we have a guest writer and artist. I like Will Pfeifer. I enjoy his work on Catwoman. I'm looking forward to his Amazons Attack mini-series. I had no problem with the writing of this comic (A little heavy-handed maybe...).

This issue is part five of Diana Prince's It's a Wonderful Life-style journey to learn whether or not the existence of Wonder Woman is any good for anybody. As it turns out, it is. In this issue we learn that a number of shelters for battered women were started up across America in Wonder Woman's name. The very idea of Wonder Woman has given countless women hope and the power to believe in themselves. Nice. Too bad when WW finally shows up in all her splendor...she's showing a little too much...splendor:

Aw, lady. Look at yourself. Boobs all falling out. Eagle head buried in cleavage. Not really enough material in the shorts to cover your whole crotch (nice Brazilian, by the way). You look so much better on the cover. I do approve of your flat boots, though.

But seriously, just bring the shorts out an inch or so to completely cover her crotch and you'll get far less eye-rolling from me. Check out the difference:

Slight, but important. And maybe her breasts should be a little more secure. IT'S WONDER WOMAN! A little respect, please. You wouldn't draw Superman with his balls all hanging out.

52 Week 45


Nice cover, once again. J.G. Jones has been rocking these things. Every single one is a winner.

So this is the big lead-in to World War III, it seems. And it looks like it's going to go down thusly: Black Adam versus...everyone else in the whole world. If I didn't have any advance knowledge of how things are going to turn out, I would be leaning toward betting on Black Adam. Dude is pissed. Other than learning that Black Adam is going to kill us all, and that Sivana is totally ready for a smack-down, not too much was learned in this issue. Oh, other than that Montoya is dressing like The Question...without really dressing like The Question. Just do it, Rene. Just do it and get it over with. You are boring me. If somebody asked me to be The Question, you better believe I'd do it. I'd be buying a royal blue suit so fast...

Grifter/Midnighter #1

Oh, Wildstorm. You have figured out the secret formula for getting my money. Midnighter + Anyone = $$. This is similar to the DC formula, which is Batman + Anyone = $$. Just imagine what you could charge me for Midnighter + Batman. (Please, please make that comic. It would be so...weird).

I don't know much about Grifter because I don't read WildC.A.Ts. Maybe I should, what with the Grant Morrison and all. Not much has happened in this series as of yet, but Midnighter is being his usual badass self. And that's good enough for me. Sigh. Call me, Midnighter!

Hal Jordan Is Lazy

And now I give you The Laziest Fight of All Time:

Courtesy of Justice League of America no. 200 (art by Gil Kane).

There's such a thing as being too dependent on your power ring, Hal.

Oh, Aaron, Let's Make a Film...

So we have our Harvey Dent for the upcoming Batman movie, and it's Aaron Eckhart.

I basically have no opinion of this man, other than the fact that his name sounds a lot like Aaron Echolls creeps me out due to the amount of Veronica Mars I've been watching lately. And he looks a lot like Harry Hamlin to boot. So I'll probably never be able to think that he's not a psychopath. Which is good...what with him becoming Two-Face and all.

I do have this to say about him: he's about 40. Which is probably too old for a young DA starting up in Gotham. I like the idea of a 20-something year old actor getting the role a lot better.

There has also been some bizarre Dark Knight casting: the Rachel Dawes character will be returning, but this time played by Maggie Gyllenhaal. That's an improvement, but it's also...why bother? Just cut the character. He really doesn't need a love interest that badly.

But these are minor quibbles. I seriously can't wait for this movie.

This Week's Haul

Alright, I'm gonna try something new here. I'm going to do what the blog title implies and start writing about my new comic book purchases each week. Unfortunately for me, this week happens to be a rather large haul.

Anyway, here they are in the order that I read them:

Captain America #25

Would you believe I made it through eight hours of a ten hour shift at a comic shop on a Wednesday before I learned the big spoiler for this issue? Then someone came in, grabbed the issue, and said "Is this the one where he dies?" I was like "What?" And he turns to the last page and says "Yep. It is." Noooooooooooo!!! I just started to like Captain America! We were going to be together forever, Steve! This was going to be the week where I start buying your book on a regular basis! And you go and die on me?! Bad manners, Steve.
I guess I'll have to focus on that dreamy Winter Soldier. Mmmm...younger, darker...more bionic.
I give this comic a thumbs up. It was definitely a good read and had more than one big surprise in it.

Detective Comics #829

Ok, first of all: ewwwwwww!!! That cover is so wrong for so many reasons! I love how Batman is skipping into the room.
Beyond the cover, I couldn't decide if I liked Andy Clarke's art or not. I still don't know. I do know that I like it more than Don Kramer's art in the previous Detective run, but that's not saying much. Little things can really bother me, like...I refuse to believe that Bruce Wayne wouldn't be wearing a more fitted suit:

And since the whole story is about how he can't change into his Batman costume, we can assume that he's not wearing it underneath, and thus there is no reason for him to be wearing that ill-fitting off-the-rack affair.
The story is alright. Batman and Robin (in a red-breasted tuxedo...cute) have to save everyone inside the Wayne Tower from a terrorist without being too obvious about their secret identity. Oh, and the terrorist shoots plastic explosives out of a gun, so THAT'S what Robin is covered in on the cover. Still, though, did it have to be dripping off his chin?!

52: Week 44

No word on poor Ralph Dibny's status in this issue. Please don't be dead, Ralph. This issue is Black Adam family-centric, and that's cool. The end seems to be in sight for his character's storyline. Ditto with Montoya.
Probably the most exciting thing for me in this issue was the inside back cover ad for Countdown promising a search for Ray Palmer. Yay!

Superman/Batman #32

Oh dear. Can't these two just get along?
Again, I don't know what I think of the art in this book, this time by Matthew Clark and Ron Randall. Sometimes it looked kinda good. Sometimes it looked all messy. I don't know how I feel about this storyline, either. I was kinda into the idea in general, of all the aliens being turned against Earth, but I think the fact that Superman was "cured" by remembering that he's in love with Lois was pretty damn lame. I actually threw up a little. And why the hell was Lobo in the book? Seriously, it was the most pointless and random cameo ever. Was it just to add an action figure to the next Superman/Batman toy series?
I don't know if you've picked up on this now from reading this blog, but my love for both Batman and Superman is infinite. So this should be my favourite book, right? It really isn't, and that bothers me. From the beginning it's been letting me down on a weekly basis. It's not terrible, it's just not great. Why can't it be great?!

Justice League of America #6

I chose the Adam Hughes cover over the Michael Turner cover because it's the lesser of two evils. Plus I like to support any decision to put a speech bubble on a cover. And, I'll say this for Hughes, this cover really isn't as gross as it could have been. And I've certainly seen worse Black Canary covers:

Like all previous issues of JLA, I liked this comic a lot. It had two big ass battles in it and both were awesome. Plus I always enjoy how Meltzer peppers his narration with fun facts about science and nature. You can really learn a lot from Brad Meltzer. This week I learned about tornadoes, falcons, organ failure, and how to defeat a robot who has the combined powers of the entire Justice League.
My only real complaint is Wonder Woman's shorts, which, once again, are lacking:

Sigh.

Midnighter #5

Ah, Midnighter. I saved you because I love you so much. Midnighter has consistently been my favourite series since it started. It's a lot of fun, and it's totally possible to enjoy it even if you never read a single page of Authority comics. Midnighter is oft called a Batman rip-off, but it's really more of a tribute. Plus, he's Batman + Wolverine + Punisher multiplied by awesome plus gay. This book looks great, is completely entertaining, and has lead me to say "holy crap!" outloud while reading more often than most books. (This week I said it at least three times). I also laugh out loud pretty frequently while reading it. Midnighter, I know you don't like girls, but if you ever change your mind about that...or about being fictional...I am totally waiting for you.

The Authority #2

And onto Authority, for this week I get a double shot of my baby's love (my baby being Midnighter. Keep up).
Yes, it's been, what, two years since the last issue of this came out? I don't even remember what happened last time. But who cares? Grant Morrison + Gene Ha = quality. I can tell this is going to get awesome. It's already pretty damn fun.
Can someone answer me this because I'm too lazy to check: have they always bleeped out the swearing in the Authority comics? I was sure that they were leaving it in. But it's all bleeped in this one. Boooo. But yay for putting all the ads in the back so Ha's amazing art isn't interrupted by that damn Final Fantasy quiz ad (although, I also noticed that there are only two ads in the whole book that aren't for DC. Aw. No one wants to advertise in Authority? Sounds like Wildstorm needs a plucky young advertising sales rep. I just so happen to have my resume handy...).

Shazam! The Monster Society of Evil #2

Aw, man. Is this really only going to last 4 issues? I am so in love with this book. It should be at least as long as, say, Omac. Oh well.
Yep, I don't even know what to say. Looks great. Seriously fun. Seriously funny. And totally adorable. And the aligator monsters yelling "We've lost! Quick! Eat the children!" is definitely one of my favourite comic book quotes in recent memory. This comic is doing everything right. Well done, Mr Smith.

Scalped #3

And we go from totally adorable to totally...not.

I figured it was about time that I get on on the ground floor with a Vertigo title, so I've been picking up Scalped since the first issue. Despite an over-reliance on creative profanity, this is a really good read. I don't really have much to say about it, other than I feel that it's going to keep getting better as it goes on. And, seriously, the apparent need of writer Jason Aaron to come up with cool new R-rated insults only distracts from the high quality of the story. Like, yeah. I had a Scarface poster in my dorm room too, Aaron.

So that about does it for this week. I didn't pick up Jonah Hex because I buy that in trade format. I'm sure it's great, though.

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of 300

Seriously. Go see this movie. There is no way you won't have a good time. Don't overthink it. It's like watching a really great sporting event. 300 buff dudes fight off wave after crazy wave of Persians. And it looks great...

...really, really great...

Damn. Those are some buff dudes.

Anyway, it's a good time at the movies. It's not too long, which I appreciate, and it more or less looks like and follows the book. There's some kinda lame added subplots, but I don't want to spoil anything. I would be happy to discuss the movie more in depth in the comments thread. Until then, just go see it, then walk out of there ripping your shirt off and killing something in the name of Sparta.

Yeah, that's right, Frank. I liked it. Shut up and stop looking so smug.

Exactly How Much Free Time Does Batman Have?

If you answered 'a lot,' you are correct.

Local comic book kingpin, Cal Johnston, was kind enough to give me a copy of Superman Annual no. 9 because he knows I love nothing more than an elaborate Batman prank played on Superman.

This is a well-timed gift because I have been wanting to post about one of my favourite comics of all-time, Action Comics no. 241, anyway. Now I have a nice little theme going.

You may recognize this story from Showcase Presents Superman vol. 1. It's really the greatest. It opens with Superman writing in his giant, metal diary with his heat vision (even though later in the same comic he says that he scratches his diary entries into the metal pages with his fingernails, which...yiiii. I can't even think about that. It makes my teeth curl).


We get to see a whole lot of the fortress of solitude in this issue, which is excellent. We learn that Batman isn't the only superhero with plenty of time to waste on ridiculous shit. Granted, Superman's hobbies are a little nicer.

I love Clark's face in those panels. So grim. As if he's thinking "You'll get that car soon enough, Jimmy. When you die. Next week."

But what is he thinking about, really? Why the lovely and elaborate gifts he's making for his pals.

Wait. Roll back. Jimmy gets the sports car...when Superman dies?! Huh? Why can't he just have it when it's finished? And how would anyone be able to get Jimmy the car in the event of Superman's death? It's in the Fortress of Damn Solitude!
Also, I don't know if Batman necessarily needs that robot detective machine thing, but the thought is nice. And I like that Superman says that Batman is the one person he can trust with all his secrets. Too bad that's gonna bite him in the ass in a minute.

Because our hero finds this message!

Freaky! And there's more!

Yes, the mystery intruder is fiendishly finishing Superman's psychedelic crappy, crappy paintings. I should clarify that the only thing the mystery man added to the painting was the crystal structures. So the Grinch hands coming out of the ground and that hairy pile of soft serve against the yellow sky? Supe painted those. But it's the crystals that make the thing "weird--utterly weird!" Whatever, Superman. Anyway, he's so broken up about it that he immediately plays some chess against a robot. He beats the robot, and then...

Oh. Right. Intruder. Important.

This whole ordeal starts to wear down the Man of Steel's sanity, which is good for no one. He has comical nightmares:

And generally does some sloppy hero work because he is distracted. Boy, whoever is doing this to him is a cruel, cruel individual.

Finally all is revealed when Superman gets trapped by some kryptonite and an avalanche.

Oh, Batman! You jackass! Now look what you've done. You may as well fill us in as you both wait for death.

Eat it, Batman! Superman's been in the kitchen all day cookin' up a big batch of YOUR OWN MEDICINE with a side of DEM APPLES. How you like 'em, Batman?

As an aside, I think it was an extra kick in the nuts for Batman to melt down that statue of himself. Superman worked hard on that. Don't be surprised when the next one that Superman makes of you has ACNE, Batman, you big jerk.

Now these last few panels are comepletely adorable:

There is so much that rules about the above panels.

1. Batman goes shopping in full Batman costume for a gift for Superman.
2. "Thanks, Batman. You really scared the hell out of me." "You, too, buddy. Now let's go have some cake."
3. THAT CAKE! First of all...when did Batman bake it? It would have to be at least a week old because he's been hiding in the Fortress all that time. And since when did Batman bake? And how cute does Batman look, hands behind his back, all "I baked it myself!" And why is it so big?! Superman is a normal-sized person. He doesn't need a giant cake any more than he needs a giant diary. Where did Batman even bake it? And how did he move it into the Batcave? Where did he get that giant knife? Did he carve those candles himself? Does it concern anyone that if someone saw that cake they would know Superman's secret identity? I hate to break it to Batman, but Superman obviously would need super-strength to cut that cake because of the giant knife and all. Did Batman make that banner himself? Is Superman going to blow out those candles? Would that destroy the cake? Did they just hang out all night after this, eating several metric tons of cake and perhaps cracking a few beers? Could that be made into a movie?

Alright, enough about that. Let's fast forward a few decades and look at Annual no 9 from 1983. Here we see another elaborate Bat-prank, this time even weirder. It's only two pages long, so here's the whole thing:


Ok, so that was weird. Bruce Wayne bothered to get himself a convincing Italian hotdog vendor costume, and a hotdog cart. Then he bothered to set it all up in Metropolis in the hopes that Clark Kent would stop by for a dog. Then he decided to throw on a jarringly stereotypical Italian American accent. And what is the punchline of this prank? To make Superman think his hotdog costs $72.50. Well, that's...awesome. What a tremendous amount of effort to go through.

I know there is some debate as to whether or not Batman is mentally stable, but I offer both of these comics as pretty strong evidence that he is not.