Superman Gives Batman His Heart

Oh summer Saturday. The perfect day to dip into the Silver Age and pull out another gem.

In this fun adventure, Superman dies! Everyone is sad...except Batman, who is super pumped about finally getting to crack open Superman's will:

I love how Batman just storms into the room "Shut up everyone, I have something to read you."

Right. So it's unanimous. Batman gets Superman's heart. And no one cares that:

a) Batman does not want a new heart, or the complicated and dangerous transplant surgery required, or

b) Batman does not need a new heart.

But who cares what Batman thinks? It's unnecessary surgery time!

Wow. These are some well-prepared surgeons. Batman needs to get the hell out of there. You do not want to be lying on the operating table and hearing "How do we operate?"

Before Batman can make his escape, Supergirl shows up with some special surgical instruments that Superman had built himself (?!). This next panel is fantastic:

That off-panel, desperate 'No!' is my favourite thing ever.

He hastily makes his self-deprecating (and sensible) excuses and leaves the operating room in tact. Not even the surgeon's persuasive "But Batman!..." argument can change his mind.

The surgeons don't want to waste an opportunity to slice open Superman. They remove all his super parts.

Nice.

So guess who steals them: Lex frigging Luthor. And he sells them to the highest bidders (I really can't believe he didn't just get them all transplanted to his own body).

Whoever gets his hands gets super strength? That's just preposterous. Everything else about this comic makes total sense.

The super-powered body parts get sold to four assholes:

Just like Superman would have wanted.

Y'know, this comic is really gross.

Barf!

This Week's Haul: I Want to Join the Sinestro Corps

A comparatively light week for me, so this should be a breeze! Sorry for the delay, but weird holidays mean late deliveries.

Sinestro Corps #1

Ho. Ly. God.

This was fantastic. Y'know what I liked about this? EVERYTHING.

The thing is, DC really needed this. So far their attempts at a summer blockbuster cross-over have been lacking. Amazons Attack is fun in theory, and the actual mini-series is well-written and looks good, but the problem is that it's just not really working as an event. I'll talk more about it later. The other major DC event, the Lightning Saga cross-over, didn't work as well as it maybe should have because it was so damn confusing. Countdown isn't working because...it isn't working. And that brings us to the end of the list.

So, Sinestro Corps. It's great. For one thing, all you needed to read leading into it was Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps. To continue following the series after this one-shot, you still only need to read those two titles. No sweat. However...it also references 52 and continues the events in that. In fact, it gives us more info about the new multiverse in one issue than Countdown has in eight.

The beautiful thing about this is that it's a Green Lantern event for Green Lantern fans. Even though there are important DCU events happening, it isn't going out of its way to pull in other fans. I'm sure non-GL readers will pick this up, and maybe will go back and read the two excellent series that lead to it (note to DC - it would have been a good idea to get some GL trades out before this), but this is written for existing fans. Sinestro is not attacking the Teen Titans, or Green Arrow, or Jonah Hex. He's attacking Green Lanterns. But the members of the Sinestro Corps...and who is behind it...damn. I don't want to give away the ending, but it's great. Everything that happens in this book is crazy. Including the big giant battle, which is only the beginning of what is going to be a crazy good war.

I also want to thank Guy Gardner for proving my point:

Supergirl is for pervs.

Oh, and the back-up Sinestro story? Also awesome. I don't feel that I give Geoff Johns enough credit on this blog as one of the great comic writers. I'm saying, right now, Geoff Johns is great.

Amazons Attack #3/Wonder Woman #10/Teen Titans #48

Alright, so as I was saying, Amazons Attack is fun in theory, but just isn't working as well as it should be. This might be because its foundation is the very mediocre Wonder Woman title, which not that many people were reading, and even fewer were enjoying. But I think the real problem is that there is too much going on in the DCU right now for any of this to matter. I keep forgetting that Amazons are attacking Washington. The mini-series should have come out over four consecutive weeks. Dragging it out as a monthly title doesn't make any sense, especially if there are no related titles to fill in those weeks. No real mention of the Amazons for three weeks, and then three titles at once come out. It just feels like, once a month, the Justice League has to drop what they're doing and go to Washington to fight Amazons.

Like I said, the writing and the art on Amazons Attack is very good. I loves me some Will Pfeifer, and Pete Woods draws some very pretty Amazons. And I really love Superman taking out an Amazon with a dumpster, and then picking up the dumpster so he can put it back where he found it.


And I love Batman's laptop.

But, just, overall this is a weird event. No one is talking about it, and no one will remember it. Most people just seem to be ignoring it. And that's the thing - you can ignore it. It really doesn't seem like it's going to matter at all when it's over.

Wonder Woman was bizarre this week. Especially this, which made my brain explode:

And other than that, it's just so meh. I am really looking forward to Gail Simone taking this thing and running with it.

Teen Titans had nice art by Al Barrionuevo. Look at how tough these girls look!

That's what I'm talking about!

It had a good battle between Supergirl and Miss Martian. Other than that...I don't know why, but Teen Titans just bores me. I cannot care about these characters. I like watching Tim Drake lead, but that's about it.

World War Hulk: X-Men #1/World War Hulk: Frontline #1

Frontline bored the hell out of me during Civil War, so I was not expecting much out of this. But it was pretty fun. Possibly because WWHulk is way more fun than Civil War overall. I mean, this comic was about the sixth re-telling of the first issue of WWHulk that we've seen, but it was still interesting enough. And we got to see some of the other aliens who are rolling with the Hulk:

Frontline was actually pretty damn entertaining. There were a lot of funny moments. Like this one:

So true.

And a big fluffy kitty!!!

Aww, who's a fluffy kitty? Who's a fluffy kitty?

Alright, I'm done.

X-Men was, I thought, really fun. It's also great because we finally get to see Hulk doing something other than beating on Iron Man (wow...I never thought I'd get bored of that). Now he's beating on...children. At Xavier's school.

I just really liked the premise. Hulk wants to find out how Xavier would have voted had he been present during the Illuminati's decision to shoot the Hulk into space.

Nice cliffhanger! Looking forward to the next issue.

Daredevil #98

Lemme just say that Daredevil's escape from police custody...with his hands cuffed...RULED. It furthers my suspicion that Daredevil could possibly take Batman in a fight.

Beyond that, the scenes with Milla and Gladiator were really tense and great. That guy is so terrifying.

Superman/Batman #37

Hey, look what I'm reading again! I thought I'd try out the new story arc. It's written by Alan Burnett and drawn by Dustin Nguyen and the first issue is...pretty good? I dunno. There's no reason to ever expect much from this series (other than the fact that it is called Superman/Batman and it should therefore be the best comic ever).

This is not the best comic ever. But it isn't the worst one, either. I'm gonna take a wait-and-see stance with this one. Unlike most issues of S/B, nothing about it actually offended me. So that's a plus.

The art is doing the making-Superman-look-like-Brandon-Routh thing. I'm ok with that because Brandon Routh is hot, but I know it makes some fans go crazy.

Countdown Week 44

*sigh*

Once again, the highlight was the Piper/Trickster stuff, which sadly only occupied two pages. Other than those two pages, Bart Allan's death was pretty much ignored in the DCU this week.

I do love those two rogues, though.

Ooooo...who's watching them?

As for the rest of it...I don't know what's going on. I really don't. I guess we're not supposed to, but I also don't care. And that's bad. I don't care what Holly is doing with the Amazons. I don't care about Mary Marvel's new powers. I don't care about Forerunner. And, surprisingly, I am starting to not care about Jimmy's superpowers. I want to like this series so badly, and I was kinda digging it at first, but it's just...blah.

Blue Beetle #16

Ok, now THIS was dope.

Jaime meets Traci 13! And it's funny!

She's fighting Eclipso, and brings the battle to Jaime. The battle climaxes in this hilarious scene, as Eclipso threatens to release Jaime's deepest, darkest fantasies of ultimate power:

Lord I love that kid.

Traci and Jaime are cute together. Yay for teen romance!

Immortal Iron Fist #6

I have been wanting to read this series for awhile, but the issues always sell out really fast. I've finally gotten caught up.

I love this series so much. I love this issue so much. To scan and post one panel would imply that I love it more than all the other panels, and that would be a lie. Because every single panel of this comic is solid gold. I'm not being lazy. I'm being honest. And if you read this comic, you understand.

X-Men #200



Gambit!!!

I'll admit. I'm a closet Gambit fan. I know this may make me lose all credibility, but I was pretty happy to see him again in all his glory.

Aww...how can you not love that guy?

Alright, I'm out. Have a good long weekend everyone, if you are in Canada. And happy 4th of July to you Americans (or, happy Transformers Movie Opening). I'm betting that the comic shipments are going to be all messed up next week too.

The Bride of Batman

My new comics were delayed until today because of St Jean Baptiste Day in Quebec. Stupid Quebec. So to fill the void, I give you one of the greatest comics ever...

It is, of course, an imaginary story. Which means I don't have to kill Lois out of jealousy.

So our story starts with Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson getting ready for a costume party (oh, Silver Age. How I love you and your daily masquerade balls).

Bruce Wayne has a secret...a creepy secret:

I love his Bluebeard-style forbidden room that's full of mannequins and gifts. I love that he bought her a tiara...and shoes. In fact, there is nothing about this room that screams "straight" to me. "Oh I just buy pretty gowns and jewels and furs...for Lois. I'll never give them to her, but I assure you, they are for her and I do not just routinely go shopping for women's clothing and accessories and come in here and try them on."

Ok, so we've established that Bruce Wayne is even crazier than we thought he was. Let's move on to that costume ball.

Awwww. Poor Bruce. But I 100% approve of his costume choice. After seeing that room, though, I kinda expected him to show up as Jackie O.

Lois is at the party as Joan of Arc. And she actually brings a horse with her as part of the costume. Because she's stupid. Of course, the horse gets spooked. Bruce Wayne to the rescue!

*sigh* Whatta man.

Lois must have spent a fortune on that horse armor.

So Superman shows up with Wonder Woman after some sort of mission, and Lois gets all angry when he says they have to leave again for another crisis.

Mod Amazon? Fantastic!

Bruce Wayne was never one to miss an opportunity:

Why not, indeed, Lois? And look at the fun you're going to have together:

Bruce Wayne: Barrel of Fun.

Bruce and Lois continue courting...with sexy results (this is where I get really jealous):

Argh! So jealous! But...Lois is pretty awesome:

Hee! (Wait...what is Bruce wearing around his neck?!).

So now they're engaged, and Bruce decides to break the news to his best buddy Superman. The entire next page is AMAZING:

Holy smokes. First of all...does anyone not have a creepy shrine devoted to Lois? Secondly...Superman is smashing that bust of Lois in the face with his fist! I'm terrified! And the sobbing! Oh, Superman, pull yourself together. After all....you have a wedding to go to:

Ouch.

Lois, by the way, does not know that Bruce Wayne = Batman. That's a little something Bruce likes to pull out for the wedding night:

That panel of him swinging her around is very cute. As is the one below, with the GIANT DIAGRAM OF HIS SECRET CAVE.

The thing I really like about all of this is how happy Lois is. She's such a superhero fangirl. Bruce Wayne was a pretty good husband...but Batman?! Outstanding!

Superman isn't the only one who's jealous:

Stop lurking around the newlyweds, creepy! What are you hoping to see? I do love what he's thinking, though. (Jimmy Olsen knows Batman's secret? That's a blow).

Eventually Bruce Jr is born, which Robin is also not too happy about:

I love the "Cool it, Robin."

The purpose is to train the toddler as a crimefighter. I'm serious. If you weren't already concerned about Batman's sanity and his tendency to place minors in harm's way, you should be now.

Robin is stone pissed about turning the duo into a trio, until Batman asks him to be the kid's teacher:

Wow. Lois is in on this plan, eh? That's kinda surprising.

In that second panel I love the giant close-up of Batman's nose, and Robin saying "It swings!"

Things start to go wrong in the second half of the story. Lois gets kidnapped and nearly driven mad by crooks who want to know Batman's secret identity. I just think this next set of panels is awesome-looking:

Nice, Lois. Real nice. What did Clark ever do to you? You couldn't have said "Lex Luthor?"

The story continues in a direction that I cannot possibly explain. Just to give you some idea of how far off the rails it gets, this is a later panel:

Anyway, the whole thing ends like this:

"Boy was I wrong!"
"You sure were, friend! Her life is totally in danger!"
"Ha Ha Ha Ha!"
"Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Rating the Super Hunks #11: Dick Grayson

You knew this one was coming. This week Super Hunk theatre presents the pin-up pretty boy of the DCU...

Dick Grayson, aka Nightwing

Costume/Appearance: Little Dick Grayson. He grew up. He filled out. He got hot...eventually.

The current Nightwing costume is great. Really nice-looking. Nice colours, nice lines, nice fit. Also, great hair. I have no complaints about the current Nightwing costume. Or the appearance of the man filling it.

But we can't ignore the fact that it took Dick a loooong time to get there. And we had to see some pretty disgusting incarnations of Nightwing first.

No.


No.

No.

Super no.

Alright, that last one wasn't technically a Nightwing costume, but Jesus. If you can stand it, take some time to really study that thing. You'll notice that, as well as high-waisted baggy jeans, a short-sleeve polka-dot Oxford, Achy Breaky hair and intensely hairy arms, Dick is wearing loafers with no socks. You can stand in front of all the Ferraris you want and you will never look good wearing that.

I also abhor that long, disgusting rat-tail thing that Dick was rocking for awhile. It's so gross. It's like a serpent. I also never understood why it was way longer than his hair was when it wasn't pulled back. *shudder*

But if we focus on the now, and ignore the past, Dick is a looker.

8/10

Personality: I'm not sure how to put this lightly, but Dick Grayson is kinda...dumb. Or, if not dumb, he is lacking common sense. And he thinks with his manhood more than his brain, rivaling even Hal Jordan in this department (uh, the thinking part...I don't know about the manhood part). For a kid who grew up under the constant watch and teachings of Batman, Dick is a bit of a disappointment. I mean, he's a good leader and strategist, but overall...

On the positive side, Dick still retains a lot of the playful boyishness that we knew and loved in him as Robin. Again, considering his being raised by Bruce Wayne, having any kind of sense of humour is impressive. And he's, y'know, a nice guy who wants to help people.

Remember when he was partnered with that gay cop, and the other mean cops were beating up the gay cop, and Dick intervened? And when the mean cops asked Dick if he was his boyfriend or something, Dick said "What if I am?" That was nice. He gets a point for that.

I like Dick Grayson. I like him a lot. But he ain't no Tim Drake. And he is certainly these two things:

1. Boring
2. Horny

He gets a lot of play. A LOT of play:

Even when he looks like this:

Dude, we're just as surprised as you are.

The fact that Nightwing is one of the most sexually active superheroes out there certainly earns him some points in the hunk department. And the fact that I can now look at him without throwing up certainly helps. He's not...great...with women. But look at who he had as a teacher.

7/10

Day Job: Dick Grayson was a City of Blundhaven police officer. I think that's awesome. That means when he's not fighting crime...he's fighting crime.

But now he's just Nightwing. Oh...he runs a circus school. That's...not really all that sexy.

8/10

Sexiness of Powers: Dick has no powers, but he was trained by Batman. And, before that, he was trained as one of the top circus acrobats in the world. The result is that he rules at fighting, and can do crazy aerial stunts. He's strong and graceful. Of course that's sexy.

Plus, he's apparently the only person in the world who can do a quadruple somersault.

10/10

Cons: Dick Grayson's name is 'Dick.' I'm taking one point off for that. I'm also deducting points for his tendency to grow his hair badly, the fact that his comic is pretty boring, and for jerking Barbara Gordon around.

-4

Final Score: 29/40

He's sexy alright, but he'll always just be sidekick sexy. Plus, Tim Drake is going to grow up to look exactly like him, but way more awesome. Why have hamburger when you can wait a few years for steak?

Make Dragons History!

Are your plans constantly being interrupted by dragons?

Have your children been eaten by dragons?

Do you go to start your car...only to find it's been destroyed by a dragon?

Do you have to replace your roof more than three times/week?

Do you wish you could walk out of your house without seeing this:

Are Dragons RUINING YOUR LIFE?

It doesn't have to be like this.

It's time you took a stand. It's time you took your life back. It's time you purchased....

THE DRAGON MUTILATOR

This all-in-one dragon defense system features not one, but two blades. Use them together, or take them apart for double dragon slaying action! The spiked hand grip will tear unwanted dragons apart! The Dragon Mutilator is the brand dragons know and fear. Simply put, you would be a fool to not purchase this incredible weapon.

It's time to let the dragons know that they are not the boss of you. It's time to stand up and say "Those babies I make are for me to love, not for dragons to eat!" With the Dragon Mutilator no dragon will bother you and no woman can resist you. Now when someone asks "Aren't you afraid of that dragon?" you can proudly say "Not anymore."

The Dragon Mutilator can be yours for only $28, available at finer websites and flea markets everywhere.

Perverted Tales of the Teen Titans

Man, the Teen Titans creep me out. Like, every other page I come across a panel that makes me feel like a dirty voyeur. I don't need to know this much about the Titans and their kinky sexual escapades.

Cyborg builds a hologram projector, and this is the first thing he thinks of to do with it:

Then Dick adds to the mood:

Cyborg is just hanging in the back, waiting for the magic to start happening. Dick is not denying, or confirming, Donna's statement.

Changeling's sexual deviancies are even more disturbing:

Wow.

Titans Tower sees more action than the Playboy Mansion.

Doom is Happy to Repeat a Very Special Offer

Bully recently posted some fun old Marvel subscription ads. I have one to add. I think it's timely because it reminds us that, no matter how out-of-character Dr Doom was acting in the Fantastic Four movies...it could have been worse:


In other news, I got tagged with one of these meme things all the kids are talking about. It asks that I post eight random facts about myself. I don't usually divulge too much info about myself that isn't comic-related on this blog, so consider this a rare treat.

I don't wanna tag anyone. Is that ok? Will that make the world die? I'm in way over my head here.

Gather round. It's time to learn eight random facts about me.

1. As far as I can tell, my love of superheroes began with Mighty Mouse. I was insane about that mouse when I was three or four or so. I couldn't tell time, but I knew what the hands of the clock looked like when it was time for Mighty Mouse. At that same time, I was really into He-Man as well, until the episode where Skeletor turns He-Man into a statue. That scared the hell out of me. And I never watched it again.

2. My favourite drink is gin and tonic. Or a gin martini. Or a bucket of gin. Whatever.

3. I am a huge hockey fan, specifically of the Montreal Canadiens. As a kid, my hero was Patrick Roy. When I was twelve I got to meet him and I couldn't say a single word. It was like meeting Batman.

4. I had a joke published in Readers Digest when I was a kid. It was terrible. I got $40.

5. My last three boyfriends have been named 'Matt.' (You're next, Daredevil!)

6. I really hate eggs, mushrooms, mayonnaise, raw tomatoes and most seafood.

7. My last name is pronounced Go-gahn (like the artist Gaugain, but with a gross Eastern Canadian accent).

8. My roommate/boyfriend/best buddy Matthew has surprised me by purchasing a vintage Hammond organ, which got delivered to our apartment today. You can add keyboards to the long list of things that I am nerdy about. We loves us some keyboards. Now I can have live organ music serenading me while I post on this blog. My apartment sounds like Fenway. I love it.

This Week's Haul: Flash Dance

Well played, DC. Well played.

If you haven't read your comics yet this week, I'll just let you know that I am throwing down all sorts of spoilers here. You've been warned.

The Flash #13

It's the last issue of this series. It has the Black Flash on the cover. Carrying Bart's dead body. So anything that happens inside isn't much of a surprise.

In the grand tradition of making me like a character most just before he or she dies, I liked Bart a lot in this issue. He goes down fighting. Hard.

Sadly, it's not enough.

R.I.P. Bart Allan. We hardly understood ye.

Tim Drake is sad:
I thought that was pretty touching. Man that kid has seen a pile of death.

So that ends that run on The Flash. Mark Waid takes over soon, but with which Flash? The answer can only be found in JLA #10.

Justice League of America #10

Ow! I've got boobs in my eye!

Ok, before we get to the big reveal, a couple of items:

I liked the point made by Jay Garrick that he is not the fastest member of the combined teams:

Hal? Really? Also...where's Vixen? Apparently she can run as fast as a cheetah, which can run as fast as lightning. Also...Power Girl's shorts. They are stupid. I love Ed Benes' art, but I can't stand the cheesecake. Black Canary looks even worse:

Yes, Dinah. We do have a problem. This is what you choose to wear to the office.

With that all out of the way, let's get to the good stuff. I was on the edge of my seat for this whole issue. I was sure I knew what was going to happen, and who was going to come back. I mean, I think we all did. I was close...but not quite right:

Wally West?! I mean...I like Wally. I'm glad he's back. It's just...no, I'm glad he's back. I think Batman summed up my feelings in this adorable and heartbreaking panel:

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Who needs a cookie?

Again, Starman is great.

But seriously, I'm glad it's Wally. Of course I wanted to see Barry Allen (I spelled it right this time!) again. But he is one of those characters where I think his death is more important than the actual character. And Wally has been the Flash for almost as long as Barry was. He's our Flash. And he's a great character and I'm glad to see him back and a part of the JLA.

Yay for Wally!

Aw, who am I kidding? I wanted a tearful reunion/group hug with Barry, Hal and Batman. Though, I don't think we should give up on Barry coming back just yet. I think this was a fake-out. Barry will be back.

The real treat of this story was the confirmation that the Justice League and the Justice Society combined are no match for the Legion of Super Heroes.

Oh, and guess who's sticking around:


Countdown Week 45

I barely remember what happened in this. I did notice that Palmiotti and Gray were writing it for the second week in a row. And that it had a nice Benes cover with Karate Kid hanging with the JLA.

And this made me laugh out loud. Jimmy is dictating into a pocket recorder as he does some investigative jounalism:

And then he does spell out who the New Gods are, for the sake of his/DC's readers:

I love it. A double-page primer of who's who on Apokoplips and New Genesis. It's so ridiculous. Man, this series is so weird.

And just in case a New Gods roll call doesn't sexually excite the male readers, they threw in this:

So did you need to read Countdown to get the full death/return of The Flash story? Absolutely not. This entire issue was actually pretty damn forgettable. Unless you need to know who the New Gods are. And even if you do it's going to be wrong because Jimmy called the "Forever People" the "Tomorrow People" for whatever reason (possibly just to make Strange Adventures manager/New Gods superfan Dave Howlett's head explode).

The Brave and the Bold #4

Oh, hooray. I love this comic.

Last we saw Batman, he had been merged with Tharok:

I'm looking forward to seeing how he gets out of this one. But that will have to wait until next issue because this one focuses on Supergirl and Lobo.

I really like how well Supergirl handles herself around Lobo.

And I also enjoy her temper:

Especially Lobo's indifferent "Yep."

Plus, who would have expected a touching scene between the two of them like this one:

Supergirl is awesome in this series.

I love the crazy team-ups so far in this series. Supergirl and Lobo? Batman and Blue Beetle? Green Lantern and Supergirl? And next...Batman and the Legion of Super Heroes?! Awesome. I wish this comic came out every day.

The Incredible Hulk #107/Iron Man #19/Ghost Rider #12

No one is going to accuse the World War Hulk cross-over of moving too quickly.

I didn't read Heroes for Hire. Should I?

All three of these issues revisit the events of last week's World War Hulk #1, from different POVs. I really enjoyed the Hulk comic because it focused on his allies. It followed heroes (Hercules, Angel, Namora, and that really smart Amadeus Cho kid) and ordinary American citizens who are sympathetic to the Hulk, some of whom are even pro-Hulk killing everyone. Unfortunately for them, Hulk is not pro-anyone from Earth. And it's hard to convince him to listen.

So there's some fighting:

And it ends with this:

I like seeing sides getting formed, so it won't just be Hulk versus everyone. It makes sense that a lot of regular people would hate Iron Man and other superheroes after the Civil War.

As for Iron Man, this just gave his perspective on the battle from last week, with no new real information. I think that the point was to make him seem heroic and noble, but I still think he's a douche.

Watching all the Iron Man robots get smashed by Hulk's ship was cool:

Basically we got to see a lot of last week's comic with different art. Pretty art.

As for Ghost Rider, which is an odd tie-in, well...he's mostly just concerned about traffic problems as Manhattan is being evacuated. He has to make his own (awesome) detours:

Y'know, I haven't read a single issue of the new Ghost Rider series. In fact, I probably haven't read a Ghost Rider comic at all since I was twelve. I have to say, I kinda enjoyed this. I have no idea what Johnny plans on doing once he's gotten the Hulk's attention, but I doubt he'll be the one to bring the big guy down. Whatever happens, it's only going to last one more issue.

I like that art.

The Amazing Spider-Man #541/The Sensational Spider-Man #38/Fallen Son: Spider-Man

Before I get into this pile of Spider-Man (which only represents half of the Spider-Man comics to come out this week), I just want to make an obervation about Marvel.

I have figured out the fundamental problem with Marvel, and by problem, I mean reason why I don't like Marvel comics as much as DC comics. Marvel comics take place in the real world (read: current day America), and are determined to accurately capture that real world in their stories. So what happens when the real world is as bleak and depressing and tense as it is right now? You get non-stop Marvel wars, evil Iron Man, dead Captain America, and Spider-Man comics that make me want to commit suicide. Where is my escapism? Over at DC they are dealing with crazy, Earth-multiplying wackiness and bringing people back from the dead using lightning rods. And over at Marvel we have Sharon Carter in her bathroom with a gun in her mouth, and Peter Parker giving his dying aunt emergency blood transfusions.

Alright, so in Amazing Spider-Man, we have Peter Parker, not in costume, interrogating a guy. Then, by the time he's finished, he's in full costume:

So my question is: was Spider-Man changing his clothes while talking to this guy?

Sensational Spider-Man was actually really good. It was an Eddie Brock story, and it had fantastic art by Lee Weeks and Stefano Gaudiano.

Eddie is in the hospital dying of cancer (again: fun!) while being haunted by Venom. It was a Venom story and I liked it, so it must be pretty damn good.

Fallen Son is too depressing for words.

Argh. All I've got to say is thank God for Jeff Parker.

Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four #3

This series is so right for so many reasons. It's fun, it's hilarious, it's all-ages appropriate, it's clever...it's everything a Spider-Man comic should be. And everything a Fantastic Four comic should be. It's great. But there's only one issue left.

There were just so many fun moments. Spider-Man busting his honorary "4":

Dr Doom talking like Dr Doom should:

Dr Doom being kinda scared that Reed Richards is stumped by something:

Just a good time. For everyone.

Catwoman #68

Oh, Catwoman. I love you. Even if you comic is starting to get repetitive. I feel that it's about to go off in a bold new direction soon, though. It's always a good read, but lately I've felt that the larger story has been treading water a little. Now Holly is off to Metropolis in Countdown, and it looks like Batman might be showing up a bit in this comic again. He was mentioned in this issue.

Ha. Jupiter. Actually, Selina, depending on what you're reading, he's either chilling with the JLA and celebrating/mourning the return of Wally West, or he's joined bodies with Tharok and is a prisoner of the Legion of Super Heroes, or he is in the hospital after a convoluted adventure with the Metal Men, or he is just about to be shot by the Joker as Zatanna dies in front of him, or he is in Europe getting his groove back with a super model while trying to deal with the fact that he has an estranged son, or he is fighting off Amazons in D.C., or he is having Father's Day dinner with Tim. Just to name a few of the possibilities. Either way, he cannot come to the phone right now.

I also just want to mention that putting Selina's child in the middle of the road as she comes charging in a stolen police cruiser at top speed to stop the bad guys?

Hardcore.

Robin #163

When this comic is on its game, it can be as good as Catwoman. And that is high praise from me. This issue was on its game. First of all, it was adorable. They had me at Tim buying an engraved watch for Bruce for father's day. Secondly, it followed the Catwoman formula for fun: cute/entertaining opening scene, large fun battle against a ridiculous villain with lots of action and funny quips, cute/entertaining end scene.

I'm not saying that all comics need to be like this all the time, I'm just saying I like it when they are.

Cute opening scene:

Funny villains:

Fun fight scenes:

Alfred fretting about Tim not being home to make dinner like he promised. Bruce Wayne strolling into the kitchen just as a casual reminder that he is sexy:


Good stuff!

Captain America #27

This comic is so awesome. Seriously. I know I just went off on Marvel for being too serious lately, but I forgive all things Brubaker-related because they are PERFECT.

This issue had a whole lot of sexy, sexy Winter Soldier and his mission to steal back Cap's shield, and kill Tony Stark. I approve of both parts of this mission.

Here's a nice scene at the National History Museum's Captain America memorial exhibit in Washington:

We also learn that, while in Russia, Bucky was getting some action from Natalia Romanova.

Nice! Too bad she's working for Stark now.

And if hot Winter Soldier action doesn't turn your crank, how about Sharon's new outfit?

Something for everyone!

I am really not giving this comic the respect it deserves. But, really, who doesn't know that it's a frigging masterpiece?

Aquaman #53

This comic just gets better and better.

For one thing, Manta is totally awesome.



Ha! "Attention, beloved trembling citizens!" Just a perfectly-written villain.

Actually, every character is totally awesome. And the story is great. Each issue is packed with tons of great dialoge and interesting plot developments. It's one of those comics where you can kind of trust that there is a solid plan for the story arc, and that they are going to do a good job telling it. I heard that this title is in danger of being canceled, and I, for one, will be miserable if that happens. Anyone who loves Jeff Smith's Shazam series should love this.

Plus, Manta gets his face bitten off:

And the shark that did it? Awesome.

Alright, I'm feeling under the weather and I am tired of writing. I also really enjoyed The Legion of Super Heroes in the 31st Century #3, and Marvel Adventures Iron Man #2. Two high quality all-ages comics that were great-looking, entertaining, and funny.

Rating the Super Hunks #10: Cyclops

Time to rate another super hunk. I'm shopping in the Marvel universe this week and have chosen the fearless, somewhat weinerish leader of the X-Men...

Cyclops, aka Scott Summers

Costume/Appearance: The question that we have to ask ourselves when rating Cyclops' costume is: which one? This guy has worn a lot of costumes over the years, rivaling even the number of women that he's bedded.

I think we'll dismiss the original costume for the sake of rating his hunkiness, because it was a standard issue X-Men uniform that he shared with his teammates. I'm also ignoring Ultimate Cyclops, because that's just how I roll. When I was a kid I thought the very bright blue and yellow 90s suit was very cool. Though, now that I am older and it is no longer the nineties. I think the straps all over his chest and shoulders are pretty ugly.

It was similar to the eighties suit, but didn't have the swashbuckling boots that I find so silly-looking. Basically I like the boots and hair-revealing of the nineties, plus the simplicity of the eighties. If we could combine all that, we'd have a nice costume.

The Morrison run on New X-Men had him in a pretty stylish leather get-up, with a big yellow X on the jacket.

And in the new Astonishing X-Men series, he's lookin' superfly in his mostly black skin-tight wetsuit thing:
Except I don't approve of the skullcap. I like hair being tossed around in battle.

The consistent factor here is the red visor, which is very cool. Always. Also cool: when not in costume, Scott always has to wear stylish red sunglasses. Or the visor. Either way: cool.

Scott generally is, and always has been, a very attractive man. I've especially enjoyed him lately in Astonishing with his constant stubble. It shows that he's loosening up a bit. Or going crazy. Either way, it looks good.

Unfortunately for Scott, he is usually standing next to an X-Men teammate who is a little dreamier than himself (Angel, Colossus...some would argue Wolverine. I wouldn't).

He's got your basic, rugged, all-American good looks. And a nice messy hairdo.

8/10

Personality: The thing about Cyclops is that he has grown on me as I have aged. When I was young, Cyclops was always the lame X-Man. And he was supposed to be. He's like Leonardo: the stick-in-the-mud, responsible leader type who frowns on everyone else's fun. He has almost no personality. But as an adult I now have a growing respect for Scott Summers. He really did have to lead team after team of annoying weirdos.

But it's not like he did it without complaining. Dude is emo to the max. To the point that, even though he certainly will sleep with you, you're better off not doing it because you're just going to feel like you're taking advantage. He is perpetually on the re-bound for a woman who is perpetually turning into the Phoenix and dying.

But the dude gets around. He's your classic can't-ever-be-alone-for-one-second guy, jumping from one relationship to the next and falling deeply in love until he sees another girl.

Is any of this sexy? Not really. Add to it the fact that there is kind of an ominous borderline psychoticness that I feel lurks just below Scott's deceivingly dull surface, and you're looking at a guy who is getting points deducted.

6/10

Day Job: He's currently the headmaster of the Xavier Academy, along with being the leader of the X-Men. Aside from this, he is also an expert pilot, which is always sexy.

9/10

Sexiness of Powers: There is nothing particularly sexy about having uncontrollable deadly blasts shoot out of your eyes. But it does look cool.

The main reason why Cyclops' power isn't sexy is because he loathes it so much. Superpowers are only sexy if you enjoy them.

Although...

6/10

Cons: Beyond the already mentioned facts that Scott is kinda boring, very needy, very emo, and perhaps more than a little crazy, Scott doesn't have too many glaring flaws. He's a good leader who is usually respected by his teammates. Even the ones he doesn't sleep with. I'm still deleting points for all of the above, though.

- 4

Final Score: 25/40

Sorry, Scott. I tried to defend you, but you have so many glaring faults it's difficult. There's no shame in 25. It's a passing grade.

Solicitation Mania!

New DC Fall Solicitations!

Let's have a looksee:

Who in hell is going to buy the Batman Confidential hardcover?

I don't even know anyone who is buying the issues.

Hey, look what's gonna be a poster!

A little something to spruce up the ol' steam room. (I wish I had a steam room).

On the flip side, this is going to be a poster:


Batman can punch you in the face every single night before bed, and every morning when you wake up!

Awesome covers ahead:

This one, for Superman Confidential #8, is so beautiful that I want to cry. It also makes me really happy about the future of this comic:

Here's another beauty (The Spirit #10):

Here is what they are saying about Aquaman #56:

Further revelations abound concerning the murky past of the new Aquaman as he steps forward to embrace his future. He’d better get used to people calling him “Aquaman,” because it seems he’ll be around for a long time in the DCU! Find out why in this issue!

You've got my attention, DC.

More McGuinness-inspired Superman/Batman figures. Composite Superman/Batman!!! (My ideal husband):

There's a lot of awesome ahead from DC, it looks like (and I don't mean those action figures above). I am especially excited about the amount of work that J. Torres is going to be getting. Having him write a new Wonder Girl mini-series? Brilliant!

Oh, and this is weird:

COUNTDOWN PRESENTS THE SEARCH FOR RAY PALMER: WILDSTORM #1
Written by Ron Marz
Art by Paco Herrera
Cover by Arthur Adams
The Search for Ray Palmer truly kicks into high gear, as Kyle Rayner, Donna Troy and Jason Todd scour the Multiverse for the former Atom, who just might hold the key to saving reality from a crisis of unparalleled proportions. The trio's first stop: the Wildstorm Universe, where they come face-to-face with an entirely different -- and entirely more lethal -- brand of heroes. Wildstorm's finest are all here, including The Authority and Gen13, and they don't prepare a warm welcome for their visitors! The tour of the new DC Multiverse begins here!

Wildstorm Universe, eh? Huh.

Ann = Awesome

Sometimes you find an old comic that you want, but the kid who used to own it wrote on the cover, and it kind of sucks.

But sometimes it's kind of awesome.

My Spoiler-Free Mini-Review of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Silver Surfer! Whoosh!

I had a really good time at this movie, but I am of the camp that didn't hate the first one. I thought that Iaon Gruffudd stepped it up as Reed Richards, and Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis continued to be great. My only complaints were Sue Storm's eye make-up, which was ridiculously trampy, and just plain bad-looking, for the entire movie, and Dr Doom, who still sucked.

The problem with Dr Doom, besides the fact that the writers took some serious liberties with the character, is that Julian McMahon really, really phones him in. It's like, he gets to play Dr Doom in a movie, and he could care less. It's depressing. His Doom voice (or lack thereof) is so distracting. He does, however, have more costume changes than Cher on her farewell tour.

These are two fairly minor problems with a movie that, overall, was fun, cool-looking, and entertaining. It's an honest-to-God superhero movie with crazy comic book action. Plus, and this is a little spoilery, Stan Lee plays himself in the movie. It made my mind explode.

I'm happy to chat about the specifics of the movie in the safety zone of the comment thread.

Let's Rap!

In 1970, DC got its two squarest heroes to convince kids to fill out a survey.

"Let's Rap!" says Superman, fooling no one.

You can jive talk all you want, Supes. It only makes you look older.

We dig, Superman.

"Groovy?" Take another hit, you hippy!

Anyway, let's see what "groovy" things kids can choose from.

Wait, I'm sorry. What was that?

Yup, wedged right in there between Pollution and Space Flights.

Also of note on that list, Sports - which one (with nowhere to write which one) and Astrology. Not astronomy. Astrology. I would like to read a comic that involves everything on that list. Black astrologists who fly into space to solve city and national problems like pollution. Also, they play sports and fall in love. And have hobbies. (Hobbies is so vague. I love it).

It's worth reading the rest of that survey too.

Comic Shop Love

It's time to celebrate comics once again with the results of another contest. A couple of weeks ago I asked people to send me photos of their favourite comic shop. Specifically, themselves holding their favourite comic in their favourite comic shop. Or their favourite comic shop employee holding their favourite comic. Or whatever.

Here's what I got!

Chris Haley sends photos of Comics & Collectibles in Memphis, TN. (Oh Memphis, how I long to visit you). As Chris notes in his email, the shop uses the classic Fantastic Four font. Nice!

Here's Chris holding All-Star Superman:

And here's his favourite shop clerk, Sean, holding X-Factor:

They are dressed the same. I can't help but notice that.

Dave Prosser wrote a lovely tribute to his favourite shop in this blog entry. It's Bizarro Wuxtry, in yet another legendary music town, Athens, Georgia.

Sadly, Dave had to move away from his beloved comic shop. It looks like a seriously hip shop.

Kevin Johns takes liberties with the definition of "comic shop" by sending a photo of himself and Z-Cult FM. That's not even an online store! That's an online stealing place!

Anyway, he likes Daredevil. Stolen Daredevil.

Christina sends photos of Acme Superstore in, I believe, Orlando Florida.

Here she is reading Transformers under a big Spiderman.

I like the look of those barstools. I could loiter for hours on one of those!

Here's her friend Colleen holding Sandman, under a giant Batman.

Ivonne likes Runaways (and punching):

And here's all three of them, with some more fave selections:

Jurassic Park comic! Awesome! (Man, someone was asking about those in the store the other day).

Oh, and Cuddle Pillow Batman likes Countdown, because, as Christina says, "it's how he keeps up with Joker."

Heather did a livejournal post about her favourite shop, Comic Oasis in Las Vegas (Man, does everyone live somewhere cooler than me?). You can read it here. And here's some of the pictures:

Her favourite comic is Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane (yay!):

Here's the owner, Derrick, and some of the staff (Charles, Holly and Margo).

And another interior shot that shows the vastness of the Comic Oasis:

Mike, (Batmanisgrim) sent some pictures of Bullseye Cards and Comics, which is sadly now closed. I believe it was in NYC, but I'm actually not sure.

Here's the owner, Rich:

It looks like they had a lot of selection:


Mike also says that his very favourite store was called The Memory Bank, and he wrote this about it:

The best comic book shop I have ever been to and ever will were owned by two sisters. They were around for twenty years and at one point they opened a second store and each sister ran each store. The store was called The Memory Bank and the reason for that was for they would give you coupons based on how much you spent. Those coupons could be used to buy anything in the store. I was really close to the sister that ran the store near me. I was one of her better customers, so she would give me free boxes and good deals on items. I considered her to be a friend. When the new comics would come in, she would even call me to tell me so. When I first started going to the store, it was at a time when comics would come out on Tuesday and Wednesday then it went exclusively to Wednesdays. Then one day Vicky called me from her home and it wasn't Wednesday. She was in a car with her sister, Mona, and a drunk driver hit their car. Vicky had broken her leg and she watched her sister die beside her.
The reason she was calling me was to tell me that she would have the comics when she recovered. Of course I told her that she had more important things to worry about and that I was loyal to her. The second store had to be closed and four months later I went back when the original store had reopened. On that day I purchased four months of comics in one day. Add this to the fact that I also bought my friend's comics it was quite a comic book bill that day. The only comic I missed was Nightwing Huntress #1, which I did purchase a few months ago at the NY Comic Con.I went to the store for another four years and that was how long it took for the lawsuit against the drunk driver to go through. Once she received her settlement she decided it was time to close up shop. Once that shop closed, that was the end of the greatest comic book shop I will ever know. Before I went to her store she used to have art contests among the patrons. The winner of one of her contests was Joe Madureira. She gave me the winning entry.

And finally, we have the winner of the contest, which was scientifically chosen by drawing names out of a hat. Jon Hex sends photos and writes about Big Monkey Comics in Washington DC.

Here he is, being indecisive and holding Batman and All-Star Superman (I guess he's deciding on Grant Morrison).

Nice shirt!

Big Monkey Comics is owned by Scipio of The Absorbascon. Here he is hosting a Quiz Bowl:

From what I can tell, Big Monkey hosts lots of things, like Heroclix tournaments and podcast recordings.

Here's another pic from that Quiz Bowl that shows the store manager, Devon, who writes the Seven Hells! Blog:

And here are some of the staff recommendations, nicely presented:

Congrats, Mr Hex. You have a copy of The Spirit #1 a-comin' your way, signed by Darwyn Cooke! It's compliments of Strange Adventures.

Thanks everyone for sending me your photos and sharing. Yay for comic book shops, a safe haven for nerds everywhere! Possibly the only place where you can go and confidently think "Well, at least I'm not as nerdy as that guy."

This Week's Haul: I Wanna Hear You Scream!

I think that Marvel beat DC this week. Also unprecedented: I read more Marvel titles than DC this week. I read Avengers #31 because of all the hype, and because it's a title that I've been mostly following. I'm not going to review it because the big ol' surprise didn't mean that much to me. I mean, I get it. I just don't know if I care.

Again I have failed to get caught up on Green Lantern Corps. Bah. And I haven't read the Avengers Classic #1 comic yet, but it looks like fun.

World War Hulk #1

Oh hell yes. This was not only very fun and exciting, it was also tremendously satisfying. I love that Marvel understands that what fans really want to see right now is each of their biggest heroes having the holy living shit kicked out of them. THEY ALL DESERVE IT.

This premise is so great. Hulk gets shot into space by the Illuminati, Hulk figures shit out, gets really angry, and comes back to Earth with a list of names and his murder clothes on. The Illuminati realize he's coming back and are like "Oh, Jesus."

Here he comes:

He makes a quick stop on the Moon first to have a chat with Illuminati punching bag #1, Black Bolt. I know we all saw this scene in Marvel Previews months ago, but seriously. It's the greatest.

So. Awesome.

The next time we see Black Bolt, Hulk is holding his battered body up for all the world to see as a warning. Not bad, Hulk.

He lands in Manhattan to tell Earth a little story...about how everyone is going to die.

So Manhattan gets evacuated, and Iron Man puts on an enormous suit in preparation for battle. It does not go well for Iron Man, despite the massive missile strike that rains down on Hulk. It turns out that Hulk does not like missiles, and what doesn't kill him literally makes him stronger. Iron Man is afraid.

Is there anything more satisfying than this:

Nope.

Marvel has what could potentially be the perfect summer blockbuster crossover series. It's fun, it's straightforward, it involves a lot of characters, but pretty much only the biggest and most recognizable ones. There are quite a few issues on the checklist if you want to read everything, but not nearly as many as most cross-overs. Plus, the story is probably not going to get that complicated. ("So, I missed it. What did Hulk do to Professor X?" "Oh, he smashed him.").

I am all the way down with this series. Don't prove me wrong, Marvel. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Countdown Week 46

I don't say it enough, so I'm saying it now: Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray are awesome and deserve all the high fives in the world. Jonah Hex is one of my favourite comics, but it's one of the ones that usually gets bumped when I am deciding which comics to write reviews of.
I wish I could get into Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters as a concept, because I love their writing so much, but I just get confused and frightened when I read those comics.

What I am saying is, good writing is saving Countdown, which is teetering on the brink of just being a total mess. Every issue has whole pages that I just don't understand, but there are little pockets of radness too. The beauty of these weekly books is that they take characters that I otherwise don't really think about, like, say, Piper and Trickster, and make me love them. Let's hear it for minor characters!

Hey, look who Jimmy runs into:

It's our old pal, Sleez! Porno agent to the stars! I have no idea what he's doing here, or what is going on, but it seems that Jimmy doesn't either, so that's cool.

Mary Marvel (Black Mary?) has also run into a disgusting weirdo. He is the harvester of stillborn souls, and he's made of dead babies. It's really gross.

Oh, Fredric Wertham. Were you only alive to see this.

Moving on, there's a great Reservoir Dogs-style scene with the Flash Rogues:

As usual, the Rogues scene is the best part of the comic. I would love a comic that is just called Rogue Gallery Follies that follows these guys around.

Watch as they bet on each other in fights:

Aw, Trickster is betting on Piper. That's nice.

Watch as Inertia drinks a shot off Mirror Master's frozen fist!

That's just awesome.

Oh, some stuff happens with Donna and Jason and the Monitors too.

Green Arrow #75

Final issue!

Mostly it's just a cool fight that pits Mia and Connor against Drakon, and Oliver and Dinah against Deathstroke. It almost ends badly for everyone:

Hardcore, Deathstroke.

Fortunately for Green Arrow (and, kinda unfortunately for the readers), the ENTIRE Justice League shows up and puts a stop to the fight. I just...aw forget it. The book is done.

So Oliver resigns as Mayor of Star City, and symbolically tears down the wall that has been dividing his city since the City Walls series. This is where the writing starts to get very cheesy:

And what do the arrows do to the wall?

I'm sorry, Batman invented what? The concept here is so insane that I can't decide if I love it or hate it. A big part of me can't help but love the idea of Batman in his lab, on the phone with Ollie, saying "Wall, eh? I might have just the thing to take care of that. Now, a lesser man might tell you to just tear it down, but let me ask you, Oliver, how do you the citizens of Star City feel about getting unexpectedly buried in a massive wave of sweet-smelling water?"

And then, gazing down at Star City with its new rivers of milk and honey, and soggy residents, Oliver asks Dinah to marry him. But we don't get to find out the answer until the Black Canary mini-series. Bah. (I'm putting good money on "Yes").

Sub-Mariner #1

If you can get past the cover (this may take awhile), this is a pretty good comic.

Oh, Namor. You don't just rule Atlantis. You rule everything. You just rule.

Iron Man is involved in yet another tense situation, this time with Atlantis as a potential enemy. A town in Kansas gets blown up, and there are victims with gills carved in their necks and traces of Atalantean DNA on the bodies. This all points to Namor, the sharp-dressed Prince of Atlantis, and full-time human-hating snob. Iron Man calls him up:

I really like that little emotional slip-up where Namor calls Iron Man 'Tony.' Very nice.

Namor is pissed. He gathers up his council and drills them for information. They aren't saying anything, which makes Namor angry.

He ends up killing a guy when he learns that he has betrayed him. It turns out that there are a number of Atlanteans who want to destroy the surface world, and they are responsible for the recent attack. Namor is not happy about this, especially since it means America, lead by S.H.I.E.L.D. is going to war against Atlantis in response.

It's a comic full of war, treachery, and political intrigue! And it ends with Namor putting his battle suit on. This could be fun. I'm glad he has his own title again. Obviously it's important if the Sub-Mariner movie is actually getting made.

Justice #12

It takes me a really long time to read an issue of this series. This is not only because there is a lot of art to look at, but because it's very hard to follow. I really liked this series, though. It's definitely a little heavy-handed in places, and overly nostalgic and glowing, with the whole "We are heroes. We are here to save the world. We are the the perfect line-up of beautiful, perfect heroes. See how we shine! You are hideous by comparison! Your comic books are also hideous by comparison, with their bastard heroes of today. Your Flash is garbage! Barry Allan is a beautiful glowing ball of perfection! When he returns you will not be fit to receive him!"

Hal is looking good:

Ray's looking good:

Bruce is looking good:

Arthur is looking really good:

Yum.

Wonder Woman, not so much:

Yargh! Put it back on!

I thought the scene where Superman was giving Zatanna mouth-to-mouth was really sweet.

I especially love how he reminds himself to be gentle when trying to get her heart started. Zatanna looks very cute in this series.

Well, that's the end of that. Twelve issues, two years. It was good. I liked it. Even if it made my brain hurt.

Betty & Veronica Double Digest #152

Alright, I have to admit. This is just terrible.

The thing is, they have updated the art without updating the writing. The kids are all super lame, with super lame jokes and insults. They are into super lame things, and maybe it's because I also read the very good Re-Gifters this week, but there is nothing even vaguely realistic about this high school drama. I'm not saying that there needs to be, but it seems that they are going for that, and failing. Hard.

Ok, so last we left the gang, Veronica had a new "bad boy" boyfriend named Nick. Nick is superbad. How bad? Check this out:

Chicken noises! Badasssss!! (oh, and check out Moose, Jughead and Dilton as they make their updated debut. I like that they kept the crosshatching in Archie's hair, too).

He loves this gag:

Good one, Nick! Did you learn that one on the streets?

Well, Reggie liked it:

At least, I assume that's Reggie.

As usual, the best character is Dilton. I love Dilton. So much.

Seriously. Somebody date that guy. Betty, I'm looking at you.

Re-Gifters

Minx does it again! Another delightful, intelligent all-ages book that starred a cool, realistic teenage girl. Boiled down, it's a romance story, as it centers on the massive crush that the lead character, a Korean-American high school girl named Dixie, has on a boy named Adam. The reader can tell pretty much immediately that Adam is not worth Dixie's affections, but that's just the way these things go in high school. Who hasn't had an all-encompassing crush on a complete idiot? Especially as a teenager.

I liked this book because it didn't omit any of the completely embarrassing, and, again, absolutely realistic things that a teen girl does when she has a crazy crush on someone. Her actions and thoughts were so familiar, that I wanted to bury my face in a pillow several times while reading this. Not bad, considering the entire creative team is male.

Mike Carey, who is better known for his...not quite all ages appropriate work at Vertigo...creates a likable, layered character with Dixie. She's a black belt in Hapkido, she has an Orlando Bloom poster on her bedroom wall and a Kill Bill alarm clock, she's tough, and she makes some bad decisions. The book is funny, and the art, by Sonny Liew and Mark Hempel suits the writing really well. Good stuff, Minx!

No Super Hunk This Week

I'm very sorry. I was trying to find time to rate a super hunk, but I've been very busy lately with other things. Too busy for super hunks. It's terrible.

Instead I'll share this letter with you, from issue #80 of Superman's Girl Friend Lois Lane.

I don't know what the worst part is: that Tim Toth of Calgary asked, or that the editor answered.

Actually, the worst part is everything.

Just so you know, this is what prompted his letter:

Tim, if you like that hot action, you might want to check out a little comic called Archie.

Contest Reminder and Fun With Iron Man

Just a quick reminder that there are only two days left to email me some photos of your favourite comic book shop. All contributors will be entered to win a copy of the fabulous first issue of The Spirit, signed by Darwyn Cooke.

I just watched Fantastic Four again, so I'm all set for Rise of the Silver Surfer this Friday. It will be great.

I was thinking about the upcoming Iron Man movie today, and you know what's going to be really great about it?

The Milk ads.

And Now The Moondancers!

I've been known to complain about the current Superman/Batman series, because it is so crappy. But sometimes you just gotta pull out an old issue of World's Finest to remind yourself that it wasn't all solid gold either.

This issue is many things, but mainly:

a) Melodramatic
b) Ridiculous
c) Romantic

It takes place during that angst-ridden time when Batman and Superman broke up and Batman formed the Outsiders with his new loser friends ("I don't need you, Superman! I've got...Geo-Force! And Halo!").

Alright, so in fair Cape Canaveral, where we lay we scene, our star-crossed lovers are sad:

Superman is thinking that, though he isn't too fond of Batman of late, he doesn't really want him to die. It's really beautiful:

And why is Batman dying? Cause of these bitches:

Who wants to be the Moondancers for Halloween with me?! I call Harvest Moon! (And, for the record, the lone black Moondancer is called 'New Moon,' but her powers are ice-based because she represents the dark side of the moon. For real).

These ladies spray Batman with some weird moon virus.

And help they (Nasa scientists/the army) get, in the form of Batman's ex-best friend, Superman. Awk-ward.

But Superman sees Batman's lifeless body and rises above their petty differences with this bit of angst-ridden soul-searching:
God, I could look at that panel of them having coffee together all day.

Anyway, in the few hours or so that Batman is sick, Gotham City goes to hell. Even more so.

Wow. That...that's a real mess you got there, Gotham. This is what Bruce Wayne would see if he ever did the It's A Wonderful Life thing with his guardian angel.

So, as you can imagine, Commissioner Gordon is also missing Batman, and hoping for his speedy recovery. It's touching:

This is why Gotham is a hopeless mess. It's police officers get distracted by shooting stars. "And look down there, Commissioner! A tank is busting through a bank wall and over some police cruisers!"

Meanwhile, Superman is flying around space looking for a cure for Batman's alien virus. He finds one in a comet somehow. It's not important. He rushes back to Earth with it, and then whips together this little contraption:

What does it do? I don't know. But get ready for a fantastic panel of Superman watching...and waiting!

"Come on...come on! Go, respiration, go!"

Guess what? It works. And it makes for an uncomfortable, and adorable, reunion:

Superman flies off to do stuff so Batman can sleep. But he leaves him unattended, and guess who strolls in:

You suck, Superman.

Superman's living it up in Gotham, putting the fear of God back into the hearts of criminals. One thing he does is disconnect the fuse of a bomb some crooks are using to blow up a bank vault. It's awesome:

And then he chills with Gordon for a second, who still doesn't seem to be doing much about the whole explosion of crime that is tearing his city apart:

I think he may just have said to hell with it and hit the bottle. "Thanks, shooting star! I'll keep the faith!"

Alright, so Superman decides to maybe check in on his sick pal, who happens to have been knocked unconscious by the Moondancers.

"We've got to find them, and fast! But first I have to go back and get my gloves!"

As it turns out, the Moondancers are anti-nuclear activists who feel that their means justifies their end. But who really cares? Let's watch Superman and Batman kick their asses:

Er, well. Just Batman, then.

That's about all you need to see of that story. Except maybe these panels of Batman climbing and straddling a giant phallus:


EPILOGUE:

The Moondancers made a final appearance in Grant Morrison's Animal Man #25 in that comic book limbo place for forgotten characters:

Good riddance.

This Week's Haul: Batman's Magical Mystery

Sorry this week's is a little late. I had a lot of stuff to read. I don't have time to review everything, so I'll just say that Jonah Hex, Scalped, and The Initiative were all really good. I haven't gotten to the Simpsons Summer Shindig yet.


Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane #19

Everything is always a little bit better whenever a new issue of Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane comes out.

Look at how cute!!!:

Ok, so in this issue it becomes clear that Flash has some personal problems because he's tired all the time. Harry continues to be a pretty big jerk. And MJ helps both Flash and Spider-Man, because she is awesome.

But what I love is that she does it on her own time. This scene, where she politely declines Spider-Man's request for her to listen to his problems, is fantastic:

Yeah! When Spider-Man says 'jump,' MJ says 'maybe later.' I love it!

Eventually they do meet to talk about Spidey's girl troubles. He's conflicted because Firestar wants them to reveal their identities to each other. It's a thinly-veiled euphemism for 'going all the way.'

The tension is killing me!!!

Detective Comics #833

Well this was exciting! Lots of fun with a twist ending that I won't give away. I really haven't liked Kramer's art on this entire run, but I thought this issue looked really good.

I like stories that pair up Batman and Zatanna because magic makes him so uncomfortable. I thought the back story about them as kids was cute.

Lately their relationship has been made more interesting after the whole mind-wiping incident in Identity Crisis. I am hoping that after this two-part story the bad blood between them will be resolved.
The All-New Atom #12

I laughed out loud so many times while reading this. Starting with the first page:

Gail Simone rules. I love Ryan Choi so much. I love the quotes that pop up throughout every issue (including one by Brian Posehn in this one!). I love everything that Ryan says and everything he thinks.

I love the supporting characters, especially the floating head that is now his roommate.

People that aren't reading this are missing out. It is hilarious.

Nightwing #133

Beautiful cover by Ryan Sook.

Inside we had a whole lot of Dick being dumb. Y'know, everyone gives Hal a hard time for being kinda stupid and always thinking with his crotch, but I would argue that Nightwing is worse.

In this issue he meets up with an old flame, and pretty much loses his mind. I mean, seriously. We get pages and pages of this thought process:

I want to remind you that this is abridged. There were seriously pages of this, ending with this one:
"I like pie."

Dick, you're an idiot. This weakness for females is a serious handicap. I can't even imagine. Like, I like cheeseburgers, but I'm not all Don't eat it. It will crush you, just like before. Smells so good. Meat. Meat and cheese. It smells like meat and cheese. Don't eat it.

Pull yourself together, Dick.

Midnighter #8

Awwwwwwwwwwww!!!

This issue starts with Midnighter being his usual badass self, killing a dude in a horrible, horrible way. Which leads to this very funny panel:

Hawksmoor decides that Midnighter needs to work on his human relation skills. He wants Midinghter to try helping an ordinary citizen with an ordinary problem.

Hee!!!

He does find her cat, after what turns out to be a fairly Midnighter-ish adventure involving a mad scientist who is turning housepets into bionic super-pets. We get this adorable scene at the end:
This very fun issue was written by Christos Gage, and the artwork, by John Paul Leon, was really nice. I like the Midnighter comics because the character is almost a blank slate. Creators can kind of go crazy coming up with things for him to do.

Justice League Unlimited #34

Do you know what I like about the JLU comics? This:

Blue Beetle! Hanging with Booster! All the characters are here in soothing, uncomplicated forms.
I always check out the JLU comic every month, and some are more interesting than others. This was a good one. It involved Superman confronting Zod in the Phantom Zone. And it ended with this, which you won't find at the end of any other comic:

They made a banner!!!

Man, that gang is so cute.

Countdown Week 47

Sean McKeever steps up to the plate this time, and I thought the results were far better than any previous issue of Countdown. I haven't been hating the series as much as a lot of people, but I am aware that it's a bit of a letdown after 52.

There were some really interesting and fun moments in this issue, like the business with Black Adam giving Mary his powers:

Huh.

And I LOVED the conversation between Pied Piper and The Trickster.

I find these two so charming. That's just some well-written dialogue. I'm excited that McKeever has joined team DC.

Supergirl #18

??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no idea what's going on here, but I know I don't like it.

Gross!

Well, at least I agreed with one thing:

Birds of Prey #107

Alright. Let's see what it's like when women fight each other and it doesn't suck.

Awesome!

Things actually ended pretty nicely for most of the Birds of Prey/Secret Six battles. Huntress and Catman went back to flirting:

Barda and Knockout called a truce and shook hands as a display of mutual respect:

Ice was back to normal, all sweet and nice and alive:

And Deadshot is still awesome:

Superman #663

This issue was clearly supposed to have come out before last week's Countdown, and before Lightray's death. They cover it up with one of those little "This story occurs prior to Countdown #48" boxes. But let's not quibble over scheduling problems. Let's instead focus on how awesome it is watching Superman use his teeth to rope up a bunch of meddling kids with heavy cable:

I don't know if I've ever seen Superman carry anything in his mouth before. Huh. Neat.

In this issue Superman is still troubled by the prophecy handed to him by Arion: that the presence of himself and other aliens was going to lead to the ultimate destruction of the human race. While he broods over this, a bunch of pesky kids from New Genesis are creating chaos all over Metropolis. It's kinda funny.

Lightray tells Superman to take the night off, promising that he'll make sure the kids clean up their mess. Supes reluctantly agrees and takes Lois to Maine, which is pretty awesome. Unfortunately, he can't stop thinking about that damn prophecy, and about how Arion has told him that he has to stop being Superman.

Man, how late do the antique shops stay open in Maine?

So that was Lois' opinion. Supes also gets one from an oddly-dressed Lana:

I was into that. The other options for a man with Superman's powers, if he has to quit the hero game.

I was also into how beautiful Pacheco's art is:

Pretty...

Pretty...

Rating the Super Hunks #9: Animal Man

As I said yesterday, this week's super-hunk is the lovable

Buddy Baker, aka Animal Man

Soon to be appearing in the insanely-titled Countdown to Adventure series.

Costume/Appearance: Orange is a tough colour to pull off. Teaming it with royal blue is daring. Adding triangular goggles sounds like it would definitely be going too far. But somehow Animal Man makes all of this work. I think it's the black (blue?) jacket. It breaks up all the orange and makes the whole thing look tougher.

The dark gloves are also a nice touch.

It's a very tight costume, and the lack of shorts makes it rather revealing. Buddy said that he decided to add the jacket because he was embarrassed wearing such a tight costume, but he really covered up the wrong half.

Or, the right half.

We know that I always approve of a costume that doesn't cover a hero's hair. I'm glad Buddy went that route, utilizing the Booster Gold-style headpiece that protects his ears from windburn while flying, but still allows his golden locks to toss playfully in the breeze.

Sans costume, Buddy is a nice-looking guy with blonde floppy hair and blue eyes. Unfortunately, he's been the victim of some pretty bad art. Plus his glory years were the unattractive late 80s/early 90s. But if you ignore all this, he's a looker.

8/10

Personality: The thing about Buddy is that he's not the most awesome hero, or the coolest guy, but he's a nice guy without being a giant wiener. Actually, he is pretty cool. For him being a super hero is a job, and he does it to support his family because he happens to have super powers, and he may as well use them. I like that attitude. Unfortunately he gets a little preachy with the animal rights stuff and the vegetarianism, but I blame Grant Morrison.

Buddy is a pretty sane and stable guy, considering he's been through the ringer, mentally, a few times. It's not his fault he was chosen to be a Vertigo character, and as a result has had to see a lot of messed up shit. But he's handled it all very well and continues to have a great attitude, and a good sense of humour.

And do I love the name 'Buddy Baker'? Yes I do.

Buddy is also a family man, which is a pretty important aspect of his character. Not only does he have a wife and two kids, he also doesn't have a secret identity. He's an interesting case, that Animal Man.

I really like that he listens to music while he flies. He's basically an aged hipster, and I think that's fun.

8/10

Day Job: Full-Time hero. (Actually, more like part-time).

8/10

Sexiness of Powers: Buddy can take on the abilities of any animal in his vicinity. More often then not, the results are more gross than sexy. But it does mean that, in most circumstances, he's pretty damn powerful.
He can fly, he has super strength and speed, he can breathe underwater, and he can stink like a skunk. His powers really aren't very sexy, but still sexier than no powers.

7/10

Cons: He's a vegetarian. And he's married. With kids.

- 2


Final Score: 31/40

Woah, does that tie him up with Hal Jordan? It does! Good work, Buddy. You'd be a better boyfriend than Hal any day. And your hair would be fun to rumple.

Marvel Check-In

As I have mentioned before in this blog, one of my resolutions for 2007 was to gain an appreciation for Marvel comics. I thought that, since we're now at the half-way point of the year (yikes!), I should check in and post how that journey is going.

Here are the stats:

Marvel I was reading before, and am still enjoying:

Runaways
Astonishing X-Men
Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane

Marvel titles added to pull list:

Captain America
Daredevil
Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four
Iron Fist

Marvel Titles I've been reading and enjoying somewhat, but not committing to:

The New Avengers
The Incredible Hulk
Interesting-looking Spider-Man annuals
Avengers: The Initiative
Marvel Adventures: Iron Man

Other Marvel stuff I read that was good:

- Young Avengers
- Daredevil: Born Again
- Captain America: War & Remembrance
- Iron Man: Demon in a Bottle
- Morrison run on New X-Men

Things I've read or have been reading that aren't so hot:

- Civil War
- Fallen Son
- The Amazing Spider-Man
- Wolverine

Marvel things that I will never care about:

- Anything involving zombies
- Anything 'Ultimate'
- Fairy Tales
- Most X-Men things (except those First Class books! Those are great!)
- Dark Tower
- Anita Blake
- Anything that takes place in 1602.
- Ms Marvel
- Venom
- Most Spider-Man things

Things that make it hard for me to like Marvel:

- expensive "collectible" variant covers (particularly ones that are blank)
- again, the zombies

New words in my vocabulary:

- Illuminati
- Skrull
- Winter Soldier
- Galactus
- MODOK
- Power Pack
- New Warriors
- Great Lakes Avengers
- Kree
- Moon Knight
- Quicksilver

Things that I still don't know anything about:

- Thunderbolts
- Nextwave
- Black Panther
- The Kree/Skrull War
- The Silent War
- The Secret Wars
- Any and All Spider-Girls
- Omega Flight
- The House of M
- Nova

New Marvel Crushes:

- Winter Soldier
- Daredevil
- Iron Fist
- Luke Cage
- Captain America
- Namor

Characters I would like to get to know better:

- Thor
- She-Hulk
- Hawkeye
- Moon Knight
- Black Bolt
- Silver Surfer
- Doctor Strange
- Punisher
- Hercules

So, overall, I would say that a lot of progress has been made. I have gotten into a few of the most highly acclaimed Marvel titles, and I am hoping to start adding more. I am looking forward to World War Hulk and all related tie-ins. I think it will be fun. My next step is to focus more on older Marvel comics, which I mostly acquire by raiding the quarter bin, and by borrowing trades and checking out Essentials. The fact that there are Marvel products that I want to spend my money on at all shows enormous progress. The item that I want most in the shop right now is the Daredevil Omnibus and that doesn't even have Batman in it.

So, any thoughts or recommendations to help me out?

A Good Day

ITEM!: I got into grad school today. I will be starting the MBA program in September, meaning I am two years away from being The Man.

I celebrated by buying all the Power Man and Iron Fist comics I could get my hands on.
ITEM!: My Big Monkey Comics t-shirt arrived in the mail today. And you can own one too! You'll look this nerdy good:

ITEM!: I got paid in Animal Man trades for some work I am going to be doing tomorrow. Expect to see Buddy rated as a super-hunk tomorrow!

Batman Tells a Knock Knock Joke

Knock Knock

Who's there?

BATMAN, ASSHOLE!